Men. What do you need?

[Lucy Long Socks]

Just wondering what men require from a long term relationship. Physical and mental, family, friends, the home, work, holidays. Anything really. What will make you stick around and enjoy it. Or not enjoy it. Interested.

I've been reading romance novels recently - that's not skewed my views right?

Regarding, men having zero interest in single mums over 40, could it be, they’re always looking for a woman to be 10 years younger than them, rather than it being the woman has a child?

That sounds like perfection. Can I tweak it slightly and add ‘and who loves giving me oral’? That’s it. Literally nothing to add.

Possibly, but probably not.

I think if the opposite was applied, most 30 something woman without children wouldn’t pick a man in their 40’s with a child/children as high on their priority list….

I think when one partner has a child and the other doesn’t, there will often be an uneven balance of how much time/love one can give to the other. We all know kids will come first, but everyone talks about equality in relationships…

Oh my goodness, l just googled sandwich, l think l need to get more!

Depends on a man.
I always managed to find men who probably have some sort of undiscovered mummy/dominatrix fetish as all of them were perfectly fine with me ordering them around, telling them off, swapping between caring and demanding and organising their life however I see fit.
Or at least they thought that time with me is worth the drama. Tbh I do cook and enjoy sex so it probably plays in my favour.
I was never dumped and currently happily married.

#Please do not follow me for more relationship advice.

My experience has been provide food and do the housework. Sex on tap. Don't expect "help" with childcare or housework. But you still have to bring in a salery. And you job can't be better than his. Notice every tiny thing he does that nice or n'étiras and gush gratitude- do not expect him to notice what you do and for god sake dont point it out to him!

Don't make him spend time with your family and friends. Always say yes to his family and friends. Follow all your MIL parenting advice.

Be happy as designated driver every time you go out.

Organise all the childcare. Stay home yourself when child is sick his job is too important.

Follow his advice on your car/furniture/tv purchases. Even if you know more about something than him it's important you don't damage his ego so just do as he suggested.

Give him whatever porn asked sex he wants. Make the noises they make in porn. Keep yourself attractive. Cum easily often and loudly don't make him work for it as sex is about his needs. But he needs you to cum for his ego so you have to do that.

Don't produce a disabled child.

And absolutely do not get sick and expect him to care. If you get anything long term or serious you cannot let it impact your duties or he will be unhappy. He also does not want to give you sympathy he needs it more from you because he is impacted so bad by your withdrawal of his care.

I'm told not all men are like this however.

Yes, completely get what you’re saying.

Why wait that long? ;-)

Lol me too. I spent longer than I should have looking at that username like this 😕

I'm imagining it was something along the lines polly in peaky blinders once said x

Typo! I meant, l need to get out more!

Are we not talking about cheese sandwiches then?

I might need to be enlightened on this please.

stupid sexist joke

I'd love to have given you a man's perspective on that post but MNHQ won't let me!!!!!!

No.

This is like saying, "Do women want someone who is financially secure, or just 'older'? It is the accomplishments and potential of that position, rather than the 'age'.

These 'incel'/mgtow websites do actually summarise it quite well.

-That child is not yours, so there's no advantage to you nurturing someone else's genetic lineage.
-That child will ALWAYS come first. Dates will be cancelled, events will be disrupted.
-You'll never be able to discipline that child. They'll be able to say anything and do anything... if you so much as raise your voice to them in front of mum, you're screwed.
-Dad may be around = competition
-"You're not my father" aggression.
-Invariably, money, time, and effort will be put into that kid... these do not benefit the man.

And the big one. Say you love that child, bond with them, absolutely treat them as your own, and wholeheartedly believe they are your own... if the relationship breaks down, you have ZERO say in what happens. That child is GONE. Why would any man willingly sign up for that?

Plus, you're right... the age factors adding onto that. A woman that age is burned by life. She's single for a reason. Have men hurt her? Has she been with lots of men? (often a metric for potential unfaithfulness). Sex often declines after 30 and/or kids. She's older, more assertive, more demanding, more controlling. Men 'can' look distinguished as they get older, but very few women improve with age, it's (usually) visually downhill from 30. You'll never hear someone say "oh she's way more beautiful at 40 than 20". It's rare (sorry). Plus with younger, you are biologically more able to have kids, your own kids, and a single mum might not want more. After 40, much of what men look for in women is gone and/or corrupted.

I don't agree with a lot of these, but these are the general feelings for many men. It's not fair, I agree...

Oh my goodness😂 I made a typo error, l didn’t know what the term meant, l Googled it because l thought, what has sandwiches got to do with what men need.Instead of typing, I need to get out more, l typed l need to get more.I don’t why l was so embarrassed, nobody knows me here.
Note to myself, always check what l type before l send it.

Fun - I want to be able to laugh with my partner. I want to enjoy days / nights out with them. I want to have a laugh when we're sat in front of the TV together. I want us to be able to enjoy each others company, and make each other laugh, even when life itself is a bit shit.

Affection - I'm not talking about sex here, but just the little things that show that someone loves you. I've been in relationships where I never got a spontaneous hug outside of the bedroom. Or never had a compliment. I don't need much, just something every so often that signals "I love you".

Equality - I don't need everything to be exactly equal. DP earns less than me because she works part time. But she takes on more of the mental load at home as a result. I cook, she hoovers, because we both hate doing the other thing. She deals with insurance etc, I deal with school stuff. We don't share every task equally, but we have equality overall.

Conflict resolution - I don't shout. Haven't since I was a teen because I'm a big man with a deep voice and it scares people. If I argue, I do it calmly. I want a partner who's the same, who even if her emotions are flying is still capable of having a calm conversation and resolving a conflict without resorting to insults or shouting.

Sex - I want good / frequent sex. If only one is on the table, then I'll take the good over the frequent. And good means enjoyable for both of us. I don't want to sleep with someone who's only doing it because they feel they should. I want a partner who's engaged, can communicate what she wants, initiates half the time. The actual sex act is very rarely important, its how much we enjoy doing it.

Chattiness - Look, I'm quiet. I've tried not to be and I'm just not good at it. I need a partner who can fill that conversational hole, and not even notice she's doing it.

Thoughtfulness - I want a partner who thinks about me. Who notices what I like, who spots when I need some space, or need a hug. Someone who enjoys surprising me, who encourages me to take time for myself

Love - This one is self explanatory really.

Luckily, DP has been all these things for me for the last 20 years, and I've tried to be the same for her. Sometimes something goes by the wayside - we've had entire years without sex due to ill health or grief, a couple of times she's shouted at me because I've really not listened properly when she's tried to discuss an issue. But she always tries to be the above for me, and I always try to meet her needs in the same way.

I think we have a good relationship, and I hope we've modelled that for DD. DD dumped her first boyfriend the other day. They argued, not for the first time, but this time he called her a bitch and she ended it instantly. I'm very proud of her for that, and I'm a little bit proud of me and DP as well.