We've had a blow up today and I'm exhausted by how much of my time is taken making sure he has done what he said he's going to do.
When we moved into our house the sellers agreed to do some building work on the home before we exchanged. This was written in the contract and our solicitor was very clear that we should not exchange until the work was done. DH sets off one day to go and confirm that it's been done without me as I had a driving lesson. He comes back and says it's all good and to exchange. I arrive on the day of completion to find out nothing has been done and I asked DH why he said that it had and he told me that he wasn't sure what he was going there for. Even if this was true he didn't call or text me on the day or reread the emails to our solicitor and essentially drove 30 miles to have a chat with a man he didn't know then drove back.
He will regularly dump clean and freshly washed clothing back into a laundry basket that he can't be bothered to hang up or put away. I caught him this week as they were our son's school PE socks that I pair a specific way as DS finds it funny. When I asked him why he did that he just said he didn't know they were clean, but he had taken them from the wardrobe he had dumped them in.
We had a new bathroom installed after a flood and as it cost so much and we didn't trust that he would keep it clean (it's the nicest room in our horrible house) he suggested switching to me cleaning the bathroom and him the kitchen. We only have set rooms for cleaning as he doesn't do any cleaning and I was doing it all. I reiterated that kitchens get messy quickly and reminded him that the oven and and fridge are in the kitchen and will need cleaning. He said that it would be fine. Of course it's been three years and he's mopped the kitchen floor once and has never touched the oven. I do it all.
Last year he volunteered to host Christmas without telling me until early December. We have a December born son and I had taken a week off from work to potty train our youngest DS. By the time he let me know the slots for food were all gone and we ended up spending an unbelievable amount of money. We are the poor relations, we have the youngest children within his family and the smallest house. They were leaving literal grade listed mansions to come and sit in our shithole. There wasn't enough space around the dining table for everyone and then he ruined the Christmas meal (I can't tell this story as I will out myself) so I ended up with no meat so the guests could have some. His family are used to his behaviour and laughed it off but I've truly never been so embarrassed.
He also promised to do our DS's reading with him. I had done his school reading and homework for the first three years and needed a break as my youngest is breastfeeding and wakes hourly. He agreed. I went to parents evening last year and got absolutely torn apart by my son's teacher as his reading record was completely blank for the term and it was clear that DS hadn't been practicing at home. When I asked DH why he had lied to me he said 'Oh yeah, that's terrible'.
He cannot apologise properly, if I get upset at his inability to apologise or follow through then I'm the bad person for getting angry. He does not believe that anyone has a right to anger ever. If I have to ask him to do something 16 times that every single time should be as polite as the first time.
He also gets very strange about odd things. So, he does the food shop as he doesn't like me doing it (he would go into my online shop and change things). But he would regularly forget 10 to 15 items, so I made a master list of everything we every bought based on our cupboards and previous online shops. I gave him the list. He refused to use it, said he didn't like it. Went on and on about how terrible it was and how it wasn't fit for purpose.
I'm really struggling with being attracted to him. I can't keep thinking for another adult. Am I overreacting? He's a fantastic dad, works hard at his career and our children adore him and he's loving and caring with them. But I am tired.