D all men become grumpy and unbearable at 55?

[Georgeismydog]

To those of you that are married to a grumpy husband aka Victor Meldrew, help. It is really seriously grinding me down

Yesterday evening he indulged in his new favourite past time, reading planning applications and then constantly moaning about them. All evening he was spouting off about one. He literally did not draw a breath. I'm not even sure he noticed I was in the room.

He is 55 in a few days time and he moans, snores and dozes on repeat.

Is my life ahead?

55? More like 35.

I’ve started dating Gen Z men (albeit casually) for a dose of optimism, fun and, er, the physical advantages (I think testosterone peaks in a man’s 20s?)

Can’t imagine spending my days with someone grumpy - time to leave for a better life perhaps, OP?!

Give him short shift about his behaviour and an ultimatum. Life is short.

Mine (ex) started about 40... grumpier and grumpier and really unpleasant.

i am menopausal and can get angry but I only get angry about things one should to be angry about. There is a difference!

OP I'd have left the room. That's what I do when my victor meldrew starts a rant.

DH is 52 and is never like that. He’s always active and up for doing things. It’s not his age it’s just him.

That sounds so utterly tedious. I've no direct experience on this one as my DP is 36 and only grumpy in the mornings but I suspect my stepdad can be a bit of a grumpy old man about things at times. Often grumbling about other people doing people things. It seems to have happened around the same time as him getting older and less able to do his previous active hobbies (mountain biking was one of them) and I wonder if he's a bit depressed, lost his love of life and has turned his focus to criticising others/being irritable about things he reads online.
My dad is around the same age as step dad but dad still pursues things (stone carving, mostly which he's built quite a reputation for and has done some lovely pieces for various community things) and is much more happy and tolerant.

Does your DH have things that bring him pleasure in life and distract him from the planning applications 🤣

My DH is 50 and be like this. Blahing on about things that are nothing to do with him and how awful/stupid they are. It's not even things that matter like the news. Just random things.

Or he tries to tell me interesting fact from military history. Deep sigh.

I just nod and say 'oh really' before putting in my AirPods so I can't hear him.

Late 40s. Between that and his drop in libido, it almost wrecked our marriage.

He's on a whole concoction of tablets now and, mid 50s, is much more like the man I used to know.

Tell him to do something about it then rather than rant at you.

All planning applications have options for public comments.

No not all men are like this.

My H, and a lot of the men we know, are in their 50s and still enjoy life, don't rant or doze, snore a bit but just a bit. They discuss current affairs but rant and do nothing no.

Generalisation here but seemingly accurate in our experience, men who are content, have fulfilling jobs, happy home, spend little if anytime on social media, get their news from more broadsheet sources, have hobbies they enjoy and put time into their children and families, like debating accepting they might change their mind, so are open to other people's points of view, are the ones who don't rant.

Ones who think they are right "end of" rant. They are tedious to be around.

So if he feels so passionately about this planning application, that's a good starting point for him to get involved with local issues. It might become the start of a whole new lease of life. Suggest he does something then OP or shut up about it. It really is what you do that matters not what you say. So cut off you as his sounding board. He'll soon shush.

Actions speak louder than words. Quite true.

No they don't. If anything my husband is much more easy going and happy.

Dh is 61 and nothing like that. He makes me laugh every day.
He is not a grumbler and he's hardly ever angry.
In fact I can't remember the last time he was angry tbh.

Yeah mine is a bit like this. To be fair he admits it and calls himself a moaning bastard 😆

At 59, my dh is the same as yours=I’m the grump in our house 🤣

I've made a bingo card with all his monotonous gripes on - I've ticked two off already and it's only 8.30

Mine is 64.
No interest in things around him or making the most of free time.
Watches TV ad nauseam.
I've suggested a GP appointment or taking his ADs but he thinks he is ok.
Moans about HS2 disrupting his journey to work.

Grumpy people are just grumpy, regardless of age.

I suspect Victor Meldrew was significantly older than 55 by the way.

I work with a lot of elderly and middle aged couples. As pp said, the ones that have hobbies, fulfilling careers, friends and families around them tend to be a delight. The ones that are retired or fed up with their jobs, have no interests or hobbies besides criticising their wives are the miserable bastards.

I think it's really easy to let your world get smaller the older you get. Your dh needs to actively look for fulfilling things to do with his time besides melting your brain with his gripes and rants. However, don't fall into the trap of being the one to find new activities or hobbies for him! I know one couple like that where the poor wife is constantly suggesting activities or days out to the husband and he just uses it as another stick to beat her with.

Mine, at 52, is renovating a ruined farmhouse singlehandedly. No time for grumping thank god. They need something purposeful to do...

I don't know what age it hits, but it hit mine a while ago. He's gone away with friends for the weekend and honestly, it is utter bliss being here on my own at the moment.

@CurlewKate me and my DP rewatched OFITG recently and Victor is 60 at the start of the series, I was shocked cos I’m in my 50s and of course was young when it was first shown

I'm male, late 50s now. I went through a phase a few years ago of being irritable, tired and generally neither fun to be around nor finding much fun in life myself. Turned out it was hormonal - my testosterone was very low and my estradiol and SHBG levels were very high. It took a while to identify the problem and even longer to find a solution as the NHS was worse than useless and I ended up having to go private. I've made a number of lifestyle changes and am also on prescribed TRT. I am so much happier and healthier. Not saying that your husband's situation is necessarily the same but it's worth considering rather than just writing him off as a grumpy old man.

Don't be ridiculous - of course they don't!

It's more like it happens overnight at 40.

That really made me laugh! 🤣

It’s about 47 I reckon. I constantly tell my DH how boring he is. I then quote what he has spoken about. I say ‘Can you hear the moaning? It’s so utterly boring, so far it’s….

the dog peeing on the lawn
wasps
flies
the slight stain on the rug
the batteries going in the doorbell

All of it is so trivial and I couldn’t give a hoot about any of it. I constantly say ‘can’t say it bothers me’.

Oh god. People obsessed with planning - in a non supportive way, moaning about change - are absolute hell.

OP tell him that he's becoming unattractive company before it gets worse