I can't reply, can I? (dry response)

[LavenderFlowers]

I sent my ex a message this morning trying to be friendly. We have a LO and our coparenting communication is mainly done through his DM and I. I still want the 'family' image that I pictured before and spend a lot of time thinking about him. I said that 'I hope you don't mind me getting in touch but I had been thinking of you a lot and am happy to hear about the new job. I am glad things seem to be going well and I hope you enjoy your holiday'

He replied a few hours later with a polite/vaguely friendly message saying 'Hi, it's nice to hear from you. It has been difficult few months with the unemployment but things are turning a corner. I'm managing myself as best as I can and it's been a difficult and emotional time. I hope you are well too. It's been a strange six months for both of us.'

This man was the LOML (to cringingly quote T Swift) before our split and we've been NC since the start of the year. I am glad he replied but I'm not it's left the door open for a reply from me

He's actually been very generous with regards CMS

I think you should try to continue the conversation. Life is too short if you believe there is a chance and you still love him.

Thank you @Kw1234hhggf I'm so unsure (probably fear of getting hurt)

It’s not a bad reply, he could have kept it shorter if he didn’t want to communicate with you. But I’d approach slowly and carefully, maybe leave it for now. (I haven’t read your other threads).

Thanks @Cinai2. He's away at his brothers wedding (which we both mentioned in our texts) so I don't want to make this weekend about me

@K8ate
"Life is so brief and time is a thief when you’re undecided. And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands"
Great quote 🎵
Sorry for the hijack

I don’t know how old you are but I’m 42 now and I’m with the love of my life now and have been for 11 years before him I thought I really was in love but my past relationships (with children’s dad) was nothing in comparison. I actually need my dh in my life as well as want him. You will move on and find someone who will sweep you off your feet and worship the ground you walk on, don’t go back to your ex it never works, I done that for the sake of the kids after a 3 year split and it was so much worse. Move forward x

I think I secretly hoped for some movie-esque response of 'I've been thinking about you too. How have you been?' etc.

Hence why I'm asking the Internet to look at his reply, to find a glimmer of hope in it

Of course you feel like that! Yes he might reject you, but then at least you’ll know for sure and can move on.

I don’t think that’s a flat, disinterested reply. He mentions how hard things have been emotionally. That says to me that he’s found your split really difficult. He didn’t need to mention that.
Your message is also seemingly quite platonic. Like, ‘I’m glad you’re through the worst of it and things are looking up for you’. His response is treading carefully as is yours.

I don’t recall the thread so have no opinion but you know what has gone on and whether a relationship is tenable. If that’s what you want then you should tell him and see how he feels.

Is the emotional time in response to unemployment or the break up? If its the break up, it shows some level of vulnerability he's showing

I always think texts that end with full stops mean the conversation is over but I'm probably an over thinker!

I remember the thread. And based on that I would say don’t go back.
💐

Also, my DH would write something like this. He’s got much better over the years at conveying his feelings but in a text he will sound much less bothered than he is.

You need to reread your thread from Feb when your late father was in hospital, whilst you were pregnant and he left you.

your last reply on that thread was ' My head is very up and down. I constantly wonder did I treat him badly/coldly to make him leave me during that time. My counsellor is going to work with me to resolve that (I hope!!).'

he left you, made the whole thing about him and his feelings whilst your father was very ill then sadly died, he left you and you were pregnant and his actions made you see a counsellor.

6 months later his brother is getting married and it is that which is making your mind turn to romance and love.

Also reread your thread of 15th April about him and his behaviour.

It really is time to move on.

This. With bells on.

Come on @LavenderFlowers, seriously?! Have a bit of self respect.

You need to give your head a serious wobble. His behaviour was awful, stop excusing it.

you are maybe feeling a trauma bond, mixed with a idealistic attitude about wanting a happy family… this isn’t realty. Move on and make a good life for you and your baby ❤️

Then reply. 🤷‍♀️
Maybe:
"it's just one foot in front of the other, isn't it."
Perhaps, we can start directly communicating about dc, if you feel ready?"

If yes, then just do that. See how that goes for 6 months and take it from there. Keep in mind he may be dating/looking.

With the back story others know about, I'd say don't go back. You offered an olive branch , he's replied telling you how difficult things have been for him. Just don't do it to yourself. The lack of a question mark after 'hope you are OK too', makes it clear there is no invitation there for you to reply.

Advanced search is enlightening. Your ex couldn't even be bothered to ring you once a day when you begged him while your DF was in ICU and you were either heavily pregnant or had a newborn.
Your post feels like you're fishing for the answer you know you'll receive by posting what you did. He sounds awful if you read your own past OPs.

And yet, you did choose this weekend and all of its attendant emotions.

If he had initiated contact over this weekend, I think a number of posters would tell you to be wary. If he'd expressed the desire for a 'moviesque' resolution then people would be telling you the direction of the nearest set of hills.

If he wanted to try again, this would have been clearer during the time you've been apart.

This is a good time for you both to continue moving on from each other, with him moving to some stability after unemployment etc. Neither of you needs more of each other in your lives.

So I’m assuming he doesn’t see his child if you’re no contact?

He does. That information is in sentence 2 of the OP!

I see. Just seems confusing if they have to go to the level of communicating through someone else that you’d even think of getting back with them.. the messages sound like they’ve not spoken for absolutely ages.

I would text once more with some questions and see if he responds any differently. If it’s another closed reply then I’d be inclined to leave him alone. Treasure good memories and remember that you can have more than one love in a lifetime.

I've no idea what LOML is but his reply isn't dry, he could've left it at thanks I hope you're well too and that would have been plenty enough polite and friendly.
I think you've been listening to too much Taylor Swift with her toxic lyrics romanticising dysfunction and self disrespect. Try Katie Perry Roar or Wide Awake as your new anthems instead.