New boyfriend gone awol- what should I do?!

[WhatIsLife24]

So I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4/5 months. I thought it was going really well. We live an hour apart so only see each other once a week but talk everyday even if it’s just a text in the morning and before going to bed. Both got kids so haven’t rushed to meet families etc yet but I’ve spoken to his brothers and friends etc briefly when he’s been on FaceTime to them.
I last saw him on Thursday evening and he last text me at 1pm yesterday (Saturday). But I haven’t heard from him since. I know that’s not very long but as I said we always text when going to bed and when we wake up, he never hasn’t.
My worry is that I’ve been separated for a year now from my ex husband who is completely narcissistic and abusive. He always seem to know what I’m up to and yesterday I saw him outside my friends house when I was leaving. Seems like he wanted me to see him (didn’t say anything to me, just grinned at me from his car). He has already found out my address too. So I feel he’s obviously been watching me. Am I being completely paranoid in thinking he has something to do with my boyfriend disappearing?! The alternative is that I’ve met another narcissist and he’s just ghosted me! But I don’t know how I would know? Other than his phone number I have no way of getting in contact with him unless I go to his house (he lives with his mum who I’ve never met so that seems a bit extreme, particularly if he’s just avoiding me)
so he’s not replied to any texts since 1pm yesterday. And his phone just rings out.
anyone got any advice?!

So you think your ex has bumped off your bf?

You sound highly anxious - try to take your mind off it for now, he should be in contact soon

@cupcaske123 Basically yes that’s where my mind is going! It’s just so out of character for him although I appreciate I haven’t known him that long. But my ex on the other hand I know is a complete psychopath

Unless your ex is in the mafia I think you are worrying too much. This whole following you to make sure you’ve seen him is just a knobby thing some people do … don’t sweat it.

As for the new bf, maybe he just overslept or something urgent came up. Don’t worry unless you haven’t heard from him by tomorrow. Assume you’ve messaged him already?

I think the more important issue is you ex husband stalking you. Please keep a diary and if it continues report him to the police. It may be he's seen you with the new boyfriend and had a word with him to scare him off. Protect yourself as this kind of behaviour can escalate quickly. I would speak to your local womens aid.

Not the maffia no, but I’m aware he’s done some very dodgy stuff in his past. That goes for his family members too, some of whom have been in prison for murder, pretty bad assaults etc. Which is why my mind is going a bit mad!
I know the following thing is probably just him trying to intimidate me, and threatening my friends and things. But I can’t help but be a bit anxious! So my best hope is that new bf is also not a nice guy and this is his way of breaking up with me.
yes I’ve messaged and tried to ring

Relax OP. It’s the weekend! Maybe he’s away with his kids, went out last night and is sleeping off a hangover.

How many times have you called him? Please don’t turn Into a controlling partner by wanting to know his every move.

My partner sometimes doesn’t text for 24 hours because he’s busy. I also don’t always text straight away because I am busy. 4 months is no time at all to be this invested in his movements.

The alternative is that I’ve met another narcissist and he’s just ghosted me!

Not messaging someone since 1pm the day before (so less than 24hrs ago) doesn't make someone a narcissist.

Honestly are you ready for another relationship if your first thought is that your ex has popped them off? A PP is right that surely the bigger concern is the fact he appears to be following you?!

If your ex is stalking you, then contact the National Stalking Helpline to get advice.

Do you have the contact details of any of your boyfriends friends or family? If not, then I would wait a few days then ask for a welfare check if you're really concerned.

It's more likely that he's either busy or ghosted you.

he’s not replied to any texts since 1pm yesterday. And his phone just rings out.

It's just under 24 hours, I wouldn't leap to your ex murdering him just yet.

Perhaps he's in bed with the shits, or some other illness?

Also, if he is ghosting you, that makes him a twat, not a narcissist

yes I know 4 months is not long. If it wasn’t for the ex I wouldn’t be worried. Not great to be ghosted but it is what it is.

I know he was supposed to be going out last night to a house warming party but he doesn’t really drink so said he was driving back home. Never known him to sleep past 10am ever. And I think it’s only because we message daily as well that I’m concerned.

in regards to my ex, no one seems to believe me about his behaviour. And I’ve got no proof. He was in a different car when I saw him yesterday so that’s probably why I haven’t noticed before

I agree with PP, your ex stalking you is a much bigger cause for concern. Do you see him watching you regularly? You do need to keep a record of such events in case he escalated and you need to involve the police. Make sure your house is secure and keep the doors locked.

Your new boyfriend could have lost his phone or left it somewhere. I understand that his lack of contact is unusual but try not to worry too much right now. Presumably you've asked him to contact you when he gets your message, so just wait a while and see what happens.

And I’m not calling the new boyfriend a narcissistic. My ex 100% is.
so yes the new boyfriend would just be a twat is he is ghosting me.

Start photographing your ex when you see him. Make a record which includes date, time and location. The National Stalking Helpline has advice on how to gather evidence. Please take it seriously.

https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

Maybe your new partner decided to have a drink and partied and he’s just not up yet. It’s weird if you text all day everyday but I’d chill out a bit unless you haven’t heard from him until tomorrow ? Could you message any of his friends if you felt comfortable doing that ?

The ex is more sinister, you need to report the stalking. What do you mean he always seems to know what you're up to, has he put a tracker on your car or camera in the house, I'd call the police if he's stalking.

I’d be worried if this was out of character - how long you’ve been together is irrelevant. I’d be tempted to drive past his house to see if his car is there. My immediate thought would be he’s had an accident driving back from the party but that’s because of my own past experience

Separate the 2 issues.
One is completely normal. Not replying for a brief period of time is within the range of acceptable behaviour, even for a newish couple. Obviously if you are used to being in contact every day then yes, you would presume to hear from him within 2/3 days, but there are numerable legitimate reasons as to why this may be.

The second issue with your ex is the one you need to keep an eye on.

I know he was supposed to be going out last night to a house warming party but he doesn’t really drink so said he was driving back home. Never known him to sleep past 10am ever.

He probably changed his mind, got pissed and is sleeping it off.

As you knew he was going to a party, I think you are panicking about this prematurely. He probably just stayed longer than planned, maybe had a few drinks after all, and is sleeping off the late night.

You are in great danger from your ex.

You must report the stalking to the police at once.

It’s not late he might have had a rough night and laying in , have the shits or Covid etc - just leave it and see if he replies

But yes report the ex for his stalking

Can you go and knock on new BF's door to check he's OK?

But most importantly, report ex H to the police. He sounds dangerous.

Hi @WhatIsLife24 Is he a football fan? The season started this weekend. Is it likely hes watched the football, got a bit excited and carried away with football fever, got really drunk - lost his phone or his phoned died?