Negging or just a low opinion of me?

[amoreoamicizia]

I've been talking to someone who is basically a loose acquaintance who is looking for sex etc. rather than a potential relationship.

Anyway, I think he started out quite complimentary towards me ("You're gorgeous", "you look beautiful"- I don't but this is what was said), and somehow became very harsh towards me in the space of a few meetings. The most recent things he has said are that I'm weird and that a very good looking guy I met online who liked me was probably a catfish. I'm sure there's more but that's what comes to mind right now.

The thing is, I'm not so sure this could be characterised as negging because he "sees" a lot of women and doesn't appear to need to adopt a strategy as such.

How do you differentiate between someone negging you and them simply having a low opinion of you?

Do you fancy him? Who is he to you

I'd say it's irrelevant since I wouldn't be in the company of a male who had a low opinion of me, or who chose to neg. Only date exceptionally high quality blokes.

A vague or distant acquaintance. We have mutual acquaintances so I must tread carefully.

I wouldn't expend any energy trying to work out what was motivating his unflattering comments, as he would be binned either way.

Why? He doesn't appear to give a fuck about "treading carefully"

I did like him but it wasn't reciprocated and also he's made me feel really sad.

From what I know, negging is used by pick up artists to put you on the back foot and make you want them to like you.

This bloke just sounds like a bit of a tool. I'd just distance myself from him and move on.

If you need to tread carefully then dial back contact and step away... if you put up with being talked to in such a way, then the mutual acquaintances might become aware that you let yourself be treated this way.

Theres better people in the world than him by the sound of it!

As far as I've known him he is a lovely person but somehow it's become clear he has a low opinion of me, though he would still want me to do stuff if he feels bored?

Just because he has loads of women doesn’t mean he’s not negging. Some men don’t know how to relate to women as fully independent autonomous human beings. Theres a chance he gets off on insulting women.

Either he’s doing it on purpose to upset and unsettle you, (and manipulate you into bed) in which case he can eff off.

Or he does have a low opinion about you, in which case he can eff off.

Either way he’s not worth your time or your sadness.

Bit of an unfortunate situation really 😔

Why are you allowing this person into your life?!

I don't understand what's going on here. He's a twat and is nasty to you, why are you having anything to do with him, what do you want from him? I don't understand.

Why are you allowing this person into your life?!
Good question 😅

Lots of people appear to be lovely until you get to know them. You've discovered he's not particularly nice so just move on. This is his problem not yours.

He wants no strings sex but if he doesn't get it after three compliments and one meeting starts implying you're weird or not attractive to men?!
Yeah. He sounds an absolute dream.
Just ignore him fully?

Next! The world is not running out of men.

He is nice; I wouldn't care at all if he weren't, would I? It's just these negative comments.

He's just a cunt. It doesn't matter whether he was strategically being one or it's just his personality now you know him better. Run.

Don’t listen to any further comments. It’s not going to make you happier. In a year’s time you’ll have forgotten he existed.

He is nice; I wouldn't care at all if he weren't, would I? It's just these negative comments.
Doesn't sound it, by a long chalk.

Cognitive dissonance.

It's both. You're a convenient hole for him and in his mind, needs to be reminded of that to keep you in your place on your back. Part of this will be that he's so desirable in his own mind that he thinks every woman wants him.

He 'sees a lot of women' because he's picking the ones that fall for the first bit and then that reinforces his imagined superiority - the ones that think 'fuck this' and drop him are explained away in his head that they weren't good enough or he's already onto his next victims. And he's cheered up by the hurt he knows he's causing all of them.

You need to eliminate him from your life immediately. He's only a vague acquaintance, you don't need to 'tread carefully' in the slightest - in the unlikely event that anybody asks about him, all you need say is 'not my cup of tea, really - oh, yeah, he comes across as very nice on the surface, but - anyway, how's Fred these days?' or 'I'm not into that pick up artist and negging nonsense, might work on some people but not me. How's Fred these days?'

Thanks for the advice so far.

I guess I asked the question because I have some suspicions that something more is going on, like negging or other tactics. E.g. he listed to me all the women he's chatting with and told me things about them which made me feel uncomfortable. I've just got a feeling more is going on, but I don't know what. Maybe a fetish is involved as someone said 🤔

He sounds like an absolute arsehole and even if he wasn't, why would you want to settle for being one of many women that this dickhead shags? Other men exist.