Infidelity within the first year

[JosieDodo]

I’ve been with my OH for just over one year. We live together, but he works away during the week. I’ve just found out that he has been cheating on me with his ex. Seeing me on weekends, and her during the week. This has been going on since the start of our relationship, up until a couple of months ago. He’s been telling us both that he loves us and we’re the only one for him. The other one is “Just a friend” or “No way, I’d never go back to her”. It came to a head recently, when his ex and I happened to run into each other. I asked him about what I’d discovered, but he got very defensive and threatened to end our relationship, claiming to be sick of my “Paranoia”. I have evidence that it has been happening, so I know it’s not paranoia or my imagination. He’s admitted to having changed since the start of our relationship, even though he hasn’t been specific about how he’s changed, and now says that he wants to build a life with me / buy a house with me. His ex has suggested that he’s only with me for my money - not that I have much! Do I put the past down to experience and carry on as if the relationship started recently (Since he last slept with his ex), or do you think I’m letting myself be abused and exposing myself to a life of him lying and cheating?

Why stay with someone who clearly thinks so little of you?

What? What kind of experience could you put ‘he’s a lying cheating dick who tells me I’m crazy when I found out he was cheating’ down to that means you’d stay with him? Tell him to fuck off out of your life and stay fucked off permanently and block him on everything.

do you think I’m letting myself be abused and exposing myself to a life of him lying and cheating?

This.

Why the actual fuck would you want to "restart" anything with him?

Not a rhetorical question, I'd actually be interested in an answer. Your boyfriend reveals himself to be a lying cheating scumbag from the moment he met you and your first thought is "Yes, I want more of that."

Why would you thing giving him another chance would see any change in behaviour. You're essentially telling him "You're a horrendous human being. Turns out I'm into that. Please continue"

… and now says that he wants to build a life with me/buy a house with me.

@JosieDodo, how did you not laugh in his face when he uttered these words? He is a master manipulator and liar, so the thought of putting your future in his hands should horrify you.

as if the relationship started recently (Since he last slept with his ex)

No offence but are you seriously suggesting you pretend your relationship started only recently and pick a fake start date for it ..... So you can sort of pretend he hasn't cheated on you (and another woman) for 10 months?

What a great solution for infidelity; ok, I'll just pretend the relationship started from some date after he stopped cheating on me & living a double life.

But it didn't.

Anyway he's not your "OH".

You've only been seeing him for a year and now you know he's been seeing you alongside another woman for 83% of it.

He's a boyfriend/someone you're seeing - that's all - and he's as shitty as one could be.

Cheater, liar, gas lighter.

She says he's with you for money, and coincidentally he's talking about buying a property together..... Maybe she's right. He's clearly said some things that have made her think that.

#1. She's not the EX. She is the current.

#2. You are the OW or the FWB.

He cheats on multiple women.
He lies.
He calls the women paranoid and gas lights then when they suspect it.
He'd have kept on doing that if you hadn't got solid proof from his other partner.

What exactly is quality partner material about him?

If he was a business partner, would you be investing in him/his company??
Someone who defrauded you for 10 months? And derided your mental health when you suspected the fraud?

You'd run a fkg mile. You'd be taking him to court.

The hills are that way >>>

Run!

Then block across all channels.

Also get a STI check

What's worrying is that you even need your ask? You do know this is not good, not right, don't you?

Great advice from PPs and, as Oblomov says, how is this even a question? Get rid.

As a few PPs have said: (i) it sounds like his ex was the GF and you were the OW; and (ii) he was using each of you as a place to crash.

And lose the expression “other half”. It’s naff, anyway (you and your BF are two whole people); he is only your BF, not someone you’ve been with for decades; and it feeds the suggestion that you are somehow one - how could you possibly consider this guy as being one with you when he has cheated throughout your relationship?

Utterly confused as to how on earth you think this would ever work out in YOUR favour.

He is a nasty abusive man. He stole your right to informed sexual consent, your personal agency and has gas lit and manipulated you.

You stay and you will only have yourself to blame as he is simply not a safe person for you.

Be your own hero, work on developing some strong boundaries and get rid of this absolute dead weight.

How deeply sad that all you think you deserve is cheating lying scum for a partner.
So sad.

If you stay he will cheat again OP. He has zero respect for you.

What would you say to your best friend, if this was happening to them? If they had actual proof of cheating but were told they were being paranoid? If they were now being promised a second chance to buy a home with this man? I think you know the answer. Come on OP

Why move in together within a year? No wait. Don’t tell me. He’s living at your place?

What do you mean he threatened to end it? You have power. Do you enjoy soap opera style drama or something? Embarrassed for you.