Should I tell adult DCs that I have an FWB?

[ladyfringilla]

I’ve been involved in an FWB situation with a younger man since last year. I suppose you could also call it a dalliance. I am 55 and he is 32. I met him on an app. When I was active on the app, I found that I was getting a lot of interest from younger men in their 20s and 30s especially, but hardly any from men around my age. I liked the look of him and I just decided why not. I was a bit flattered that a younger man would be interested in me as I don’t think I am especially attractive. He certainly thinks I am though. I find him rather hot as well, particularly in bed. I usually see him twice a month on average. I find this works rather well. I have been having a great time with him. I feel we are both on the same page about the trajectory of the relationship. I am not looking to settle down and neither is he.

There is something about the situation I wanted to ask for your opinions about specifically. I have 2 adult DCs who are 21 and 24. As far as they know, I am single and not looking for a partner. I got divorced 8 years ago. I think they would be astounded to find out that their DM has been having a casual relationship at all, especially with a much younger man. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with that, I think they would just be very surprised. My DCs don’t live at home with me but still visit me regularly. When I see my FWB, it’s usually at his place. I have stayed overnight a few times with him. We have also met up in hotel rooms a couple of times. I would like to be able to invite him over to my house but obviously it would be awkward (to say the least) if he turned up when my DCs are here. They would have no idea who he is. Would you tell your adult DCs about it even if it was just a casual relationship?

Would you want to know your mother was having casual sex with a man young enough to be her son? I doubt it.

Enjoy it OP but your kids don’t need to know unless it’s an actual relationship.

Its nothing to with your kids or anyone else who your shagging.

I don't think your DC need to know the nature of your relationship but that doesn't mean he could not be at your house when they are, just introduce him as a friend. They are adults and presumably given privacy around their friendships and relationships unless they want to discuss it so why should they not allow you the same?

Why on earth would you?

Just No!

Some things are meant to be kept private. A mother's sex life for starters.

My adult DC wouldn’t want to know. What is the point of telling them?

Definitely not - it’s just a bit of fun that isn’t going anywhere. The age gap may horrify your DCs too. Don’t create problems for yourself.

Why would you tell them? It’s not a relationship that will develop into marriage, or something along those lines, it seems. There are no small children involved. You don’t live with your children. If they do pop in, they’re old enough to catch on to what is happening and they should quietly respect that their adult mother, who has been single for a lengthy period of time, is doing her thing. If only start explaining myself if it were an actual serious / committed relationship.

Why would you tell them?

A FWB is supposed to meaningless sex. Why do they need to know?

How do you expect the conversation to go?
Great mum, tell us more about how good the sex is!

Why tf would you tell them. I’m getting secondhand cringe just thinking about it.

I don’t think you need to tell them, they just don’t need to know.
Everyone is different but if when I was in my 20s mum told me she has a FWB I’d have been mortified, would much rather be kept in the dark! If it’s a new boyfriend, different, but a FWB for me does not need to be discussed between parents and adult children.

No. It’s none of their business. Just keep the relationship away from your house if you think they are likely to just pop in. But really you should be able to use your house as you see fit without fear of people randomly turning up.
If you wanted you could tell them you are seeing someone but it’s still early days and you aren’t ready for them to meet him yet so would they mind dropping you a text before coming round? They might deduce it’s about privacy for sex, but that just seems a bit less obvious than calling it FWB which will give them the right ick! Not that that should matter but if it were me I couldn’t be bothered with the judgement that might come with that!

I'm just picturing my adult children's reactions...

No. Absolutely not.

Op I’m in a similar situation, I’m 52, been seperated for more than 3 years, my other half is 30. We met online. Initially it was just dates and fun but ’accidentally’ over time we went beyond that and actually mean a lot to each other. We've been together over a year now. I have 3 children who are in their teens and twenties and tbh they are not interested/ don’t want to know about my love life. We’ve talked about meeting each others families etc but until it becomes a major thing then we have agreed there is not need just yet. If a family occasion comes up such as a wedding or christening etc we would want to be there for each other so we will cross that bridge when we come to it. So in your situation as FWB then I would just keep it to yourselves for now, make sure you know when the kids are coming over so he is not there and it it becomes something more then broach the subject when and if it needs to be.

Why would you?

My mum used to tell me (as an adult) about her sex life but she's a twat and I strongly dislike her.

That's definitely a no from me

Absolutely not!

No!

Since you're having doubts about telling them, then no, don't. If it was a casual friend you met for coffee occasionally, would you tell them about that? Obviously this is more significant to you but it doesn't impact on their lives anymore than a casual friend would, so why would they need to know? They might be very disturbed or upset by it. If it ever becomes something serious, you can tell them then.

God no! I’m in my 40s and I wouldn’t want to know if my mum had a fwb. I would very much like to know if she was in a relationship though.

Not to sound callous but is there a significant difference in financial security between the two of you?

As others have said-make sure you’re keeping yourself safe, both from an sti and financial pov.

I think at @ladyfringilla you have feelings for him which is understandable and you are looking forward an imagining situations where you are more than just friends.
You should end it but hear me out.
Either tell him how you feel and then if he feels the same you proceed into a relationship or he doesn’t and he ends it. It might be a gamble worth taking as other option is end it and look for a proper relationship that can fulfil you emotionally as well as sexually as these two things for me come hand in hand. As per my earlier post. I had a fwb but one day during sex he told me he loved me. I ended it shortly after as the situation was complicated for both of us.

No I would not tell and you don’t need to feel bad about not telling either.
nobody wants to hear their mother has a FB lol.

also as you say there’s no plan for a future relationship anyway so they don’t need to know anything.

Noooooooooooooooooo

No.

There is no way your children would want to know this - I’m 40 and would never want to know anything like this about my mother.