I can't reply, can I? (dry response)

[LavenderFlowers]

I sent my ex a message this morning trying to be friendly. We have a LO and our coparenting communication is mainly done through his DM and I. I still want the 'family' image that I pictured before and spend a lot of time thinking about him. I said that 'I hope you don't mind me getting in touch but I had been thinking of you a lot and am happy to hear about the new job. I am glad things seem to be going well and I hope you enjoy your holiday'

He replied a few hours later with a polite/vaguely friendly message saying 'Hi, it's nice to hear from you. It has been difficult few months with the unemployment but things are turning a corner. I'm managing myself as best as I can and it's been a difficult and emotional time. I hope you are well too. It's been a strange six months for both of us.'

This man was the LOML (to cringingly quote T Swift) before our split and we've been NC since the start of the year. I am glad he replied but I'm not it's left the door open for a reply from me

Forget the "family image". Do you want to get back with him ? If not then just let go.

And not sure what the last line in your OP meant.

I have spent months hoping he would reach out. I would love him to come back and want to try again, knowing it would take work

Apologies for last line of OP. I meant to write 'I'm not sure it's left the door open'

You can’t know if he’s the love of your life until the end of your life. All you know is that he’s the one that’s caused you the most heartache so far. It doesn’t read as though you’re the love of his life.

What’s an LO?

@K8ate Little one/baby

"I still want the 'family' image that I pictured before and spend a lot of time thinking about him"

You're obviously not going to get that dream with him. Face it, do whatever you need to do to get over him, then find somebody who wants what you do.
It's normal to mourn this loss. But the mourning should be finite and you should get on with your life. It takes longer to get over it if you give yourself false hope.

You need to think long and hard about the reason you split up in the first place.

Do you really want to go back to that?

Life’s too short - if you feel that way, just tell him!
Remember -
Life is so brief and time is a thief when you’re undecided. And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands.

If you feel you can't reply then nothing will happen. If you want him back then use your words and tell him. But be sensible. Not emotional.

Why did you break up?

Oh OP

I understand

is the field of dreams engulfed in fire? And is he the arsonist? In which case, there’s no way back. I’m sorry.

Is this the guy who left you while your father was in hospital?

I recognised your username and remembered your thread. He sounded awful. I didn’t realise there was a child involved- now I think he’s even more awful (unless I’ve got you mixed up with someone else).

its a very neutral response. I can’t read anything into it one way or the other.

I’d leave it a few days and reply with a funny anecdote about something DD does.

If you’ve been NC for a while, too much too soon could scare him off.

Who initiated the break up and why? It sounds a bit like you're looking back with rose tinted glasses maybe..

I think that was not a reply that is inviting further contact. I think it is clear that he considers you in the past. Time to move on a lay those hopes down, OP. The hurt will pass.

Yes, that is me @Rendang. With clarity I look back and see that I was pretty difficult during that time. I didn't mention LO during that post but yes, that is why we ended

For others asking, my Dad became sick and my partner left. I think we both had difficulty after LO was born and we were fighting non stop. I blame myself looking back now

He’s left the door open.

...and we were fighting non stop

What about?

Oh @LavenderFlowers it must have been very hard. If you do get back together can you really trust him not to let you down again when you need him most?

I don’t like that you are blaming yourself. He left you and your child when your father was very sick. No matter how bad you may have been (which all new parents can be to one another) you didn’t deserve that and he should have done better.

Putting your past aside, I don't think he's obviously closed the door. He could have given a shorter blunt response or none. Having said that, I wouldn't reply. He could have asked a follow up question etc and he didn't. Don't leave yourself open to heartbreak by trying to start something. He knows where you are IF he wants to

Logistics and finances @invisiblecat. I put a lot of pressure on him to provide and we were trying to make his schedule, my parenting etc work

if you blame yourself for some of the things why dont you message back saying it’s given You time to reflect and that you wish you handled things differently so that you hadn’t fallen out…sorry for the pressure and lack of appreciation?…

I've heard some good advice along the lines of "if he's interested, you'll know. If you're not sure whether he's interested, he's not".

I wouldn't read anything into that message, at all. He hasn't said anything remotely more than a platonic response to your question. He easily could have said "miss you" or "I think of you lots too" etc but he hasn't said anything like that to indicate he's still interested.

I think for the sake of your emotional health you need to close the chapter x

Oh gosh I remember that thread - not the detail but enough to be able to say… DON’T!!!!!!!!!

He is probably wondering how much CMS he will now have to pay as he is starting a new job after being unemployed. As he is probably surprised you made contact after 6 ? months of no contact.