Cancel a wedding

[Mummyto4WM]

Hi ladies,
Has anyone ever cancelled a wedding? If so, what do I even tell people?

So, after posting on here previously, I decided to postpone the wedding, whilst we worked on some relationship challenges. However, I'm now clear in my own mind, I want to cancel the wedding and leave the relationship.

It's the embarrassment and feeling of failure with my family and friends.. that kept me in the relationship so long.

Now what do I tell them?

It is so much better to cancel a wedding before it has happened than organise a divorce one, two, ten, twenty years later.

So much better.

It’s going to be awkward in the short term but you should trust your gut here. And in a few months time it’ll be in the past, and you can move on. You tell them that you cannot ignore your feelings and you know that marriage isn’t right. Have courage.

That you have realised you deserve better.

Be very proud of that fact.

If they know you have postponed it I’m presuming you didn’t move the date. Therefore you only need to tell close friends and family that you have split. Take your time and choose those who understand you first. You will realise you have done the right thing.Getting out of a marriage is tough.

I know someone who cancelled a day before. The invites had gone out, church booked. Her ex (who I knew) had gone bananas somewhere, smashing up stuff so she cancelled the wedding. I often think of how brave she was to end it rather than go through it all to save face. He's still a nutcase.

If you were my friend or DSis I'd probably feel very pleased. If you've taken a while to realise it's not right then they've probably known for a long time.

I agree that you deserve better. Don't let fear rule your life

First: big! Big! Applause to you! You are courageous and fortune will favour you.

One way of looking at this is: just rip the bandaid iff. You know the desired end result is no wedding/no marriage. So either just cancel everything simply and directly. Or hold the wedding as the biggest solo celebration of all time.

Either way plan on taking a solo honeymoon trip. By the time you get back everyone will have moved on.

I'd be proud of you 😀

i'm sorry you are experiencing this. Its far better to cancel than divorce. Best of luck ongoing

Much better tlamd cheaper to cancel a wedding than to arrange and pay for a divorce.

I called off my engagement we got back together. Following my now ex husband contacting all my family and friends to say the wedding was off in spite due to an argument about 3 weeks before hand we also patched it up and went ahead. On the morning of the wedding I knew something was wrong but went ahead. The marriage was awful barely made it to 1 year didn’t make it to 2. Spent 5 years trying to get divorced to the most unreasonable person on the planet. You have absolutely done the right thing. Stay strong

Thank you all! I felt like a failure cancelling the wedding but you've all made me see it differently. Thank you.

I never wanted to marry him, but went along with it, hoping things would get better but they got worse. He lies to me about everything, and blames me saying I put him under pressure

He's got ED, because he drinks excessively. He secretly drinks whenever my back is turned. And then blames me for making him feel stressed.

He has no empathy at all. I recently dealt with a really distressing murder at work. He didnt even ask me how I was, he said I hope you're okay and proceeded to talk about his day. I didn't sleep for days, and informed him I wouldn't be making a family party as I was in no fit mental state to go. He accused me of punishing him by not attending the party with him

He slagged me off to his family, earlier this year. They've been venomous to me ever since. He admitted to me the things he told his family about me, were a lie, because his self esteem was low, and he wanted then to back him, over me.

I do feel like this is 100% the right thing. I was fearful of people saying I told you so, or asking questions I didnt want to answer. I am hurting but I wanted to do the right thing before it's too late.

Honestly, I would think you very brave. It takes courage to stand up and say "no, this isn't right." I'd think she's a strong woman. Really.

And remember that old saying - 'those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter.' Seems very apt here. Best of luck OP.

He sounds like a nightmare. You're definitely doing the right thing. I know someone who cancelled his wedding a month before the date. Lost a lot of money but he just knew they were making a mistake. Yes it was a big deal for a few days, lots of gossip and surprise, but people soon move on and it's quickly old news.

You definitely deserve better than that schmuck.

It sounds like you're making the absolute right decision - I'd be proud of you

Reading your update, it’s 100% the right decision.

You should never worry to that extent about what others think. If you’re not being unkind, or harming others (neither of which you are) then anyone who cares about you will want you to be happy. And if they don’t, they don’t care about you!

You can find the strength to do this. It will be the best gift you can ever give yourself. He will not change and it will get worse once there’s a ring on your finger.

I wanted to cancel my first wedding. My friends talked me out of it so I went ahead. I knew it wasn’t the right thing, but allowed myself to be swayed by the “everyone has jitters, it’s normal” arguments from my friends. It wasn’t jitters. I left him four months after the wedding, which I promise you is far more humiliating than cancelling it to begin with. The people that matter will support you, and bugger the rest.

The irony is that when I did leave, most people said “Thank God for that! We never liked him. You can do much better”. I wish I’d known that before! Good luck!

It will be ok, you let everyone know that after a lot of thought you have decided that x and yourself will not be getting married. And then say something along the lines of how this is the right decision, you are well/ happy but would appreciate some time to adjust/ wont be answering lots of individual questions about the details of this.
No one needs exact reasons or an explanation.
And you choose what to share with whom.
You are doing the absolutely best thing!

If I was you I wouldn’t care one jot if friends or family thought I was a failure…I wouldn’t commit to a guy who treated me like that, end of.

Put yourself first and screw what other people think, they won’t be the ones living in hell with a partner like that.

Omg just get out now. I wish I hadn’t married my first abusive husband. It was a matter of months before I left. He became even more vile that before. The divorce took five years. Don’t do it. Get out now save yourself the heartache and the money

If you were my friend/daughter I’d be proud and worried and 100% want the best for you. They are on your side and will just want you to be ok

You are definitely doing the right thing. He sounds like a nightmare. Well done for recognising this in good time and taking positive action. It will be awkward, but not nearly as bad as going through the motions of a doomed wedding then ultimately a messy divorce.

How far along are you with wedding planning? Is everything booked - venue, reception, flowers etc. If so you need to unbook them asap but be prepared to lose deposits etc. Do you live together now and have a house together? Have you planned what you need to do to separate, where you’ll live etc?

Telling your friends and family is the easy part. They will want the best for you, and chances are they already think he’s an arsehole but are keeping quiet!

💯 👏 the expense and emotional turmoil of getting married and divorced are costly, don't look back and enjoy freedom!

Oh well done OP, I'm in awe of you. I wish wholeheartedly I had the courage you have. Far easier to cancel than divorce.

I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit embarrassed and struggling to know how to approach this. How many people have you invited so far, and how soon is the wedding?

We had to cancel our wedding because of Covid but that was a bit different because it was an event that was nothing to with us, so we didn't really have the embarrassment, just the nightmare of practicality.

We just emailed everyone and explained, which I think you should also do, but how you explain is the tricky thing.

I guess you could just say you've realised the time isn't right, or you are going to take some more time to solidify what you want from the future before taking this big step, etc.

People will probably read between the lines that you are having some problems but that seems unavoidable - but you will probably get more respect than judgement, as people on here have already commented.

Good luck with it and I hope you manage to sort things out/ make some decisions.

Sorry just read your update - sounds like you have absolutely done the right thing! Well done.