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Original poster

Should I tell adult DCs that I have an FWB?

125 replies

ladyfringilla · 23/08/2024 00:55

I’ve been involved in an FWB situation with a younger man since last year. I suppose you could also call it a dalliance. I am 55 and he is 32. I met him on an app. When I was active on the app, I found that I was getting a lot of interest from younger men in their 20s and 30s especially, but hardly any from men around my age. I liked the look of him and I just decided why not. I was a bit flattered that a younger man would be interested in me as I don’t think I am especially attractive. He certainly thinks I am though. I find him rather hot as well, particularly in bed. I usually see him twice a month on average. I find this works rather well. I have been having a great time with him. I feel we are both on the same page about the trajectory of the relationship. I am not looking to settle down and neither is he.

There is something about the situation I wanted to ask for your opinions about specifically. I have 2 adult DCs who are 21 and 24. As far as they know, I am single and not looking for a partner. I got divorced 8 years ago. I think they would be astounded to find out that their DM has been having a casual relationship at all, especially with a much younger man. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with that, I think they would just be very surprised. My DCs don’t live at home with me but still visit me regularly. When I see my FWB, it’s usually at his place. I have stayed overnight a few times with him. We have also met up in hotel rooms a couple of times. I would like to be able to invite him over to my house but obviously it would be awkward (to say the least) if he turned up when my DCs are here. They would have no idea who he is. Would you tell your adult DCs about it even if it was just a casual relationship?

OP posts:
GentlemanJay · 23/08/2024 07:36

MeAgainAndAgain · 23/08/2024 02:20

You’re essentially telling them you have a man you meet for sex. That’s fabulous, I’ll be honest and admit I’m very envious! Long may it last. I hope his youthful energy translate to a great bed experience.

However, I don’t think there are too many children who want to have these thoughts about their mother. I have not told my children about my FWB. If you must because they bump into him, why not just say you’ve just started seeing each other or something?

This.

aCatCalledFawkes · 23/08/2024 07:40

God no.
From what I have read it sounds like you want to tell them to surprise them and show them there is a different side of you!
If he was your boyfriend of course but FWB is casual sex, and in my experience it doesn't last forever.

AgnesX · 23/08/2024 07:40

If it's fwb it's all about sex, it's a casual relationship so why would you?

Apart from that, these are your children, adult or otherwise, its got nothing to do them.

TorroFerney · 23/08/2024 07:47

GreyCarpet · 23/08/2024 06:01

You are single. There is nothing to tell them and I can pretty much guarantee that, as someone whose mother had very poor boundaries around everything, your kids, no matter how old they are, have absolutely no interest in knowing anything about your sex life.

I'm in a relationship now but I had a couple of fwbs a few years ago so no judgement about that fact but, seriously, your kids aren't interested in your sexploits and I'm amazed you'd even think it was necessary. They don't care to hear whether your sexual needs are being met any more than you want to know about theirs.

This - what need is it fulfilling for you to tell them? Are you subconciously telling them don't worry mum is ok and enjoying life - have they commented that you need a boyfriend or do they think you are old and boring and you want to tell them no I have still got it.

Disclaimer, like this poster my mother had no boundaries and thought nothing of telling me very intimate things I did not need or want to know. My mum was having an affair in her late 60's with a bloke early 50's, I did not need to know.

Snoken · 23/08/2024 07:50

No, keep your children out of your sex life. I get that they are adults but there is no reason why they should be forced to think of their mother with her younger fuck buddy. I have grown kids too and I tell them if I am dating someone, but I wouldn't tell them that I am meeting up with someone for sex.

Eldrick47s · 23/08/2024 07:51

As others have said, letting a friend know would be enough (for safety reasons to know where you are...so his home address and the hotel), but that's it.

You meeting a younger man for sex is your business (good for you btw!); something more serious where a man could be part of your life outside the bedroom, ie. a boyfriend, that is more when you would tell people.

homeiswhereyouparkit · 23/08/2024 08:12

Another vote for thinking your getting too invested in this. You mention the word Relationship and talk about it as though this is what you actually want.

