Why can't people stay out of their spouse's family affairs and disputes ?

[vito657]

Lately on reddit I've been coming across stories of men or women talking about going no contact with their parents, siblings or any other family members and if they have a spouse, their spouse would try to make them make peace with their estranged family member.

The most memorable story was when a would be wife invited her future husband's estranged mother and the man was furious and they ended the engagement.

And overall, when some men and women marry somebody, they feel entitled to know about their partners childhood and past and want to know about their personal family manners and disputes or want to know what's my relationship is like with a family member.

I have a huge family and I got a good relationship with most of them but I got a few cousins that I've haven't talked to for many years because of major fallouts. My wife knows that I have cousins I don't talk. She asked me why I haven't talk to them and why I seem indifferent towards them on the rare times that I do see them at family gatherings and why I never bothered to introduce her to them but I told her firmly to stay out of it and stop asking dumb questions.

Why can't most people stay out of their spouse's family affairs? Mind your business. It's really not hard to do.

Telling her to ‘stop asking dumb questions and mind your own business’ is bloody rude. She’s your wife, not some random stranger in the pub asking intrusive questions.

If you’d said “If your partner went no contact with a family member, it's usually for a very good reason at least 90 percent of the time” as you did in a later post that would have been completely fair.

Change the way you speak to your wife in future, or rude, nasty comments like that will ultimately lead to relationship problems, whether you realise it or not.

Sounds like you don't like or respect your wife. When you get married you share responsibilities, burdens etc. You don't want to share anything with her. Why are you married to her if you feel she might have malicious intent? Is she just there to provide certain functions and put up and shut up?

Our families and interactions with them are very telling. If you have good reason to be no contact with someone why can't you tell her? You do make it sound like you were the dick and that's why you don't want your wife knowing anything about these issues. It's different if you don't want to talk about things because they are too painful etc and you let her know that.

I hope your wife posts on here.

I do like my wife. I just don't like talking about anything emotionally painful. I totally hate being vulnerable.

Well if I was your wife and you had an attitude like that I would probably prefer you didn't tell me because I don't think I would believe your side of the story anyway.

Certainly, it's good to conduct due diligence on a partner before committing to a long-term relationship. Certain traits and history give the other a basis on which to form a decision.

The way you behave to your family tells her something about you, and the way you might behave in difficult situations in the future. Perhaps those are things you think would make her respect you less.

No, you respond like that because you can’t control your own emotions. There is nothing dumb about her question.

Well then you have to do without the uplift in support, happiness and well being that comes to those prepared to be vulnerable.

in all honesty, ‘I just don’t like talking about anything emotionally painful’ is really pathetic. You’re an adult, supposedly, that entails being able to deal with life’s difficult emotions too.
you are emotionally repressed and immature, and blaming it on your wife and shrugging your shoulders like it’s no big deal.
You’re in the wrong here, and it is a big deal.

👏👏👏

im always amazed at how emotional men can be really.
so quick to get angry or putting down people. They need to learn to be less emotional really.

Ok, it is you.

You’ve posted here quite a bit. You seem to be seeking balance after reading misogynist rubbish on Reddit. So that’s a good start, being open to reading from another perspective.

Some advice- stop reading Reddit. Hang around here reading women’s threads on relationships.
You’ll get a much better idea of the reality of women’s lives.

Don’t comment for a while, because you are quite prejudiced in your perceptions at the moment. You will never lose your defensiveness for all the ‘poor men being shafted by their duplicitous women’, so don’t worry about that, it’s a deep seated outlook. You will begin to realise there are two sides to every situation and you will get a better idea of the other side which you will find really helpful.

It doesn’t entitled to be dick though.
which you were from the way you answered back to her.

Btw, if you want a decent communication within your marriage, you might need to learn to be vulnerable and actually trust your wife.
Because that attitude going to affect any other area in your life. And shutting your wife out isnt going yo be an appropriate answer

So if a work colleague asked a question you didn’t like …would you also speak to them like that ?

But by being nasty, you are responding emotionally. How is that not making yourself vulnerable.

You are an extremely emotional man. You are displaying your emotions in a very overt way. You are also causing emotional pain for your wife by insulting her.

Or is it just your own emotional pain that’s important?

How long have you been married?

Oh, it’s the return of the ‘ I can’t be vulnerable because It Isn’t Manly’ guy.

We know him because he’s a seething mass of fear, repression and misogyny, and his vocabulary suggests a caveman who got an iPad for his birthday

Americans are completely different to Europeans reddit is mainly in the USA

I'm guessing you're the dumb one, not your wife who asked a perfectly reasonable question:(

Carry on speaking to your wife like that and you’ll not be married for long!

How someone behaves toward their extended family is an indicator of how they will behave in their new family.

Telling your partner to "stay out of it" without even nothing to explain what's going on is a dick move.

Some people wouldn't be attracted to their partner if there was not family issues

There seems to be some territorial thing happening, it's weird but then people are

And overall, when some men and women marry somebody, they feel entitled to know about their partners childhood and past and want to know about their personal family manners and disputes or want to know what's my relationship is like with a family member.

I wouldn't be with someone who wouldn't share that information and I think it's normal in a long term relationship to share those things. It helps you understand the person you're with more.