Should I tell adult DCs that I have an FWB?

[ladyfringilla]

I’ve been involved in an FWB situation with a younger man since last year. I suppose you could also call it a dalliance. I am 55 and he is 32. I met him on an app. When I was active on the app, I found that I was getting a lot of interest from younger men in their 20s and 30s especially, but hardly any from men around my age. I liked the look of him and I just decided why not. I was a bit flattered that a younger man would be interested in me as I don’t think I am especially attractive. He certainly thinks I am though. I find him rather hot as well, particularly in bed. I usually see him twice a month on average. I find this works rather well. I have been having a great time with him. I feel we are both on the same page about the trajectory of the relationship. I am not looking to settle down and neither is he.

There is something about the situation I wanted to ask for your opinions about specifically. I have 2 adult DCs who are 21 and 24. As far as they know, I am single and not looking for a partner. I got divorced 8 years ago. I think they would be astounded to find out that their DM has been having a casual relationship at all, especially with a much younger man. It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with that, I think they would just be very surprised. My DCs don’t live at home with me but still visit me regularly. When I see my FWB, it’s usually at his place. I have stayed overnight a few times with him. We have also met up in hotel rooms a couple of times. I would like to be able to invite him over to my house but obviously it would be awkward (to say the least) if he turned up when my DCs are here. They would have no idea who he is. Would you tell your adult DCs about it even if it was just a casual relationship?

Yes and also no judgement, I had a friends with benefits a long time ago but it’s nothing I’d consider sharing with my dc. I’m in a long term relationship now and my older dc gets uncomfortable that I am having sex even though I don’t ever say anything or have dp stay over when she’s home. She just finds the whole concept a bit too much so I respect that where as my younger dc is not bothered and he will stay over if it’s just the younger one at home as they face different comfort zones which I need to respect.

Jesus Christ, NO!

I don’t think they need to know - would you have him visit whilst they’re there?

do you feel like you’re lying by omission or something?

No reason whatsoever that your children need to know about your casual sex life. Just don't invite him over when they're there, no issues.

But she's saying that she would like him to come to her house, but at any time the kids might drop by and if they dont know about him it'll be weird. I think that's the issue, the children need to transition into letting you know when they are likely to come so you can plan your life. It's no fun never being able to assume privacy in your home.

Why would he be there when your kids are around? Surely you two agree together in advance when to meet.

I don't think you should more so that they might be grossed out by the age gap. They would clearly know what type of arrangement this is and I don't think they need to know that.

No of course not, don’t be ridiculous. Keep telling folks on line if you need to but leave your kids out of your sex life and grow up.

Sounds like you're getting invested in this relationship and perhaps seeing it as more than FWB.

Take a step back and think about it.

Don't tell your kids unless you want him to be part of their lives.

But thats not what she said. she said she wants to invite him, but worries if he'll turn up whilst kids are there.

Why would he just pop over any time he fancies without notice? Id this is just FWb, they should just be texting or phoning and saying "tonight? Yep. see you at X place at 8pm" or whatever.

No child (however old) needs to know about her parent's sex life. Please don't say a word. Ick.

Oh flip absolutely not. They should know about significant people in your life for sure, but not someone you're just meeting for sex. Hopefully though you're telling someone where you are for safety reasons 🙈

OP, you are entitled to a private life. I’m sure your kids did a lot they didn’t tell you when they were younger. It’s your turn now. Enjoy your friend and your own space. I’m pleased that he has shown you that you really are attractive. ❤️

that would be unnecessary over sharing

i agree you should tell a trusted friend otoh you have meeting for a year so there is less concern

No way! I have a 24 year old (but admittedly I am married) but I am literally cringing at the thought of telling my 24 year old that I had a FWB. Honestly, there is no reason to tell them. Keep the arrangement away from your home.

I really don’t think it’s the post menopause / no baby risk factor that draws young men to older women. I’m 34 and currently being pursued by a 21 year-old.

It’s just physical attraction, no need to rain on OP’s parade. :)

Why would you want to tell your children about your sex life? Surely, he doesn’t just drop over whenever, so it wouldn’t be a case of him just turning up on your doorstep if your kids were visiting?

Do not tell your children, they really won't want to know.

Make sure they are not going to come over when your friend visits you at home. However, from what you say, you are both happy meeting at his or getting together in a hotel.

Good for you.

I wouldn't, they don't need (or frankly, want) to know unless it's a serious relationship.

I wouldn't tell them
You are entitled to a private life.
My adult children don't tell me about their relationships until they are serious about them.

It’s a no from me.

This exactly! Fwb should have rules like not staying over night as this creates emotional intimacy:

Fuck no, why on earth would you tell your kids 🫣 I would not want to know this about my mum!

I really confused about why you want to tell your kids?