How do you move on from this...

[Wakeupthedawnandaskherwhy]

I have a crush on someone I can't be with. It's becoming difficult for me.

I'm sure he likes me back, which makes things harder.

Keeps looking at me staring almost as though he can't take his eyes off me.

It makes my heart skip a beat. Neither of us have declared how we feel. We work together and are both married so it can't happen but doesn't make it any less difficult.

When we lock eyes I just know there is something there.

How do I get over this?

I have tried to avoid going into the office for the last 3 months as much as I can but now my boss had noticed and is on my case about being in the office more so I can't avoid him that way anymore.

I need advice. No judgement please.

Look for a new job I think. It can be awfully distracting and will affect your performance. Well, it already has.

Can't you just take it for what it is, a fun work crush. A fantasy. Soong as you're not actively flirting with him I don't understand the problem. It's not like you're going to slip and fall into his junk xD

Maybe just don't go on any work nights out.

It's taking over though. I can concentrate. I do already avoid most work socials.
I have considered leaving, I'm looking but it's slim pickings for roles atm.

Wow

Make a really conscious effort to treat him totally professionally. If you make eye contact break it immediately. Don't be alone with him. How is your relationship? It sounds like something might be off/missing?

Did you post about this recently?

There are some awful bullies on this site nowadays. I hope you find some happiness in your life!

No?

Thank you for your sensible response. I will try these.

So what do you think will happen if you look at each other at work.....or dare I say even talk to each other ?

Are you going to rip each others clothes off in the middle of the office ? Obviously not, so then what's the problem.

To actually start an affair you need to actively initiate something. You have agency over your life so you are responsible for your actions. Nothing will happen if you dont let it.

If you're not happy in your marriage, do the right thing and end it with dignity. Regardless of how you feel about this other man, you are still responsible for your actions, and cheating is always a choice.

I actually think you taking massive measures to avoid him might be making it worse. You're building something up in your head so that when you do see him you you're hyper aware of it which affirms the whole thing. Honestly I would try just getting on with it, be as present as possible and try your best to treat him like anyone else. Hopefully with the repeated behaviour you'll just realise he is just a bloke like anyone else. I assume you are happily married and you just wish you didn't have these feelings?

You say OP that you are both married but you don't say you are happily married.

It sounds as though there must be something missing, something not right in your marriage if you are looking elsewhere.

Wouldn't you be better working on your marriage rather than fixating on this colleague?

Not meaning to be harsh but surely " crushes" are for teenagers? " Crushes " are fantasy, not real life. Whatever you see when you look in this colleagues eyes isn't reality , it's a daydream.

Surely if you value and respect your DH and value your job you can bring yourself back into reality .

I disagree with pp. Anyone can have a crush. Even when happily married.

But if you love your partner then a crush probably isn't an issue...unless you're planning on acting on it. If you think there's the slightest chance you'd do so, time to leave that job and find another. And maybe reassess whether or not your current relationship is working for you.
Because I do agree with pp when they say there must be something missing in the marriage if you're this on edge by a work crush.

Also, just a side note incase its relevant, often if there extreme chemistry, you can be dealing with a narcissist (they're good at generating it). And they especially like people in relationships because they like the thrill of taking you away from someone else. Then of course, they vanish. Because it was all about the chase. So, beware if men who give you long lingering looks or flirt with you, knowing you have a partner.

It’s not about bullying, it’s telling you the truth - grow up - you’re married, so is he. You want to behave like a 14 year old then see what happens

How are you getting on with this? I’ve just posted a similar issue that I’m experiencing - on the school run, not in the office. I backed off after a friend told me that I was clearly getting too close to the guy, and he seems to have taken the hint. So it stopped any affair beginning but it hasn’t stopped my feeling towards him. Worse if anything. Interested to know how you’ve dealt with your guy. Are you interested, tempted to go further than eye contact, or definitely want to stay away from him?

I'm in the same place, to be honest. Tried pushing, feeling down, and trying to ignore it, but that just makes things worse.
If im completely honest, I do want something to happen, but I'm trying to put that out of my mind.

Forgot to tag the quote

Go on then, shag about and destroy two marriages

I thought I would give an update on things a year on from my post. Shortly after I made this post he made a very subtle first move on me at a work drinks event, confirming my suspicion that he liked me back, i was picking up in the signals. I did welcome his affection and had thought things would move up a level. But... he ended up being made redundant and I left for a new job. I did keep in contact with him a bit... but it seems to have fizzled out as we no longer see each other and he wasnt willing to be honest about anything in writing making it pretty difficult to communicate. He eventually denied any memory of approaching me. Pride maybe. He's gone cold on me and it seems I'm made to feel like I imagined the whole thing.

Serves me right I guess.

Oh, but they do do that op. They make you feel like it was in your head only. He was probably playing on multiple levels and another thread had become more fruitful if you like.

You don't need to avoid him. You need to stop feeding the felling and the fantasy. Focus of the good bits of your life and family, think of him as he is just a man. It may take a bit of time but it will pass soon if you actively encourage the I" don't fell anything you are just another guy" focus on that. Some people destroy the crush getting the person off the pedestal they are now. Some even think of them farting smelly farts etc. It is just a man.

Sorry, I ve just seen your update now.

Weird.

He wasn't willing to put anything in writing, were you planning on blackmailing him.