Periods in relationships

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months but due to circumstances beyond my control I haven’t been able to see them for 3 weeks. They are supposed to come over tonight for dinner and to stay over. My period arrived two weeks early this morning (thanks peri menopause!) so I texted to say that I was looking forward to seeing him but knickers would need to stay on tonight but I’d still give him a blow job.

He’s just replied that he’s been waiting ages to see me and hasn’t replied to me message that I can’t help my period arriving (he’s read it).

Am I right to be annoyed? I can’t control my bodily functions and it’s made me feel that he’s only interested in sex rather than wanting to spend time with me.

Did you say your on your period ?

or otherwise it just comes across as you don’t want sex

Not quite sure what the issue is as your post doesn't give much detail.

Did he say he's now not coming over ? It's be more than happy with a BJ if my girlfriend was on her period and depending if you get cramps or any other symptoms I'd not be expecting any sexual activity at all.

He's an arse if he starts giving your grief over this.

Did he say he wasn't coming, then?

Why do you need to placate him with a blow job? Seems a bit grim, can't you just enjoy each other's company without someone having to get off?

If he is annoyed that you won’t have sex because you are on your period, then yes he is out of order. He should count himself lucky that you have said you will give him a blow job instead! How about anal, another option.

Christ what a grim exchange. If I wasn't up for sex with DH for any reason there's no way I'd feel the need to placate him with a blow job. He'd just accept that sex wasn't on the cards, because he doesn't automatically expect it at any point anyway.

It might have been the kind of thing I'd have done in my younger years when I wasn't as sure of myself and sought to people please, (especially Men I was interested in) but you mention peri-menopause so I assume you're not early 20s?

Jeepers!
You put that “offering” in a text message?

If he’s still ignoring your message, seems like he wants the full works.
Bin him.

Dh (and partly why I married him) would have messaged back saying I'll cook for us, asked me if I wanted anything bringing that helps me feel better when on my period and then given me a lovely foot massage after dinner with absolutely no expectation of any sexual activity of any kind because he isn't a teenager.

He still does this, this kindness and care. We have been married 25 years. I also give him lovely leg massages, nothing sexual, just working his muscles.

I was thinking the same. So what if you don't fancy sex on your period, you reallydon't need to apologise and offer a BJ as compensation.

It's really grim that you had your text him with this placation. That's not how respectful adult relationships work.

Maybe he's just excited to see you, sex or no sex, and is a bit surprised you are making a bit of a big deal out of it so has chosen to ignore your compensatory offer of a BJ and just wants you to know he is looking forward to seeing you?

Without the exact texts its impossible to say. Sounds to me like he was saying he'd missed you and wasn't bothered either way about sex.

You had to apologise because you couldn’t have sex?

at least your mouth can still service him though. Sounds… fab.

I thought this too

Gross, why would you write that? See where the night takes you

Lots of men wouldn't necessarily be expecting sex, but would just be looking forward to seeing you, and would be a bit taken aback by the transactional nature of your message and the assumption inherent therein. Maybe that's why he's not yet responded?

Absolutely this.

My DH and I met when I was first starting the heavy/irregular bleeding of perimenopause…if I let him know it had started unexpectedly he would buy me chocolate, make us dinner, run me a bath or fill a hot water bottle. Then we’d spend the night cuddled up. Sometimes we’d make love because we do love each other very much, and it was well worth the clearing up, many times we wouldn’t but I tell you one thing he’d never have dreamt of having - a blowjob!

You are worth more than this, and maybe this man is more like my DH than you are giving him credit for. You need to actually talk, not text.

Might he be ignoring it because it’s an undignified message?

I would politely ignore it too.

Perhaps he didn’t feel it was a message that required a response?

Actually if a man sent me a message that his kecks were staying on but he’d still lick me out I don’t think I’d respond - ever again.

Yeah I’m sorry OP but I have to agree with the others who are all saying this is a bit grim.

What made you feel a need to text him and pre warn him about this? And especially offer a blow job.

When I first met my boyfriend I didn’t get periods due to the type of birth control I was on. I made some changes to this a year and a half into our relationship and my new methods gave me periods. When I got my first one, my boyfriend went to Tesco and spent a small fortune on a range of sweets and chocolates and ordered us a takeaway as a treat (he cooks for me every night usually).

Its hard to gauge from your post if his reply of “I’ve been waiting ages to see you” means “oh god don’t worry, I’ve missed you loads, can’t wait to see you regardless!” or “wtf I’ve been waiting ages to see you I can’t believe we aren’t going to have sex, I’m fuming!”

Either way I think it’s weird you felt a need to send him this text

What they all said. It’s hard to tell without the actual wording whether he’s ignored your period message because it doesn’t matter to him one jot (in which case he’s a normal man, not necessarily worthy of great applause, but just not being a dick about it), or whether his reply was annoyed at you for having a period (in which case he’s a misogynistic idiot and probably one of those who thinks you can hold it in like a wee!)

Give us a bit more context.

I think he might just mean he doesn't care about the period and it'll just be nice to see you, right?

I agree the message is a bit odd in the first place unless you are in a purely FWB situation.

so I texted to say that I was looking forward to seeing him but knickers would need to stay on tonight but I’d still give him a blow job.

Sometimes I miss the romance that comes with a new relationship.