Together for just over 20 years, married for 15, two DC's the youngest has just turned 18. My husband has never been the easiest man but when you love someone wholeheartedly you make it work.
Its been a tough couple of years as he has lost both parents and he had some health issues which on the whole have resolved. He has been suffering from depression for a number of years and taking medication. Earlier in the year he was particularly vile - the way he was speaking to me and treating me was disgusting until I finally snapped and the kids also told him he was out of order. All seemed fine.
Then I find out he is talking to a woman who is professing her love for him - I confront him and it turns out she was a crypto scammer - fortunately he hadnt got in too deep.
He buys himself a very expensive luxury car having recieved his inheritance and is smoking cigars - previously never smoked and its a lot of cigars. We agreed to draw a line under the woman and work on our relationship. I put it down to him having some kind of mid life crisis and he has also been diagnosed and treated for low testosterone.
Fast forward a few months and he doesnt see a future for us he feels stuck in a rut because he goes to work and comes home - I did ask him what he would do differently if he moves out and didnt get a response.
I know he is messaging another woman again I dont think he meets up in person spends most of his time in the pub or goes out for walks - yes he could be meeting someone on his walk but the kids seem to think it is all virtual.
This is destroying me - I thought we would get old together he is almost 60 and I am early 50's. I have seen a solicitor who has told me that I am entitled to half the assets which would see me allocated half of his inheritance and half of his very healthy final salary pension - I dont think he has a clue that I can touch these. He has already said the house is mine and he wont see me short. In the meantime he is spending money on home improvements and furniture but has told me he wants time out in October - not sure what he is planning to do whether he thinks he is going away with someone else.
My kids can see how unhappy the situation is making me and will support me whatever. Its my birthday next week and we are supposed to be having a couple of nights away after so I have time off.
I am currently planning to give him divorce forms and say that it is my birthday present to myself to give myself back my self respect. I also plan to give him the options regarding a financial settlement so I can instruct the solicitor accordingly. Before I do that I am freezing the joint savings accounts on the solicitors advice and taking him off my credit card so I am protecting myself financially as much as possible. I feel bad as he hasnt got a clue how to do anything for himself in terms of bills etc and he told me that the other day and that it was my fault - I did later tell him he had nearly the first 40 years of his life to learn.
It will be tougher financially but I can manage and the kids have said that they are happy to pay as they both work full time. Once the financial settlement is sorted then I will have a buffer but am concious my own pension is poor and as I have been paying the bills primarily, so want to make sure I can manage in old age.
I guess I am looking for someone to hold my hand and tell me that I can do this I just feel so broken and conflicted. Even though he is a complete twat at the moment I get glimpses of the man I fell in love with and I feel such a failure.
If I was reading this on here I would be saying go and enjoy a happier future but when it is happening to you the reality is very different.