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Original poster

Brother disowned my partner advice

79 replies

Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 13:55

Hi Everyone

Am I going crazy?
In short we had a night out booked, my partner and I, my brother and his partner and my son.
On the night my partner said he may leave early.
My brother then cancelled and didn't come because he said my partner was out of order to him!

I no longer have a relationship with my brother because he says my partner was out of order towards him for suggesting he may leave early.

I say it's nothing to do with my brother and my partner doesn't have to answer to him.

Am I wrong?
Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:34

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 27/08/2024 14:24

Let him carry on with his tantrum. There's not really much else to do.

Are your parents pandering to him?

My parents aren't around it's just me and my brother.
I've just carried on as normal but my brother is adamant he wants nothing to do with my partner and has disowned him. Referred to him as a stranger and uninvited him from events etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:36

PolePrince55 · 27/08/2024 14:27

Maybe ur brother has other reasons for disliking you partner x

He has always been overly suspicious of him with no actual reason why.
He now calls him a stranger and not part of the family

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:37

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2024 14:29

How old are you all?

My partner and I are 47 and my brother is 48

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 27/08/2024 14:38

It sounds like it would be best to take a step back from your brother for a while.

Decaffeinatedplease · 27/08/2024 14:39

I can't believe all these people trying to twist themselves in knots to defend your brother, he has a history of over-reacting and he's over-reacting here. It might be a blessing for you and your partner if you have much less to do with him. Going home at 11 and not wanting to go clubbing is not grounds for permanent estrangement from your sister!

Azerothi · 27/08/2024 14:39

What difference does it make to you if your brother doesn't like your boyfriend? Who cares really.

I think your boyfriend was a bit passive aggressive to your brother by saying he might leave early.

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:41

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 27/08/2024 14:38

It sounds like it would be best to take a step back from your brother for a while.

Yes I have done since the night out in April but recently he has raised it again and is adamant that he wants nothing to do with my partner so I'm keeping my distance as I find it childish and ridiculous if I'm honest. Sadly it means our relationship is non existent as a brother and sister and family unit

OP posts:
Decaffeinatedplease · 27/08/2024 14:41

Why should he even go out at all with you on a night out- you are the sister, if he doesn't like clubbing, he can stay in? It's not 'insulting' to go out for a few pints and then go home early if you aren't into going out later. It's normal behaviour.

I'm guessing your brother falls out with a lot of people.

Decaffeinatedplease · 27/08/2024 14:43

I'm sorry, OP. It's clear that the problem here is your brother, but it's affecting your relationship with your family. I would keep talking to the rest of them and leave him to have his 'stance' on things. I think this butting heads is very common amongst men in some families and it's always from a place of fragile masculinity and stirring up trouble. Keep yourself away if you think your partner is good for you (and keep talking to the rest of your family whatever happens, if you can).

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:45

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2024 14:28

If you arrange a night out, it is possible to be a bit miffed if someone wants to leave early

What was the reason?

Show quote history

It was a clubbing night that my partner doesn't really like. My brother and I are clubbers so my partner agreed to come along as my brothers partner also isn't a clubber and always leaves early so on the night before we got there he let me know he may leave early.
I was fine with it but my brother kicked off

OP posts:
TransformerZ · 27/08/2024 14:45

Look up the word disowned in a dictionary or the internet.

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:48

Decaffeinatedplease · 27/08/2024 14:39

I can't believe all these people trying to twist themselves in knots to defend your brother, he has a history of over-reacting and he's over-reacting here. It might be a blessing for you and your partner if you have much less to do with him. Going home at 11 and not wanting to go clubbing is not grounds for permanent estrangement from your sister!

Thanks. The night actually finished at 11pm. We got there at 5pm and my partner said he may leave around 9pm after a few drinks before we all go on the dance floor as it's not really his thing.
My brother talks to me by message but any chance he gets he says my partner is a stranger and no trustworthy and he wants nothing to do with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:50

Azerothi · 27/08/2024 14:39

What difference does it make to you if your brother doesn't like your boyfriend? Who cares really.

I think your boyfriend was a bit passive aggressive to your brother by saying he might leave early.

Because we are a small family unit with no other siblings and parents so we all spent time together. If my brother disown my partner we can't all continue to have nights out, holidays etc.
My partner didn't say it to my brother he said it to me and why does my partner have to explain himself to my brother?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 27/08/2024 14:51

I think your brother is very...........odd.

I'd go NC with him because life's difficult enough without his hissy-fit weirdness!

