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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Infidelity within the first year

68 replies

JosieDodo · 29/08/2024 21:38

I’ve been with my OH for just over one year. We live together, but he works away during the week. I’ve just found out that he has been cheating on me with his ex. Seeing me on weekends, and her during the week. This has been going on since the start of our relationship, up until a couple of months ago. He’s been telling us both that he loves us and we’re the only one for him. The other one is “Just a friend” or “No way, I’d never go back to her”. It came to a head recently, when his ex and I happened to run into each other. I asked him about what I’d discovered, but he got very defensive and threatened to end our relationship, claiming to be sick of my “Paranoia”. I have evidence that it has been happening, so I know it’s not paranoia or my imagination. He’s admitted to having changed since the start of our relationship, even though he hasn’t been specific about how he’s changed, and now says that he wants to build a life with me / buy a house with me. His ex has suggested that he’s only with me for my money - not that I have much! Do I put the past down to experience and carry on as if the relationship started recently (Since he last slept with his ex), or do you think I’m letting myself be abused and exposing myself to a life of him lying and cheating?

OP posts:
Proseccoh · 29/08/2024 21:40

bin

UpSheGoes · 29/08/2024 21:41

For the love of god dump him.

Proseccoh · 29/08/2024 21:42

Sorry. That was harsh. But it's been less than a year.You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect. This guy is a liar. Wherever you are right now, you will be an absolute shell of yourself 6-12/24 months down the line. Throw him back.

BCBird · 29/08/2024 21:42

Dump. Know your worth.

Worldofflowers · 29/08/2024 21:42

I don't see how you will ever be able to trust him OP!

BCBird · 29/08/2024 21:43

Despicable behaviour

Pixiewombat · 29/08/2024 21:43

She is not an ex...

And yes, he's started as he means to go on.

Opentooffers · 29/08/2024 21:43

You'd be a fool to carry on.

Guavafish1 · 29/08/2024 21:44

He doesn’t sound right

ShortScot · 29/08/2024 21:44

You really need to ask this huh?

Fordian · 29/08/2024 21:44

Ruuuuuuuuuuun.

GenAvocadoOnToast · 29/08/2024 21:45

What is it about yourself that makes you think you deserve to be treated this way?

I’m struggling to think of any other explanation for you even considering keeping the relationship going.

ThaTrìCaitAgam · 29/08/2024 21:45

Surely, this is a rhetorical question?

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 29/08/2024 21:46

Bin it off! He can go back to his ex and it clearly won’t work again and he’ll be on his own for being a complete doofus and you can skip off into the sunset with a drama free life.

Mozzarellaballs · 29/08/2024 21:47

It's easy to say draw a line but how may lines are you gonna draw and start a fresh each time. Honestly leave him before you are tied to him forever from kids and marriage! What a dickhead, you will have a miserable life with him be glad you can escape whilst you can

Hoardasurass · 29/08/2024 21:47

Run from this lieing PoS. You've basically been the OW for your entire relationship and now he's been caught out by both of you he's choosing (assuming that he's got a choice and not been ditched by his gf) the 1 of the 2 of you that he thinks will
1, put up with his lieing and cheating
2, give him the easier life
You are worth so much more than this

Edingril · 29/08/2024 21:48

You actually need to ask? If so stop dating

Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2024 21:51

You can't possibly be considering to continue this relationship. If you do, sorry to be blunt, you've got no one else to blame for the misery you will undoubtedly go through. You know who he is so don't lie to yourself. Be thankful a year is all you've wasted on him.

Frith2013 · 29/08/2024 21:54

Bye!

MounjaroUser · 29/08/2024 21:59

OP, if you were to ask every single reasonable person in the world, they would all tell you to dump him.

There isn't one good reason to stay with this dick-driven cheat.

SoloMuppet · 29/08/2024 22:01

Run don’t walk!! Staying with him will set you up for a life of misery and constant worry that he’s cheating whether with the ex or with other women he comes across. He’s already trying to gaslight you by saying you’re paranoid etc.

i really wouldn’t tie yourself to this guy but buying a home together etc. -

Abi86 · 29/08/2024 22:08

Have a bit of dignity OP. You know the answer, don’t you?

Cece92 · 29/08/2024 22:11

You need to bin him. My partner was in this position years ago with his ex wife. He is a truck driver away mon - fri and he found out his ex wife had been cheating on him for years with her ex whilst their daughter was in the house asleep. Her ex had no clue she was married either. But there was also other men too. He walked straight away. She used to accuse him of cheating but he genuinky wouldn't for him that's an instant dumping plus we text all day every day when he's away or call each other. I trust him 100000% working away and he trusts me ( I couldn't keep up with more than 1 man 😂) you will never trust him again. I certainly wouldn't xxx

HowardTJMoon · 29/08/2024 22:14

He's shown himself to be utterly untrustworthy. Without trust how can there be a relationship? It's time to move on.

Jl2014 · 29/08/2024 22:15

🤦‍♀️