My husband wants to go to his friends birthday party instead of coming to my sister's wedding with me. What would you do ?

[anitaG9]

Me and my husband have been married for 6 years.

My husband is 30, I am 28.

For context, my husband have a very large group of friends. He has both male and female friends but most of his friends are fairly decent. A lot of them are married but recently, he met 5 young man who he quickly became friends with and they are part of his friends group and he also made 4 new female friends who are the 5 young guys sisters and I am not too fond of them at all.

I don't know what they do for a living and even my husband doesn't know what they do but yet they own a $5Million house and they drive really expensive cars such as Porsches, alfa Romeos, Maseratis, jaguars ect and they travel the world every years and they also consume drugs. Mainly grass and white pounder.

Basically they do not work but yet they live a pretty extravagant life. My husband always tries to assure me that he doesn't take drugs with them but sometimes he goes out until 2 or 3 AM with them.

But recently we had an argument about my sisters wedding which will take place next month and he said one of those new friends will throw a big party at his mansion for his birthday and the his birthday happened to be the same date my sister is getting married.

I told my husband that I would be extremely disappointed if he ditches me and have me go to the wedding alone but he argued with me saying that I should be able to have a good time without him and he said that he's never been to a party like this before. All of his friends are gonna be there and they gonna have boozes, order lots of pizzas and other junk foods and they even hired a dj to show up at the party.

Even his new friends family members that I also find shady will be there.

Another reason why I don't feel right about this future party is because his friends sisters are gonna be there and my husband doesn't notice it but one of the sisters who I will refer to as Vanessa always seems to be overly excited to see my husband whenever he shows up. She always runs to my husband first to hug him tight before saying a polite hello to me. My husband is oblivious but I find it weird that she is always so happy to see him.

My husband debates with himself of wether he should go to his friends party or my sisters wedding. He says that his friends birthday party sounds like more of a fun time.

What would you do in my situation?

If he's dabbing at his nose as if quickly brushing away a drip, after a night out, you know that coke has been taken.

Nobody who cheats the first time has ever cheated before..

There's no way he doesn't notice her over familiarity with him if she's running up to hug him like you say. If this was mine, I'm not expecting him to be rude to her infront of everyone (although he would say "woah alright" or something else sarcastic probably) but he could at least agree with you in private and not pretend that a young girl isn't rubbing herself all over him infront of you 🙄

He's extremely immature. You don't ditch your sister-in-law's wedding for a booze filled party with a bunch of people he's known 5 minutes - no matter how much you might want too! He's a grown adult, who is married, not a single man. As for his friends lifestyle, it sounds dodgy, and most likely their financial means, is illegal.

What is pounder? Is this slang for coke? He sounds like a moron you would have a better time at the wedding without him.

Personally I would phone crime stoppers and report his friends for dealing drugs.

Wow, definitely he goes to the wedding ,
And if it wasn't the same date as wedding would would you of been invited alone too??
His priorities are to family not new friends, sorry OP

For goodness sake do not fxxk up your life getting pregnant with this man child.
Take it your marriage is doomed, if he attends the party he will be confirming it.
Don't waste years trying to get him to behave like an adult.
This is who he is.
An impressionable manchild.

Your husband sounds infatuated by their lavish lifestyle in a very childish way. He's thinking about ditching your sisters wedding for "Lots of booze and pizza with a dj". That's pretty crappy for a 30yr old man.

The birthday party sounds much more fun

Why are you asking for opinions, but disagree with everything?? How do you know he hasn't cheated?? People don't just come out with "by the way I cheated" I obviously hope he hasn't, but no one can be 100% sure

I didn’t even know that attending your spouse’s sibling’s wedding was optional / up for discussion!

He's refusing his inlaw's wedding to attend a birthday party filled with with drugs and booze....Surely he's not ok upstairs...He clearly knows what he's looking for in such gathering 🙄

Divorce him. You married a man child. Start again whilst you are still young.

You are either both teenagers or a bot!

Honestly, an Alfa Romeo as a highly desirable car, a party with lots of pizza & junk food and a DJ as something unmissable, white pounder!!

I would put money on this ‘party’ is a meet up with Vanessa and he knows you will be otherwise engaged with your sisters wedding so can’t challenge/catch him!

if this is a lifestyle he wishes to pursue then you need to have a serious chat about your future, especially if kids are involved

Totally out of order. It’s obvious he’s leading a double life. He’s either cheating or on drugs.

Sister's wedding trumps friend's birthday party and he needs to get his priorities in check. He would disappoint your entire family and you would spend the entire day explaining why he's missing.
If my husband chose a birthday over my sister he would no longer be my husband. He's showing you his true colours. You need to believe him.

He's had his head turned. By the lifestyle at minimum and maybe by Vanessa. I'd be very careful. Do you have DC? If you haven't already, don't.

Of course he should be loyal and go to your DS's wedding, BUT wild horses won't stop him being with these unsavory drug users because he's becoming one of them.

Sorry, but this won't end well.

Start making plans to get out of this marriage, before his lifestyle destroys you too.

He is an utter dick. Your sister's wedding trumps a new showy friend's birthday every day of the week.

Those exact words! He needs to get his PRIOROTIES RIGHT, he is acting like a 18 year old who has been finally invited to the "cool kid" party and would throw you under the bus just to have a good time by himself. He is acting like he is oblivious to that sister but in fact he is flattered by her affection.

To the OP, he should not be debating where he should be going, friend will have a birthday next year, your sister will not be getting married next year or the year after etc. Family should come first with no excuses!

😂 yes most definitely...

Your sister is his sister in law so his family too versus new friends. Shocked he would even consider this and would be a total deal breaker for me.

Firstly a wedding is more important than a friend's birthday, especially a friend who is quite recent by the sounds of it. Secondly he committed to the wedding first so should stick to that plan.

It will be quite uncomfortable for you having people ask where he is all day.

The fact he is even considering ditching the wedding is a big red flag to me and I would be questioning my future with him if it was me.

I know you say he doesn't do drugs, but if he suddenly feels this tie to them and wants to be there all the time, I would be questioning his honesty about doing drugs too tbh

You really don’t think he is up to no good with all that temptation in his way. ??
If he wasn’t interested he would be by his wife’s side before anything else.

your man is or what’s to play away. Remember drugs are also involved .

None of this makes for a happy outcome.

ultimatum time OP and mean it