Is that the real reason why you want to tell your kids ?

DeliciousApples · 23/08/2024 08:15

I wouldn't tell them either.

It's not a relationship. It's just a shag twice a month.

It will end. Because that's what you signed up for.

So if you're starting to get too cosy and thinking about going out for dinner and things you might want to rein those thoughts in...

aCatCalledFawkes · 23/08/2024 08:17

Also if you were still with there father would you need to tell them you were having sex? Probably not, telling them about casual sex feels like a complete overshare.
Would they would tell you if they had a FWB.

Fiery30 · 23/08/2024 08:17

Enjoy yourself without any pressure. Telling your kids would depend on what kind of relationship you have with them and if they are likely to be non-judgemental. Many adult 'kids' tend to have one set of rules for their friends/peers but different ones for their parent, in similar situations. If you feel you are unlikely to get a positive response, then there's no point in sharing.

longdistanceclaraclara · 23/08/2024 08:19

Absolutely not. Why would you?

Soretoothfairy · 23/08/2024 08:19

Op. Look. It’s not a relationship. It’s sex. He isn’t your boyfriend or partner. He isn’t going to randomly turn up when your kids are there.

your children will know it’s just sex. They will feel sorry for you if they sniff you think it’s a relationship, they are old enough to understand what this is. The concern is you do not. He doesn’t want to meet your kids. He won’t be turning up unannounced looking for sex. Or he shouldn’t be. It seems he prefers it you go to his to have sex with him or a hotel.

try to accept it for what it is. And not force it to something else, or pretend it is. As you’re going to get very hurt indeed. And humiliated.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 23/08/2024 08:19

No.

BustingBaoBun · 23/08/2024 08:20

Why in god's name would you tell them? No. No. No.

Unless you are trying to impress your kids at how cooooool you are. It's nothing to do with them. They may well be horrified. It isn't a relationship. It's a shag.

Shiningout · 23/08/2024 08:20

If he's just a fwb he's not going to turn up when you've got your kids there so why do you need to tell them?

Edingril · 23/08/2024 08:21

If it was reversed you would be called a dirty old man, no idont think there is a reason they need to kmow

Thiswayforward · 23/08/2024 08:35

Maybe I’d tell them I’m dating in your situation. But spell it out. Nothing serious etc. Someone at the moment but it’s not a long term thing. I think they can understand you have a life to. One day it may change and you may meet someone. If you tell them they can give you notice and visa versa about popping in. Then he can come to your home too.

Kelly51 · 23/08/2024 08:39

You see him infrequently, you're capable of arranging when your D.C. aren't visiting. Sounds as if you want someone to know to boost your ego, your DC really don't and won't want to know.

hotpotlover · 23/08/2024 08:50

Please don't tell your children.

I'm in full support of you, but I would be mortified as a child 🙈

smallsilvercloud · 23/08/2024 08:57

That's embarrassing don't do it

Trebol · 23/08/2024 09:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request

harriethoyle · 23/08/2024 09:34

Why would you tell them when there doesn't appear to be an intention for this to be a settled relationship?

Pennyplant19 · 23/08/2024 10:09

Absolutely not.

Gorgonemilezola · 23/08/2024 10:12

Good lord no - you're fwb, not entering into a long term relationship. They'll probably never meet him. Have your fun, no need to tell them. In fact how would you feel if one of your DCs told you they were in a fwb with someone 20 years older? Probably a bit 🤢 perhaps?

Sheeplesss · 23/08/2024 10:18

Lord know.
This is absolutely not something you share with them.
It is perfectly reasonable to ask your children to text you from now on before they call.
You are not wrong to ask for this.
Get a video bell.
You have your own life and are entitled to privacy.
No explanations offered or required IMO.
But do not tell them about this purely sexual relationship.
Your children do not need that visualisation of either parent!