Infidelity within the first year

[JosieDodo]

I’ve been with my OH for just over one year. We live together, but he works away during the week. I’ve just found out that he has been cheating on me with his ex. Seeing me on weekends, and her during the week. This has been going on since the start of our relationship, up until a couple of months ago. He’s been telling us both that he loves us and we’re the only one for him. The other one is “Just a friend” or “No way, I’d never go back to her”. It came to a head recently, when his ex and I happened to run into each other. I asked him about what I’d discovered, but he got very defensive and threatened to end our relationship, claiming to be sick of my “Paranoia”. I have evidence that it has been happening, so I know it’s not paranoia or my imagination. He’s admitted to having changed since the start of our relationship, even though he hasn’t been specific about how he’s changed, and now says that he wants to build a life with me / buy a house with me. His ex has suggested that he’s only with me for my money - not that I have much! Do I put the past down to experience and carry on as if the relationship started recently (Since he last slept with his ex), or do you think I’m letting myself be abused and exposing myself to a life of him lying and cheating?

WHY do you even need to ask this? Why would you possibly consider staying with him?

He is using you both as a crash pad at different ends of the week to save on accommodation costs. If you stay with him you'll probably end up with an STI so I'd get checked if were you.

Why the hell would you want this???

The first year is literally the easiest and best time in a relationship. It should be filled with fun and romantic weekends away and getting to know each others quirks and favourite foods. Not this bloody drama. It only goes downhill and gets harder from here. If this is the best it will ever be, you don’t want to see what it’s like 6 years in when the sex is infrequent and he’s really bored of you. Chuck him in the bin!

What the hell is wrong with you?! You cut this piece of shit out of your life. Immediately.

So often on here I wonder how the hell women actually end up with the shitscrape men they describe. I mean, weren’t there SIGNS? - then I see posts like this and I get it.

If you can honestly picture yourself living a life with this person… having fun, being intimate, sharing a joke, holding hands - knowing what you know about how much he doesn’t really give a shit about you, then you really really need to stay away from relationships until you have had some therapy. I know how harsh this sounds. But you need it.

do you think I’m letting myself be abused and exposing myself to a life of him lying and cheating?

Yes
Easy
Run OP run

Get rid of him now
You could never trust him

This

You can do a lot better than being treated this way. Dump and block.

This person has been living a double life. He has been lying and deceiving 2 others for a looong time. This isn't someone who I would ever trust again in a million years. I wish you well OP, but I would seriously think about what that man is capable of before you agree to any further commitment.

Once is a bad mistake, which will haunt for years, ongoing is calculated. Very immature and selfish, both of you need to dump him! Xx

He’s changed his lying, cheating scumbag ways in just a year. Hallelujah! It’s a miracle! It must be true love…..
…… or, you know, he’s still a lying, cheating scumbag completely able to easily lead a double life with absolutely no signs guilt (I’d argue a sociopath).
Believe more lies if you want.

You really have to ask?

Quite!

This is a pattern of behaviour that's not likely to change.
Don't take it personally, but do get rid of this loser asap.

In the bin!

😂😂😂😂😂

@JosieDodo, this con artist has duped and made a fool of you for a year, and then called you paranoid after you presented proof. If you hadn’t bumped into his other mistress and compared notes, you’d be none the wiser.

You are no longer in the dark. Why on earth are you still with this morally bankrupt schemer who has no conscience? He stole your agency/consent/choices and risked your sexual health, as he did her. He is poison and you should avoid him like the plague.

If you stay with him, your life will be hell on earth.

No way this is not a wind up, I refuse to believe it

Get rid of him now.

Never settle, never compromise, never accept a cheat. Always remember 'I would rather accommodate my life to your absence than accommodate my life to your disrespect'.

If this is real, it’s time to scrape the shit off your shoe and get rid of him from your life. You don’t need him.

Have I got this right? You bumped into his ex to discover that she isn’t an ex at all and he’s still seeing her.

When you confront him he weirdly:
”got very defensive and threatened to end our relationship, claiming to be sick of my “Paranoia” “

So he thought that you wouldn’t actually be ending the relationship? He thought it was still up to him what happened next? He called you paranoid when you actually have spoken to the woman herself?

He’s not right OP. He sounds like a potential narc. You absolutely must end it. It is unfathomable to me that you haven’t. He will never be faithful. He has no conscience about it either and even when confronted with overwhelming evidence will attempt gaslighting. This is a window into your future life if you stay.

🚮 and 🏃🏽‍♀️ OP.

Why are you even on here asking??

Raise the bar OP.

if a man can’t be faithful at the start of a relationship what hope is there for the rest of it.

He’s wasting your time. For gods sake, dump him and move on. He’s a lying little shit.

That's very sad to hear.
Please walk away. Know your worth. I don't think you will ever have peace of mind being together with someone like that.