My husband wants to go to his friends birthday party instead of coming to my sister's wedding with me. What would you do ?

[anitaG9]

Me and my husband have been married for 6 years.

My husband is 30, I am 28.

For context, my husband have a very large group of friends. He has both male and female friends but most of his friends are fairly decent. A lot of them are married but recently, he met 5 young man who he quickly became friends with and they are part of his friends group and he also made 4 new female friends who are the 5 young guys sisters and I am not too fond of them at all.

I don't know what they do for a living and even my husband doesn't know what they do but yet they own a $5Million house and they drive really expensive cars such as Porsches, alfa Romeos, Maseratis, jaguars ect and they travel the world every years and they also consume drugs. Mainly grass and white pounder.

Basically they do not work but yet they live a pretty extravagant life. My husband always tries to assure me that he doesn't take drugs with them but sometimes he goes out until 2 or 3 AM with them.

But recently we had an argument about my sisters wedding which will take place next month and he said one of those new friends will throw a big party at his mansion for his birthday and the his birthday happened to be the same date my sister is getting married.

I told my husband that I would be extremely disappointed if he ditches me and have me go to the wedding alone but he argued with me saying that I should be able to have a good time without him and he said that he's never been to a party like this before. All of his friends are gonna be there and they gonna have boozes, order lots of pizzas and other junk foods and they even hired a dj to show up at the party.

Even his new friends family members that I also find shady will be there.

Another reason why I don't feel right about this future party is because his friends sisters are gonna be there and my husband doesn't notice it but one of the sisters who I will refer to as Vanessa always seems to be overly excited to see my husband whenever he shows up. She always runs to my husband first to hug him tight before saying a polite hello to me. My husband is oblivious but I find it weird that she is always so happy to see him.

My husband debates with himself of wether he should go to his friends party or my sisters wedding. He says that his friends birthday party sounds like more of a fun time.

What would you do in my situation?

Dump him. He's a wrong un

You misunderstand me.

I'm saying that the husband's comments make no sense. Who thinks ordering in booze, pizzas and junk food makes a party unmissable?

Trying to relive his teens/early twenties. It’s pathetic.

Oh I'm so sorry! 🥴🫣

Yep - I thought it sounds like a teenagers birthday party! 🤷‍♀️

He sounds just like the kind of guy I wish I was married to, loyal and caring. Respects me, understands what it is to be married. Understands his responsibilities in life. Deffo a keeper OP, one to start a family with ASAP.

First reply nails it.

Write this one off as a starter marriage, OP. And for God's sake don't get pregnant.

Maybe because he's choosing a new 'friend's' party over your sister's wedding??!?!? Ridiculous

Dude is doing drugs for sure. Typical addict behaviour, getting the drugs becomes unreasonably important.

You could explain to him that there will be lots of coke at your sister's wedding and if he changes his mind about going ditch him for the drug chaser he is.

Actually, that's fatuous. Try saying "You only want to go because you want to get high again". See what his reaction is.

I may be wrong and he is seeing someone else but it's the drugs that addle the mind.

Wow, is he ever going to grow up? Seriously don’t have kids with this man child. Yes, your sister’s wedding takes precedence….if he’s not aware of that how can you trust him to sensibly prioritise anything in your joint lives?! Run now.

But…..he’s giving you a big fat reason right now?! 😬

Are you invited to this party too OP?

He's already accepted the wedding invite, so it's rude to cancel.
I would put the point his new friends will have plenty more parties he can go to, whereas your sister's wedding will be a one off, and as such he should go to that.
Meanwhile I'd suggest he needs a head wobble, getting involved with drugs is not clever at all.
I'd be seriously reconsidering your relationship with him.

So he would rather go to a lavish party than your sister's wedding?
Boohoo to him, he married you, not these random people.

She's his wife's sister, of course he should go, regardless of how lavish this party is.

They will have other birthdays, your sister will not (likely) have other weddings.

Why is a married man hanging around with a bunch of 25 year olds? He wants out of the marriage and you deserve more

No 1- he's doing drugs
No 2- there's something there he's interested in, most likely Vanessa
No 3- he's being disrespectful to you
No 4-let people do what they want to do so you can see what they would rather do.

I'd put money on him doing drugs at these parties, and likely hooking up with someone too.

I don't know what they do for a living and even my husband doesn't know what they do but yet they own a $5Million house and they drive really expensive cars such as Porsches, alfa Romeos, Maseratis, jaguars ect and they travel the world every years and they also consume drugs. Mainly grass and white pounder.

LOL. And you still can't work out what they do for a living?

He has never been caught cheating before. This does not mean he hasn’t.

Regardless of cheating I would hate this new found lifestyle .

You've made a big point of denigrating his friends to show that going to your sister's wedding is the grown up and responsible thing to do, and the druggy millionaire birthday party the juvenile irresponsible one. You may have a point, but I'm sure he could make an argument from the opposite POV and it's not really up to you to police the quality of his friends according to your own criteria. At any rate, I don't think this is the point.

What's not clear from your post is which invitation came first. If, as I would assume, you'd be invited to your sister's wedding months ago and both intended to go, then he suddenly wants to pull out and go to the birthday party, I would agree that's unacceptable and you're right to pissed off.

If on the other hand he'd already accepted the birthday party invite when you sprung the wedding on him for next month (which would be weird - who only allows a month for wedding invitations?) then it's perfectly reasonable of him to say he's committed to a prior engagement and doesn't want to miss it. Even if it's one you disapprove of.

Oh ok, so....

He meets not 1 but 5 new guys with 4 sisters. how did he even meet them?
They all do nothing for a living but live in mansions and drive Porsches
It's not just your DH they invited to their party, but also ALL his other friends?

IF this post is real, then these people are most likely drug dealers so keen on your DH because they are selling him drugs. If ALL his other friends are there, then they are all into drugs too. Or he's lying so he can guilt you into agreeing that he can gi to the party.

I'd find it a bit sad that an adult man is so excited by a group of rich drug takers.

And yes choosing a newish friendship over family would be a deal breaker for me

I don’t get that you don’t know what they do but jump to drugs?! If I knew someone rich and didn’t know what they did I’d assume they had some form of a company or something, he can’t see them enough to know they do nothing 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I also think this is written by ai but in case it’s not- missing a sister’s wedding is horrendous, you need to just tell him and talk to him

@LaraThot

ah yes, I lived in NZ for many years so $ doesn't always catch my attention!

Grass was what we called it too

pounder made me laugh, but I have an iPhone with its own mind!!

I don't use Ai, so I'm not too sure how it works, but it seems unimaginative with user name & it's just 'reads funny' to me.

Not being a dick but the grammar, etc, isn't accurate enough to be AI (ect?)

So, on that basis, OP...

1. Loyalty isn't just about not cheating. It's about prioritising generally. So prioritising your wife over another woman you could have sex with; prioritising someone's feelings by standing up for them when others are dismissive; prioritising the family wedding over a birthday party arranged by people you recently met, etc. It's about prioritising. Who is his priority here?

1. Men are never oblivious to a Vanessa. They might pretend they are to keep their wife/partner happy, and they might have no intention to physically cheat, but they are never 'oblivious' and sometimes enjoy the attention.