ExP made me take morning after pill

[hellmama]

I'm trying to process this and just need to get it out.

ExP and I have a child together. I'm a mug and we've split up/ been on and off many times. I've had to report him to police in the past for domestic abuse.

Towards the end of last year, there were a couple of times we had sex without protection and he finished inside me, knowing I'm not on any contraception (I was to be fair on me waiting on an appt for the coil at the time).

The first time he was at work the following day but told me I must go and get the morning after pill or we were done and he'd never see me or our child again. I went and got it and the pharmacist did take me in a private room and I did say I didn't really want to and that I had issues with my bf and he was insisting on it.

When he got home he made me take it in front of him and then grabbed me and forced my mouth open after to make sure I'd taken it.

The second time he made similar threats and came to the pharmacy with me, stood at the counter with me and didn't give me any chance to speak to the pharmacist alone. He then did the same afterwards and made me take it and checked my mouth.

I guess I'm lucky in ways I've realised how unhealthy the relationship, I'm lucky we did never have another child together.

I didn't necessarily hope to be pregnant at the time but taking the morning after pill just isn't something I've ever done and I wasn't sure if my own feelings about it. I really felt coerced into it.

I just needed to get it out and wondered if I'm wrong for feeling sad about it.

Not at all wrong to have feelings about this one. Sounds like an experience which might need processing. Coercive behaviour is horrible. So sorry that happened to you OP.

Taking the morning after pill seems like the absolute least of your problems and 100% the right choice, even if he unpleasantly coerced you into taking it. Please stop sleeping with this violent man and creating such a complex situation for your child.

Is he coercing you into unprotected sex OP? I don't understand why he didn't use condoms or wait for your coil fitting if he's that obsessed with pregnancy. Also why you didn't feel you could say no to sex without protection. Do you feel under pressure to do what he wants?

This was last year and we haven't been together in a long time. But thanks for your helpful response. It was only twice as well, I wasn't having unprotected sex with him "constantly".

He isn't as I'm not with him anymore. I don't know why he did it. I think he just felt like it. We'd been using condoms, which he didn't like. I don't know if he did it as a way of control to do what he wants as he was very controlling when we were together.

Thank you x

I'm sorry to hear that. I can understand why you're upset. I'm sure there's more to his behaviour than you've said here.

Do you think therapy would help to discuss these feelings and help process them? Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? It helps you to recognise abusive behaviour and learn about healthy relationships.

You got yourself into that horrible situation by having sex with him without using any contraceptive protection. Not just once, but twice.

Stop having sex with him. Your relationship is/has been on and off, he's abusive and controlling. Your poor child doesn't need that.

The MAP is emergency contraception. I’m not sure why you didn’t want to take it other than you were hoping to be pregnant.

Thing is, it’s not as if you had a termination, you just prevented a pregnancy which probably wasn’t going to happen anyway
.

It's hard to explain. It's not necessarily that I wanted to be pregnant. Its just the way he went about it, and feeling forced into it and feeling not able to think about it and make my own choice.

There is a lot of backstory to everything this is just one of the things I'm trying to process and haven't been able to tell anyone in real life.

Thanks for being kind and understanding @cupcaske123

Your wording suggests otherwise, you can’t really blame people for thinking it was more. Either way, having unprotected sex every time you have shagged him and then getting upset at being forced to take the map is 100% ‘actively trying’ to get pregnant.

@Aylestone I said in my opening post this was last year.

It also wasn't the only 2 times we had sex, I've said we were in a relationship but aren't anymore. The relationship has been on and off over the years but at the time we were together.

But getting the morning after pill was the right thing to do. Clearly it would be insane to get pregnant to the man, so I don't really understand the issue?

Both occasions where you say the pharmacist knew you didn’t want to take it, and then when your ex wouldn't let you speak, sound very alarming.

One child in this horrible relationship is plenty. If you need help processing it all see if you can get some therapy. Having unprotected sex is ttc. It’s good you didn’t get pregnant again, either time.

Oh OP I'm so sorry that you've been in such a horrible situation. Well done for leaving. Whilst it sounds like the MAP was probably a good idea both times, you should not have been coerced into it like that, I'd imagine that only contributed to the trauma you've experienced from your ex.

Would you consider some counselling? I'd also recommend https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ too, it's very good and may help you come to terms with things. Processing this will get easier with time, I'm sure that you've only shared the tip of the iceberg.

RTFT op isn’t sleeping with him anymore.

Because this is exactly the tone to take with someone who has left a controlling relationship 🙄

I think some people don’t understand the dynamics of psychologically abusive relationships.

I’m glad you’re rid of him OP, he sounds very unpleasant.

Good grief.
I am shocked at the posts berating the OP. No-one, but no-one, regardless of the situation, has the right to coerce you to take any medicine or indeed anything. He’s basically also assaulted you to check you have taken it.
Whether taking the MAP was the right thing to do or not is besides the point. It should have been your decision and your decision alone what to do at this point. His role ended when he ejaculated.
I am not surprised you need to process this.
On top of this, it sounds like you did not expect him to come inside you, but rather to be more careful as you were not on any contraception.
It is good that you are no longer with him.

I’m sorry you went through this and still feel upset about it.

You cannot change the past but you can use it to make sure you never give him another chance again.

Sorry to anyone if I wasn't clear in my OP. We were in a relationship when this happened. It wasn't the only times we had sex during that period.

We were having regular sex at the time, just with condoms which I know he didn't like as he told me.

It has been an on off relationship over the years and we had split up a few times then got back together.

I had reported him more than once to the police for various things. But always got back with him. I know I'm wrong for that.

I haven't been with him in 6 months and my child doesn't see him at all.

I'm just trying to process bits of what happened and this is one thing I haven't been able to speak to anyone about.

I guess I was just wanting to get it out.

Hellmama
Sounds like you have had a difficult time. I know things are not clear when you are in midst of abusive relationship. I understand previous posters views that the map was right decision and hopefully with time you will be able to feel that too. But I understand the triggering upsetting memory is how it happened. It makes sense - we all want to have control over our own bodies - that’s human nature and the way he treated you was not ok.
Even being pressured to make a decision can almost paralyse or confuse your own feelings.
Take care

Feel conflicted about this, forcing you to take the MAP without your willing consent is abusive (definitely in the manner he did it). It was probably also the best outcome for you.

Is it the entitlement of him assuming control over your body that is bugging you?