ExP made me take morning after pill

[hellmama]

I'm trying to process this and just need to get it out.

ExP and I have a child together. I'm a mug and we've split up/ been on and off many times. I've had to report him to police in the past for domestic abuse.

Towards the end of last year, there were a couple of times we had sex without protection and he finished inside me, knowing I'm not on any contraception (I was to be fair on me waiting on an appt for the coil at the time).

The first time he was at work the following day but told me I must go and get the morning after pill or we were done and he'd never see me or our child again. I went and got it and the pharmacist did take me in a private room and I did say I didn't really want to and that I had issues with my bf and he was insisting on it.

When he got home he made me take it in front of him and then grabbed me and forced my mouth open after to make sure I'd taken it.

The second time he made similar threats and came to the pharmacy with me, stood at the counter with me and didn't give me any chance to speak to the pharmacist alone. He then did the same afterwards and made me take it and checked my mouth.

I guess I'm lucky in ways I've realised how unhealthy the relationship, I'm lucky we did never have another child together.

I didn't necessarily hope to be pregnant at the time but taking the morning after pill just isn't something I've ever done and I wasn't sure if my own feelings about it. I really felt coerced into it.

I just needed to get it out and wondered if I'm wrong for feeling sad about it.

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Me neither. It was for the best alround.

Sounds like he is awful, but really strange you would not want to use protection or take morning after pill IMO

This.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope it has helped you to get it out and share what you went through. You were in an abusive relationship with a controlling man and it's a very good thing that you are not with him any more. Take care of yourself lovely 💐

So you’d be happy with your partner forcing your mouth open to chk you’ve taken medication?
Talk about being deliberately obtuse.

Thank you to everyone that's been kind, and understanding of my feelings towards what happened. It's complex. It definitely helps just being able to write it down.

Reading some of the mean, judgemental, and ill-informed posts on this threads, it’s really obvious why female-dominated juries are actually less likely to convict men accused on sexual violence and domestic abuse. So depressing.

@hellmama please ignore all the victim blaming in this thread. You’ve done really well to get away from him, and it’s totally normal to be working through all the bad experiences you had in the relationship.

This is a strange thread, why didn’t you want to take the morning after pill? Was you hoping to get pregnant? Sounds like it.

Feelings can't actually be wrong, you are responding emotionally to what happened to you. Your reaction is complex and personal to you, it is automatic and mostly based on thoughts.
Thoughts on the other hand can be wrong. Thoughts need to be put straight and feelings processed. Counselling (with a good counsellor) is the easiest way, writing (like just writing whatever comes into your head for 10 minutes a day) can help to. Alternatively creative activities where you express yourself are good because you don't have to use words.
Like DownThePubWithStevieNicks said please ignore all the judgemental people on here , they're too eager to share their opinion without thinking about if they should, judging someone is rarely helpful.

If you were having sex with him without protection, I think you wanted to get pregnant. So taking the morning after pill is a disappointment.

Honestly, if you want a second child it's better with a better man. X

^When he got home he made me take it in front of him and then grabbed me and forced my mouth open after to make sure I'd taken it.

The second time he made similar threats and came to the pharmacy with me, stood at the counter with me and didn't give me any chance to speak to the pharmacist alone. He then did the same afterwards and made me take it and checked my mouth.^

This is utterly shocking. Please phone women's aid.

Fucking hell, OP, some of the responses here are completely shameful and you need to ignore anyone blaming you or shrugging it off.

Your ex asssulted you and coerced you into taking medication you weren't sure you wanted. That is seriously wrong and traumatising so I'm not at all surprised you're struggling.

I hope you have real life friends you can confide in, and I strongly recommend counselling.

This is a very complex situation. Sex without a condom and coming inside of you was reckless and abusive. The man does not know any other way to be. Ordering you to take the MAP, following you to the pharmacy, and forcing you to take the pill was just another aspect of his abuse of you. For the exact same reason he could—and possibly will at some other point—coerce you into having sex and deliberately get you pregnant. For an abusive person the goal is control and humiliation of the part. Sometimes that is done by overriding your reproductive choice and bodily autonomy by denying you the pregnancy, sometimes by forcing you to get pregnant.

The means of abuse may change but the goal remains the same.

Since you have managed to end it I do hope you take care and do one of the courses available to you to learn how to harden your boundaries and not get abused again. “on again/off again” doesn’t mean anything to these guys. As far as they are concerned they own you even if they have temporarily put you up on the shelf—or let you think you have the power to reject them. You must be very strong to avoid letting this monster back in your life.

What the actual fuck?! He did her a favour by assaulting her?! Christ, when women are this willing to absolve violent men I start to lose all faith in humanity.

Seriously?! You don't see the issue with a man physically forcing someone to take a serious medication and then grabbing to check she had swallowed it?

I'm so sorry this happened to you @hellmama It's very natural that you would feel shaken and potentially traumatised even if you didn't want to be pregnant. I would really recommend seeing a counsellor who has an understanding or domestic abuse and coercive control.

I think so many people are missing the point. He assaulted her to check she’d taken the pill instead of trusting her as decent people would do.

I am so sorry that your ex abused you, OP, both by having sex without a condom when you had agreed he would use them and by forcing you to take medicine.

It doesn’t matter whether you would have taken it yourself with some deep breaths and sad thoughts, he trampled over your bodily autonomy with what he did.

It also doesn’t matter if he did those things when you were in a relationship or when you were exes sleeping together occasionally, though I know it was the former. Abuse is abuse.

I wish you luck with your recovery.

i am honestly shocked that so many don’t understand the issue here.
sending hugs OP.
good that you have made it to the other side and can see more clearly your exes abusive behaviour. x

I am horrified by your experiences with this man, op.

I am so sorry.

I hope you can keep yourself safe from now on.

Some total pricks on here again today, OP ignore them and to the total pricks, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

I've read some nasty, victim blaming shit on here over the years but it still saddens me how some people can be so nasty.

Utter scum

He's an arsehole and I'm delighted you've kicked him to the kerb. If you need to talk about the issues he caused you could you seek counselling?
I hope you can move on with your life without him in it.

Thank you. I did start the freedom program however I didn't make it to the end. I have a habit of ducking out of things when they become too much. Did the same with therapy, I just don't seem able to get through and close off when things get to hard.

I know it's something I really need to do though.