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Original poster

Periods in relationships

73 replies

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 01/09/2024 10:45

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months but due to circumstances beyond my control I haven’t been able to see them for 3 weeks. They are supposed to come over tonight for dinner and to stay over. My period arrived two weeks early this morning (thanks peri menopause!) so I texted to say that I was looking forward to seeing him but knickers would need to stay on tonight but I’d still give him a blow job.

He’s just replied that he’s been waiting ages to see me and hasn’t replied to me message that I can’t help my period arriving (he’s read it).

Am I right to be annoyed? I can’t control my bodily functions and it’s made me feel that he’s only interested in sex rather than wanting to spend time with me.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 01/09/2024 12:02

He didn't say anything back because what can he say? Maybe he's hoping once you're in the mood you might be persuaded. I personally love period sex! I know lots of people don't and it's your choice. But I wouldn't take his lack of direct response as anything bad. If he'd have said 'right, well if we're not playing hide the sausage I'm staying at home!' then I'd understand your annoyance.
I probably wouldn't have mentioned the compensatory blowie either. Maybe he thinks stuff like that should be a bit spontaneous?

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/09/2024 12:07

ReadingWorm · 01/09/2024 11:53

so I texted to say that I was looking forward to seeing him but knickers would need to stay on tonight but I’d still give him a blow job.

Sometimes I miss the romance that comes with a new relationship.

😂

StopMakingMeLook · 01/09/2024 12:08

Mirabai · 01/09/2024 11:36

Actually if a man sent me a message that his kecks were staying on but he’d still lick me out I don’t think I’d respond - ever again.

Edited

Absolutely this 😬

aCatCalledFawkes · 01/09/2024 12:31

Hmmm I have to agree with some of the other comments. I don’t think you needed to offer him anything.

How old is this man? The men I have dated in my late 30/40s haven’t battered an eyelid when I have had my period. The only one who made a fuss was an abusive ex. I think you need to give him more credit that he might just be pleased to see you for you.

I also have my peri menopause periods. When I had a really awful not so long ago, I text my current boyfriend and told him I was feeling awful about it, he replied he was picking me that to take me for a drink and spent the whole night making a real effort to look after me. We didn’t even discuss sex. I definetly did not offer to return his kindness with a blow job.

Coldfinch · 01/09/2024 12:39

This ☝️

Why do you need to tell him in advance? Can’t you just hang out and enjoy each other’s company. I think your message makes it clear that you see yourself as low value and have to “offer” services /favours to be perceived as worth spending time with. The man will pick up on this and treat you accordingly.

DoYouReally · 01/09/2024 12:49

I don't understand why you texted him saying that?

Do you really see yourself as having no value other than sexually?

TeabySea · 01/09/2024 12:51

At the risk of going against the grain here - he hasn't actually said anything negative or wrong though.
He hasn't said "Don't bother" or "Let's postpone" - he said he's been waiting ages to see you. Unless there was more to the message than that, it doesn't smack of any expectations of sexual gratification to me.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2024 12:55

I texted to say that I was looking forward to seeing him but knickers would need to stay on tonight but I’d still give him a blow job.

Absolutely cringeworthy, honestly. I'm genuinely embarrassed for you that you would send such an utterly bizarre text. I imagine he's feeling the same way and doesn't even know how to respond to it. You're adults, he knows you have a period. Why would you text him about it at all?

TheShellBeach · 01/09/2024 12:56

I don't think the OP is coming back.
🤣

EBearhug · 01/09/2024 12:56

My experience of peri is that a delayed meeting with a FWB will invariably trigger one after weeks of nothing... that's happened with 4 periods this year, and I think I've only had 5.

I do not usually say knickers will have to stay on. More like, "bastard period has decided to turn up after months of nothing. Really crap timing." I will still be up for sex if it's light flow, but not if it's so heavy there's flooding and changing protection every hour. I don't think it's unreasonable to manage expectations, especially if there was an expectation of sex and you won't be up for it, even if they are.

Some men are okay with period sex, some aren't. Perfectly reasonable either way. They might get a bj if I'm in the mood, but I wouldn't be offering in advance (because I might not be in the mood.) If I'm just seeing them for sex, it's fine to call it off (I mean it's very annoying, but understandable.) If I am seeing them as a friend, I would still expect a meal or the pub or whatever was planned - they just might not get sex as an added bonus. Most men are reasonable in my experience (in my 50s.)

Sashya · 01/09/2024 12:58

Unless he is your FWB who you only see for sex - not sure why you felt the need to pre-warn him about period. You are both in your 40s - so periods is not something to be negotiated around. And it's weird to then talk about BJ...

He said he has missed you and ignored the period talk.

What exactly is the issue?

TheShellBeach · 01/09/2024 13:02

Long before we were married, my DH was always sympathetic when I was bleeding. He bought me chocolate and never expected me to do anything sexual that I wasn't comfortable with. Ever. On my period or off it.

That was one of the many reasons why I married him.

Underlig · 01/09/2024 13:04

Why on earth would you say that to him?

sunseaandsoundingoff · 01/09/2024 13:04

Poor guy probably has no clue what to fucking say to that.

And you really texted him offering a blow job and then complain you think he's only interested in sex? He's the one saying he missed you, you're the one talking about cock.

TheShellBeach · 01/09/2024 13:10

He's the one saying he missed you, you're the one talking about cock

Grin
BibbityBobbityToo · 01/09/2024 13:14

Is there an equivalent of a man getting the ick? That's pretty much the most unromantic thing I've ever heard. Maybe he just wanted your company rather than access to your genitals?

Oldraver · 01/09/2024 13:19

OK I think this is a big area of miscommunication hopefully

You say, no sex bj only as have my period

He probably hears, sex is off as that is what she prefers, so goes with it.

Obviously your right not to want sex on your period and his not to want too either

But your message was probably wishy washy to him, though he shouldn't be ignoring you

Fredblog · 01/09/2024 13:19

Are you sure this is a relationship and not a fwb? Sorry this is a whole load of weird and it seems you are degrading yourself

Haggia · 01/09/2024 13:36

Has anyone got the key to the Damn Nasty filing cabinet?

aCatCalledFawkes · 01/09/2024 15:58

TeabySea · 01/09/2024 12:51

At the risk of going against the grain here - he hasn't actually said anything negative or wrong though.
He hasn't said "Don't bother" or "Let's postpone" - he said he's been waiting ages to see you. Unless there was more to the message than that, it doesn't smack of any expectations of sexual gratification to me.

I think most people are actually in agreement with you and don’t feel he did anything wrong.

Planesmistakenforstars · 01/09/2024 16:42

it’s made me feel that he’s only interested in sex rather than wanting to spend time with me.

But you are the one who offered a blow job as some kind of compensation for you being on your period. You are the one who's made some form of sex an expectation, not him.

mindutopia · 01/09/2024 19:04

It wouldn’t even occur to me to provide any sort of pre-warning in this situation. Surely normal healthy adults don’t just demand sex and get it. You may not be up for it for whatever reason and that shouldn’t ever be something up for negotiation.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/09/2024 19:08

What should he have said….. thanks for the offer of a blowie? Jeez.

Are you insecure in your relationship? Since I was about 18 it would never occur to me to ‘warn’ someone I was dating I was on my period.

JuanKusov · 01/09/2024 19:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HappyToSmile · 01/09/2024 19:41

Has he given a negative response when you've had your period before or is there more to this? He probably hasn't replied because he doesn't see a need to. You've got your period? Big deal.
The only time I would and have mentioned it before weve met up was with a FWB