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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband wants to go to his friends birthday party instead of coming to my sister's wedding with me. What would you do ?

76 replies

anitaG9 · 15/08/2024 20:20

Me and my husband have been married for 6 years.

My husband is 30, I am 28.

For context, my husband have a very large group of friends. He has both male and female friends but most of his friends are fairly decent. A lot of them are married but recently, he met 5 young man who he quickly became friends with and they are part of his friends group and he also made 4 new female friends who are the 5 young guys sisters and I am not too fond of them at all.

I don't know what they do for a living and even my husband doesn't know what they do but yet they own a $5Million house and they drive really expensive cars such as Porsches, alfa Romeos, Maseratis, jaguars ect and they travel the world every years and they also consume drugs. Mainly grass and white pounder.

Basically they do not work but yet they live a pretty extravagant life. My husband always tries to assure me that he doesn't take drugs with them but sometimes he goes out until 2 or 3 AM with them.

But recently we had an argument about my sisters wedding which will take place next month and he said one of those new friends will throw a big party at his mansion for his birthday and the his birthday happened to be the same date my sister is getting married.

I told my husband that I would be extremely disappointed if he ditches me and have me go to the wedding alone but he argued with me saying that I should be able to have a good time without him and he said that he's never been to a party like this before. All of his friends are gonna be there and they gonna have boozes, order lots of pizzas and other junk foods and they even hired a dj to show up at the party.

Even his new friends family members that I also find shady will be there.

Another reason why I don't feel right about this future party is because his friends sisters are gonna be there and my husband doesn't notice it but one of the sisters who I will refer to as Vanessa always seems to be overly excited to see my husband whenever he shows up. She always runs to my husband first to hug him tight before saying a polite hello to me. My husband is oblivious but I find it weird that she is always so happy to see him.

My husband debates with himself of wether he should go to his friends party or my sisters wedding. He says that his friends birthday party sounds like more of a fun time.

What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
Grateeggspectations · 15/08/2024 20:21

Put him in the bin. What an idiot

Pixilicious1 · 15/08/2024 20:23

First reply nails it.
Ditching my sister’s wedding for a freind he’s just met’s birthday would be the end for me. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and your family. He sounds very immature.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/08/2024 20:25

That sounds like a real culture/lifestyle clash. I wouldn't be at all comfortable with these friends either (in terms of the drugs). You can't force him to change though or to be who he used to be. I would also vote bin! (Or at least very serious conversation about values and the future!)

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 20:25

Whats with all these strange USA-centric posts all of a sudden.

DancingNotDrowning · 15/08/2024 20:28

Your husband isn’t oblivious to Vanessa’s efforts

anitaG9 · 15/08/2024 20:29

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/08/2024 20:25

That sounds like a real culture/lifestyle clash. I wouldn't be at all comfortable with these friends either (in terms of the drugs). You can't force him to change though or to be who he used to be. I would also vote bin! (Or at least very serious conversation about values and the future!)

Edited

I will try to have a conversation with him. I don't feel right about just getting up and leaving him. He is not a totally bad guy at all.

OP posts:
AugustAlready · 15/08/2024 20:31

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 20:25

Whats with all these strange USA-centric posts all of a sudden.

@LaraThot

what did I miss that's USA centric?? Seems more AI to me

@anitaG9

I'd find it weird to he married someone who clearly wants to be a bachelor. Then I'd dump him & move on from such an immature twat

but maybe that's just me preferring relationships with actual adults🤷🏻‍♀️

anitaG9 · 15/08/2024 20:31

DancingNotDrowning · 15/08/2024 20:28

Your husband isn’t oblivious to Vanessa’s efforts

I understand your point of view but he never cheated before so I don't see any reasons why I should question his loyalty.

OP posts:
Onehotday · 15/08/2024 20:34

What would you do in my situation?

Several things, but for starters I'd be ending the relationship. He's a liar, a drug taker and potentially a cheat

LaraThot · 15/08/2024 20:35

AugustAlready · 15/08/2024 20:31

@LaraThot

what did I miss that's USA centric?? Seems more AI to me

@anitaG9

I'd find it weird to he married someone who clearly wants to be a bachelor. Then I'd dump him & move on from such an immature twat

but maybe that's just me preferring relationships with actual adults🤷🏻‍♀️

Dollars. Plus its a load of baloney waffle. How does this AI work? Do you shoot a few sentences into an app then AI invents the rest. Grass and white
"pounder" for goodness sake.

Skyrainlight · 15/08/2024 20:35

Don't have children. I don't see a happy ending for your marriage unfortunately.

DancingNotDrowning · 15/08/2024 20:36

anitaG9 · 15/08/2024 20:31

I understand your point of view but he never cheated before so I don't see any reasons why I should question his loyalty.

Except that he wants to dump you and your sisters wedding to spend time with 9 much younger and very recent friends.

you absolutely should be questioning his loyalty, because he’s showing you none.

maras2 · 15/08/2024 20:38

What a poor excuse for a husband.
Never mind about women he may or may not want to cop off with BUT family weddings top shiny new show off 'friends'
He's a fecking eejit. Angry

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/08/2024 20:38

Well if this is true, he has had his head turned and he is out of his league financially - so this will not have a happy ending.

ncgfryhfdg · 15/08/2024 20:42

This is definitely AI…

itsmylife7 · 15/08/2024 20:42

it's the type of thing I'd have found very exciting when I was 16 not at 30.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/08/2024 20:46

Sounds like he wants to be a young free single party goer. Not a responsible adult and partner.

5475878237NC · 15/08/2024 20:47

DancingNotDrowning · 15/08/2024 20:28

Your husband isn’t oblivious to Vanessa’s efforts

Yep. Your husband wants to see Vanessa without you there.

OMGsamesame · 15/08/2024 20:48

he said that he's never been to a party like this before. All of his friends are gonna be there and they gonna have boozes, order lots of pizzas and other junk foods and they even hired a dj to show up at the party.

These statements don't go together

ThatFunFinch · 15/08/2024 20:52

This is the start of a miserable life….

Seaweed42 · 15/08/2024 21:00

It's your sister's wedding. He's your husband. It's his sister in law's wedding.
But he wants to.party instead. He's doing coke with them for sure. They are party friends. They connect over drugs. Take the drugs away and they are interested in going to the cinema or a country hike.

JazzyBazzy79 · 15/08/2024 21:02

OMGsamesame · 15/08/2024 20:48

he said that he's never been to a party like this before. All of his friends are gonna be there and they gonna have boozes, order lots of pizzas and other junk foods and they even hired a dj to show up at the party.

These statements don't go together

Have you considered that the OP may not be English? Your comment is rude.

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2024 21:04

He should honour his commitment to go to the wedding

SamW98 · 15/08/2024 21:05

Sounds like your husband is an immature drug taking wannabe gangsta - does he think his life is based on a 90’s R&B music video?

Good luck if you choose to stay with this Clown

Cosycover · 15/08/2024 21:06

Hes 100% taking gear with them. Of course he is.

That's why he wants to go to the party. Free drugs.

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