Maddy70 · 27/08/2024 14:52

There has to be a back story....
Leave them to it

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:53

TransformerZ · 27/08/2024 14:45

Look up the word disowned in a dictionary or the internet.

I know it means and its exactly what my brother has done to my partner?

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:56

Maddy70 · 27/08/2024 14:52

There has to be a back story....
Leave them to it

The back story is that we have all been fine and going out etc for years.
My brothers partner has left early many times over the years but nobody has said anything other than no problem see you soon.
My partner has cancelled a night out once because he was ill but other than that nothing else has happened.
My brother has always criticised my partner or questioned what we do in our day to day life but we have always just ignored it.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkles · 27/08/2024 15:02

It sounds like your brother is behaving incredibly strangely. This is the kind of minor rudeness it usually isn't worth making a fuss over. Either he has some other problem with your partner or he is a complete twat. Most likely the latter as he keeps bringing it up months down the line.

My point is the only person my partner has to answer to is me surely?

No. If my sister's husband is rude to me it isn't for my sister to decide his behaviour is okay and I should suck it up! People have a right to set their own boundaries about how they're prepared to be treated, even if the rude one is a siblings partner.

BMW6 · 27/08/2024 15:08

I wonder if your brother has seized on this as an excuse to go NC with your partner as you've said he doesn't like him?

Pretty pathetic of him if so.

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 15:13

JemimaTiggywinkles · 27/08/2024 15:02

It sounds like your brother is behaving incredibly strangely. This is the kind of minor rudeness it usually isn't worth making a fuss over. Either he has some other problem with your partner or he is a complete twat. Most likely the latter as he keeps bringing it up months down the line.

My point is the only person my partner has to answer to is me surely?

No. If my sister's husband is rude to me it isn't for my sister to decide his behaviour is okay and I should suck it up! People have a right to set their own boundaries about how they're prepared to be treated, even if the rude one is a siblings partner.

I appreciate what you've said but I've never found my brothers partner leaving as rude towards me. If my brother says he doesn't mind why would I find that rude?
I agree with setting boundaries but over leaving 2 hours early isn't really hurting anyone to justify boundary setting in my opinion. I have never felt offended when my brothers partner has left early on many many occasions, in fact we are surprised when he stays?

OP posts:
Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 15:15

BMW6 · 27/08/2024 15:08

I wonder if your brother has seized on this as an excuse to go NC with your partner as you've said he doesn't like him?

Pretty pathetic of him if so.

Yes that's possible as he is now bringing up random things to ridicule my partner about months later eg having to look after his son during school holidays on days I can't get annual leave and leaving me on my own, apparently putting his son before me all the time

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 27/08/2024 15:23

Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 14:41

Yes I have done since the night out in April but recently he has raised it again and is adamant that he wants nothing to do with my partner so I'm keeping my distance as I find it childish and ridiculous if I'm honest. Sadly it means our relationship is non existent as a brother and sister and family unit

Show quote history

For someone that wants nothing to do with your partner he talks about your partner a lot.

Original poster
Simplymeunapologetically · 27/08/2024 15:26

TorroFerney · 27/08/2024 15:23

For someone that wants nothing to do with your partner he talks about your partner a lot.

Show quote history

Yes he didn't mention him for a while and I hadn't seen my brother.
He asked about me being off work and where was my partner so I told him he's away with his son and he started again about the night out and saying I've been warned about how my partner is dodgy and leaving me on my own to prioritise seeing his son which is wrong in his eyes. He didn't actually ask if I was happy being on my own. He doesn't ask if I'm happy only says I'm covering up that om unhappy.. it's just frustrating as I'm fine and haven't suggested there's a problem or asked for advice

OP posts:
Decaffeinatedplease · 27/08/2024 15:41

There seems like a lot going on here. Usually people would think a dad going to look after his son is a good thing. I think there are massive jealousy issues, also your brother doesn't like your partner for some reason- may be justified, may not be justified, but either way, his interventions are not helpful, because what you need is a sympathetic supportive listening ear, not someone slagging off your partner, especially for things which seem quite odd, like not going clubbing or going to care for his child.

Hadjab · 27/08/2024 15:43

Azerothi · 27/08/2024 14:39

What difference does it make to you if your brother doesn't like your boyfriend? Who cares really.

I think your boyfriend was a bit passive aggressive to your brother by saying he might leave early.

In what fantasy world can it possibly be passive aggressive to suggest you may leave a night out early?