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Original poster

Negging or just a low opinion of me?

58 replies

amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:11

I've been talking to someone who is basically a loose acquaintance who is looking for sex etc. rather than a potential relationship.

Anyway, I think he started out quite complimentary towards me ("You're gorgeous", "you look beautiful"- I don't but this is what was said), and somehow became very harsh towards me in the space of a few meetings. The most recent things he has said are that I'm weird and that a very good looking guy I met online who liked me was probably a catfish. I'm sure there's more but that's what comes to mind right now.

The thing is, I'm not so sure this could be characterised as negging because he "sees" a lot of women and doesn't appear to need to adopt a strategy as such.

How do you differentiate between someone negging you and them simply having a low opinion of you?

OP posts:
Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:39

[That was a cross post]

I think maybe I wouldn't feel quite so bad if I thought it were negging. It doesn't seem as bad as if it's just that someone's decided I'm almost worthless in his eyes.

OP posts:
Webbymeister · 20/08/2024 12:42

FetchezLaVache · 20/08/2024 12:14

I wouldn't expend any energy trying to work out what was motivating his unflattering comments, as he would be binned either way.

This. If you don’t like him and he makes you feel sad then why are you giving him a second thought?

MonsteraMama · 20/08/2024 12:42

You know he'd be absolutely delighted if he knew you were tying yourself in knots to work out what his angle is don't you?

He doesn't have an angle, there's nothing going on, it's not that deep. He's just a cunt love, and all you're doing is fuelling his ego. Block him and forget him. He's not nice.

Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:43

I don't know why except that it's upset me and I want to understand what his motivations were and why he thought it was OK to treat me with borderline contempt?

OP posts:
Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:44

I have blocked him but unfortunately I have to check my blocked messages for work 😕 I think I'm going to have to change my number which is a huge pain!

OP posts:
Motnight · 20/08/2024 12:45

amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:13

A vague or distant acquaintance. We have mutual acquaintances so I must tread carefully.

No you don't.

BCBird · 20/08/2024 12:47

I would not be trying to put a label on his behaviour, nor would I concern myself about his opinion of me either. He is not a positive influence in ur life. Get rid

MonsteraMama · 20/08/2024 12:47

Why does it matter what his motivations are? He views you with contempt. That's all you really need to know. It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning, he literally just views you as a convenient masturbation aid who has low enough self esteem he can be a dick and you'll stick around. You're proving him right by giving this headspace!

Meadowwild · 20/08/2024 12:48

Focus on yourself not him.

Imagine an ideal version of yourself in which you feel gorgeous and self confident. Would that version of you tolerate some boring bloke arsing on about other women? She would not. Would she walk away and never let him bore her again in person or in text? She would. Would she ever deign to sleep with or engage emotionally or physically such a sloppy man, who sees her uniqueness as weird, who thinks she gives a toss about the other women he chats to, who thinks he can keep her in her place by negging her, who leads her on and then says no thanks? Ew! She would not.

You are that woman. Distance yourself quickly and make space for a man who shows you respect, desire and love if those are what you want.

Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:49

MonsteraMama · 20/08/2024 12:47

Why does it matter what his motivations are? He views you with contempt. That's all you really need to know. It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning, he literally just views you as a convenient masturbation aid who has low enough self esteem he can be a dick and you'll stick around. You're proving him right by giving this headspace!

Yeah, you are right ☹️

OP posts:
ToriMJ · 20/08/2024 12:51

Keep far away from him. Whatever the reason, he's a prick. Don't look desperate.

ByCupidStunt · 20/08/2024 12:51

It sounds as though he doesn't like you very much.

Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:52

Thanks everyone. I could have done without this situation at this point in time, really 😑

I think I do have to change my number and be sure I won't cave in and respond again. He may never message again, but I have to be sure.

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 20/08/2024 12:54

Why do you have to change your number? If you can’t block just ignore or set up some tool to put his messages straight in the bin. He sounds like a proper bell end.

Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:55

I have blocked but I have to check my blocked messages for work, so I see them. I could have ignored, that was my fault. I've known him for years but only to say "hi", he seemed so nice so the way he's been towards me came as a surprise.

OP posts:
Catapultaway · 20/08/2024 12:59

Why do you block messages if you have to check them, what work forces you to do this?

Original poster
amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:59

Something more is going on, though! It's got to be some kind of involvement in the online seduction community or maybe worse...I've just got a feeling something is up. No idea what, though.

OP posts:
altmember · 20/08/2024 12:59

It probably is negging. IMO the catfish comment is a suggestion he's interested because he's trying to steer you away from other potential partners. And calling you weird is a hook to try and get you to prove to him that you aren't.

But you already know he's a player, so if you're looking for anything more than a ONS or to be one of his fuck buddies in rotation then look elsewhere. If you just want a casual shag off him then keep communicating. Just don't expect him to be different with you (i.e. committed/exclusive) than he is with other women.

Webbymeister · 20/08/2024 13:09

amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:43

I don't know why except that it's upset me and I want to understand what his motivations were and why he thought it was OK to treat me with borderline contempt?

Edited

Because he’s a cunt?

DatingDinosaur · 21/08/2024 06:51

"How do you differentiate between someone negging you and them simply having a low opinion of you?"

By the way their comments make you feel.

There is no difference btw. Any comment that makes you feel rubbish about yourself rather than pissed off in a 'who are they to pass judgement' kind of way is some form of negging and not someone you should want to spend much time around, especially if they say they were "only joking" or you should "stop being so sensitive" if you call them out on it.

GreyCarpet · 21/08/2024 09:51

amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:39

[That was a cross post]

I think maybe I wouldn't feel quite so bad if I thought it were negging. It doesn't seem as bad as if it's just that someone's decided I'm almost worthless in his eyes.

It doesn't matter.

He doesn't value you either way.

If it would make things awkward socially, you don't need to fall out with him over it but you don't need to have sex with him either.

GreyCarpet · 21/08/2024 09:54

amoreoamicizia · 20/08/2024 12:59

Something more is going on, though! It's got to be some kind of involvement in the online seduction community or maybe worse...I've just got a feeling something is up. No idea what, though.

Tbh, if you're of the mindset that something is up and you need to know what it is, you're about to fall down a great big rabbit hole and nothing anyone says here will make any difference to you.

Rinkko · 21/08/2024 10:07

I'm really sorry, but it sounds as though you have undeservedly low esteem if you are even considering this man.

He is not "lovely" if he goes round insulting people and hurting their feelings. It doesn't matter whether he's trying to be a PUA or whether he's just a rude, mean tosser. There is no motivation here that is compatible with him being "lovely."

You are clearly a thoughtful person with a lot of affection to give, who wouldn't dream of saying nasty things like that to people. You deserve a lot better than this "man".

muggart · 21/08/2024 10:19

Sounds like you want it to be negging so you can continue to think he likes you. If it is negging, he doesn't care for you or respect you. As someone else mentioned, you're a masturbation aid to him nothing more.

I wonder if he didn't like hearing about the hot guy you met online so wanted to put you in your place because he doesn't like the thought of it boosting your confidence, so shot you down.

Either way, he's not a good guy. Remember: everyone is nice some of the time, even really shitty people, so don't let the nice moments fool you. They don't compensate for the insults.

HazelPlayer · 21/08/2024 10:25

Why do you care so much about his opinion of you?

Do you have a high opinion of him, now you've got to know him a little bit?

Honestly?

If your little sister or mate was involved with him and she told you everything he's said/done to date; what would your opinion of him be?

It doesn't sound like he's a good enough or nice enough or well adjusted enough person for his opinions of other people to be worth anything (??!!)