How do you move on from this...

[Wakeupthedawnandaskherwhy]

I have a crush on someone I can't be with. It's becoming difficult for me.

I'm sure he likes me back, which makes things harder.

Keeps looking at me staring almost as though he can't take his eyes off me.

It makes my heart skip a beat. Neither of us have declared how we feel. We work together and are both married so it can't happen but doesn't make it any less difficult.

When we lock eyes I just know there is something there.

How do I get over this?

I have tried to avoid going into the office for the last 3 months as much as I can but now my boss had noticed and is on my case about being in the office more so I can't avoid him that way anymore.

I need advice. No judgement please.

Don’t men just suck huh. You romanticised it. He was only ever interested in sex.

you enjoyed it while it lasted. As women were allowed to enjoy the thrill of sexual attraction.

I know, right!

I had no intentions of telling anyone about it, let alone blackmailing him. Im not sure what I would have gained by blackmailing him!!

Then why did you want him to put it in writing.
He maybe thought you would use communication for leverage to ruin his marriage.

You knew the score, you are both married and you wanted an affair.

He realised you wanted more than just sex, as a pp said you wanted romance and maybe he thought you wanted an exit from your current partnership.

He gauged your wants and decided you were too risky.

I appreciate it's difficult to upgrade.

I didn't want or ask him too document everything... i was just trying to speak to him via text. I just wanted to clear up some things, about where we stood and he said he had no memory of anything. I understand why he might not have wanted to speak in this way incase messages were found, but he could have just said 'let's meet and talk in person' or 'I'll call you'

So you’re annoyed he decided that he didn’t want to go through with cheating on his wife.

You’re annoyed he wouldn’t send you gushy messages and feed your ego and embark on an affair.

Right…

Why are you still in your marriage ? You don’t seem to care about it at all. You aren’t a single woman or a teenager, though you certainly sound like one.

@Wakeupthedawnandaskherwhy how much actual contact have you had with him?
Are you the poster who keeps posting about the 'love of her life' at work, who clearly feels same, both married, but on digging deeper.. they've only spoken 3 times?...

No annoyed he lead me on and couldn't shut it down with honesty.

Who said that I'm still married??

No that isn't me. Sorry. There are thousands of people on here. I never understand the "didn't you post about this before comments". I made the orginal post a year ago!!

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Have you looked up limerance, OP? Sounds more like that than a crush, and it can be hard to get over, but reading up on how it works might help.

You wanted to cheat on your husband, he didn’t want to cheat on his wife.

So you cheated on your husband ? Well done you, hope it was worth it

@Wakeupthedawnandaskherwhy but you have posted before, and not just this thread. In the other you asked if he was ‘brushing you off’ you were told YES. In that thread you did not mention he was married.

You have been throwing yourself at an uninterested married man and playing victim. You’ve made a fool of yourself. Just stop it and move on.

There was someone posting about a similar (very similar!) situation around the same time you first posted, which is why you’ve been asked. I think posters want to make sure they’re giving new advice rather than going over the same old thing to a poster who just doesn’t listen to anything. It becomes frustrating. If they don’t want to listen to advice, just don’t post. Not saying this is you, just explaining why people ask.

All this star crossed lovers shit is utter bollocks. You were warned, move on

You haven't read all the comments have you?

So you would have had an affair if you could ?

The answer to this question is irrelevant now.

Really not sure why you are mad at him?

You didn’t say what his ‘move’ was but presumably it wasn’t a full blown physical affair? No doubt he enjoyed your flirtation and took it too far. But it sounds like he was not up for an affair and you are annoyed by that. Obviously if he doesn’t want to cheat on his wife he’s not going to get into a discussion about his inappropriate behaviour on a night out. He shut it down as he should. Discussing it with you when he doesn’t want to cheat would be stupid on his part. Surely you can see that?

He doesn’t owe you anything just because you were really into him. A few looks in the office and an inappropriate encounter on a night out doesn’t mean you were a thing.

You said you were both married and now you are not. Did you end your marriage because of your feelings for him? If so I can understand your frustration but that’s not his fault.

Im not mad at him. Not a physical affair no, or affair in any sense. Although I think it could have developed into one. We weren't a 'thing' ive never assumed that, god im not thick. I didn't leave my husband for him no, rough patch which im working through. I suppose I just wanted an explanation and a bit of closure on the situation which felt to me like it had been building for a while. Disappointed I guess might be the right word and feel a bit that he led me on.

Aren’t you relieved that nothing happened as your connection was clearly not strong enough to go the distance? He has shown you he would have chosen his marriage even if you had an affair. This way you don’t need to feel guilt for betraying your husband and blowing up some other woman’s life.

I’m not sure you can really expect closure from a colleague you had a crush on? You need to get that closure by looking at why you were willing to become a cheat and hurt your DH for a man you barely knew. It’s not about him. It’s something you need to reflect on yourself.

Its really interesting how people comment assuming they know every detail about someone's life and the reasons they may have entered into a situation.

He was out of order to do that, and deny all knowledge. Like you say, if he didn’t want anything in wring, he could have said let’s go for a coffee. Sounds like he potentially wanted some fun at work, but soon as he was made redundant, that was the end of it. Selfish, on many accounts.