New boyfriend gone awol- what should I do?!

[WhatIsLife24]

So I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4/5 months. I thought it was going really well. We live an hour apart so only see each other once a week but talk everyday even if it’s just a text in the morning and before going to bed. Both got kids so haven’t rushed to meet families etc yet but I’ve spoken to his brothers and friends etc briefly when he’s been on FaceTime to them.
I last saw him on Thursday evening and he last text me at 1pm yesterday (Saturday). But I haven’t heard from him since. I know that’s not very long but as I said we always text when going to bed and when we wake up, he never hasn’t.
My worry is that I’ve been separated for a year now from my ex husband who is completely narcissistic and abusive. He always seem to know what I’m up to and yesterday I saw him outside my friends house when I was leaving. Seems like he wanted me to see him (didn’t say anything to me, just grinned at me from his car). He has already found out my address too. So I feel he’s obviously been watching me. Am I being completely paranoid in thinking he has something to do with my boyfriend disappearing?! The alternative is that I’ve met another narcissist and he’s just ghosted me! But I don’t know how I would know? Other than his phone number I have no way of getting in contact with him unless I go to his house (he lives with his mum who I’ve never met so that seems a bit extreme, particularly if he’s just avoiding me)
so he’s not replied to any texts since 1pm yesterday. And his phone just rings out.
anyone got any advice?!

I wouldn't do anything about the new bf, OP. It sounds like he's ghosted you. Will probably be in touch soon with some lame excuse.

I'd report your ex to the police, though. He sounds very scary.

I don't think you can class this as ghosting just yet. You knew he was going to a party last night, he probably changed his mind got pissed and is now sleeping it off.

Honestly I think you are massively over reacting.

I reported my ex months ago to the police and they just made me feel worse tbh. I don’t think they took me seriously. My parents have also reported him as he turned up at their house also. I feel like it’s pointless because I can’t prove anything. I haven’t got a photo of it or anything so it’s just my word against his. Although now I know his new car I can watch out for it.
Hes made comments during handover with the kids at contact about knowing about my bf. And he’s said my address to me (which was confidential) which I reported. But he just said no he didn’t! And again I can’t prove it. So as I said I’ve never seen him before yesterday but my guess is he has been watching me. I doubt he just decided to start yesterday a year after I left him

Your bf has left his phone at the house he was at last night, he's had a couple of drinks and is waiting until he is legal to drive or pick up his car and phone. Try not to worry.

But thank you everyone. Your responses have calmed me down a bit. I know I’m probably just highly anxious as a PP said. There’s just a lot going on

Put your phone on record in your pocket any time you have an interaction with your ex and take pics every time you see him following you. Go to the police and make them take you seriously. Bastards!!

Re the ex. Start recording during all handovers for the dc, so if he says something, you have recorded proof of it. If you see him outside yours, your parents, your friends, take a pic and note date and time. Note down everything.

I agree with this. Don't minimise his actions.

You must keep reporting your ex, can you record the conversations you have when you have handovers. Is your house address officially confidential because of him.

Can you take someone with you for handovers. Have you got security camera at your house.

I disagree with people dismissing your fears. I would trust your instincts around your ex, that is not normal behaviour and the fact your mind has gone to him murdering your boyfriend is indicative of how frightened you must be feeling.

Please don’t accept this behaviour, you’ve got to keep going back to the police. Don’t let them minimise it: the stalking helpline will help you with this. If you have children together then this is an added complication, it might be worth getting some advice on whether your children are safe having contact with him. If there is an abuse element then you may well get this advice for free. Speak to a lawyer who does legal aid work.

I also think you know your current boyfriend best; if it’s out of character not to have been in touch then I understand your worries. If he’s sick / been in an accident you’ll know soon enough…Would anyone know to contact you if that was the case ?

Contact takes place at his mums house, I haven’t always got someone to come with me. My oldest child is often with me as well so I usually park away from the house and walk. But yes I normally have record on my phone but the times I haven’t is when he’s said stuff which is frustrating! (Those times I’ve given my phone to my son to keep him occupied in the car)
I know I should still report him. It’s just been a year of trying to get people to listen but nothing happens and I don’t imagine it will unless he physically does something. It’s draining.
I moved house because of him. He asked the court for my address but they haven’t disclosed it. I do need to get cameras.

Does your bf know all about your ex or is he oblivious to it?

He hasn’t gone ‘awol’ he didn’t text you since yesterday….

It’s been 24 hours which, if out of character/differs from usual pattern of expected contact, isn’t unreasonable to start to be worried.

I don’t think OP should be dismissed, she’s also likely to feel massively on edge of her current ex is stalking her and last relationship was with someone abusive. Must be hard to trust your instincts and not worry with that experience.

I'm sure he'll be in touch soon 🔜

Sorry you're having so much hassle with your ex 😟 as others have said, keep a record and report him if he keeps turning up. I wouldn't worry about your boyfriend though, it's your anxiety making you jumpy. I'd be willing to bet he's had a late night and slept in, is hungover or has left his phone somewhere! Just try and relax, I'm sure he'll message you soon 💐

Is phone the only way your bf has of contacting you? If he lost his phone or left it somewhere, would he know how to get in touch with you other than by showing up at your house? My assumption would be that his phone was lost, stolen or misplaced, which means he doesn’t have an obvious way to reach you until he gets a replacement.

I think the most important thing to do here is to "sort out" your ex! Get help (ppl here have mentioned phone lines or groups) and get him off your back. That way you'll not have to worry about his "involvement" in any new relationship you have. Once you've "dealt with" him you can "sort out" your new guy.

Get a ring door bell for your ex and get some cameras discreetly positioned from windows.
Get your parents to do the same.
Gather evidence. Keep a diary of everytime you see him of dates and times.

Get a bloody personal camera that you can wear on person if you must to capture when you're out and about and don't have evidence. You can get these at any gadget shop. Gather evidence and talk to the police to show he is stalking you. Talk to paladin or suzy lamplugh service for advice.

As for the boyfriend, this is a non issue really. Just wait for him to get in touch now and if he doesn't, then he isn't the man for you.

Yes, a body cam is needed and ring door bell to capture if he is hanging around your street.

Also check under your car for a tracking device, under the wheel arches etc or ask a garage to do this for you.

Record all pickups and drop offs.

Hopefully your new bf is just busy, lost his phone etc.

Take care 💐

It's feasible your ex has scared him off. I'd try again tomorrow before you worry tho

Any news?

I'm wishing you the best but I think maybe too soon for you to be in a relationship. How well do you know this guy? Do you have proof he isn't still with his wife? Men can get friends to lie for them.

Thanks everyone.
He has messaged now, he’s fine.

Maybe it is too soon but I’d still feel anxious about my ex even if I wasn’t in a relationship. That’s my main issue. As I said if it wasn’t for him I don’t think I’d worry at all if he hadn’t replied. Or not enough to be posting on here about it anyway!