is this financial abuse

[Brieonlybrie]

H is earning ok-ish (50k in a poor area not the expensive SW). I earn about 18k plus gets disability benefits for the DC.
We cope fine financially with the income we have but H and I are having issues. We both have a good amount of savings (this is relevant).

H has announced yesterday that he will not to contribute to the household expenses anymore as he has paid more than me for many years (I couldn't earn more due to caring responsibilities - he refuses to help out with the DC). He now expects me to fulfill all financial obligations (household bills, food, expenses for DC such as clothes, dinner money) from my limited income plus the savings I have. He has not specified how long he expects this arrangement to run. I would be able to do that for little while due to safety cushion in my ISA. The DC would not go without at all for a limited amount of time (several months).

Is this a form of financial abuse? Or fair and square. Would it be counted as financial abuse in law? He says it's fair as I have savings (his savings are much higher than mine). I believe I should not have to dip into my ISA to feed the DC when we have enough money coming in. Thoughts? I am not seeing the wood for the trees right now and happy to be told I am unreasonable. Just need a sanity check really.

he has a lot more in saving than I do and a pension pot worth more than the house. I would have hoped, this is enough to settle it. if I take the house and he keeps his pension and savings, he will still have about 60/70 per cent of our assets plus a decent full time job - whilst I can only work limited ours. once the oldest leaves school, I will have to give up work to care 24/7. Is this not a consideration that I gave significant caring responsibilities for a joint child and limited earning potential?

I am gonna get legal advice. I really need to know where I stand. if it renders me and the DC homeless long-term, we are better off staying with him. abusive or not. I just cannot go back to work full time and earn a living.

You can claim UC if you can show you are completely separate financially and have under £16,000 in savings.

There’s no automatic right to remain in the home but courts will look at total assets available and the needs of both parties.

housing minor children will be a priority especially where there are special needs and earnings of parent limited due to caring responsibilities

pensions will be considered - but are not £1- £1 dues to pensions not being a liquid asset available now.

depending on overall assets and your restrictive income and the children’s needs you have a strong case for more than 50% of total assets. Which includes equity, pension, savings.

Get yourself to a shit hot lawyer asap. I suspect you’re entitled to more than you think. Don’t let him tell you what you can and can’t have.

Start divorce proceedings, that's the only way you'll get rid.

What a horrible thing to say , you're not in it together are you . I just wouldn't stand for it , where does it end , do you squabble over who pays for coffee on a Saturday morning .

Get every bit of information you can on him.
Any paperwork.
Call Womens aid and any local domestic abuse charities near you.
Tell them about all his verbal abuse and now financial abuse.

Are your children involved with services because of their disabilities?

If so you need to talk to them ....loudly.

Call 101, ask for advice.
Tell the police you and the children are terrified of his screaming and ranting.
Ask for a marker to be put on your house.

The next time he starts, record him if you can, but ring the police and ask for him to be removed.
You can access legal aid if you are a victim of domestic abuse, so ringing the police to protect you and the children could really help.

You are a victim of years of domestic abuse.
You need to ask Womens aid for legal advice too.
He is absolutely financially abusing you too.

He has met someone on holidays and wants to be free.

You want half his savings and half his pension.
So you need to access every bit of advice you can.
Tell your GP what is going on.
Contact Citizens advice for help too ahethey may have advice.
You should call SS as their are disabled children involved and he is abusing them.

Let EVERYONE know exactly how he is treating his wife and children.

I wouldn't call it financial abuse, just shit behaviour. The finances sound like the tip of the iceberg though - he's already checked out of the marriage and is running with separate finances. This makes you eligible for a UC claim as a single person/parent. Although, if you have over 16k in savings you won't be eligible.

You can't make him move out before the divorce is settled, until then it's his home just as much as it is yours. A public sector worked with a 50k salary is going to have an obscene pension pot. Quite possibly big enough to leave you with the house outright in exchange for you taking a smaller chunk of his pension.

It sounds like he wants to divorce, just that the financial hit is putting him off. You file for it yourself, gives you the upper hand in the process as well.

But you will be entitled to his savings and pension. I think the only way courts would award the house to him would be if he had custody of your child.