Hubby working from home more

[Sorento569]

Am so used to my husband working 4 days in office and 1 day at home. New job coming up and he'll be only in office 2 days a week. I'm a sahm - and I'm dreading it! I need my own space and feel like he'll be on top of me! I'm actually worried about our relationship suffering. Any tips on how you would cope / overcome this worry? Anyone at home with their other half a lot. We just get on better with a bit of distance between us!

Well it actually is. It gets her out the house and earning money.

The default position for anyone should be work.

Maybe have a chat with him about expectations.
The potential bugbears I can see are -

1. Does he have space to work in or is he going to be in the living spaces and expecting the kids to be quiet?
2. Coffee/tea - he should be getting his own and dealing with the mugs.
3. Lunch - will he be expecting you to do lunch? Are you happy to do lunch?
4. General chitchat and chores - will he be expecting you to be available whenever he has a break in meetings etc to chat or do jobs?

I WFH as does dh - we sorted 1,2 and 3 - but omg - 4 drove me mad.

Does he have an option to go in more? How old are the kids? Having someone try to work with little kids in the house can be a bit of a nightmare.

Both DH and I work from home and it’s fantastic both in terms of our relationship and also logistically.

I guess if your relationship with your partner isn’t as strong then it could be a problem.

We now have more spare time, more flexibility and are able to arrange care for our DS far more easily than being tied to rigid commuting and office requirements.

I do think think you need designated office space though. Something like a spare bedroom rather than a kitchen table. The latter wouldn’t work for us.

How do you normally get on in each others company? As in do you tend to get on with each other well as people? Because my partner works from home five days a week and I've been on maternity leave since our baby was born last December, and we have no problems with it whatsoever. He works upstairs in the bedroom which is set up with a little office space and I have the rest of the house to potter around in. He'll pop downstairs a few times a day for coffee etc and then we'll also have lunch together and go for a walk during his lunch hour. I never feel like we're on top of each other and I plan my days with LO exactly the same as I would do if he weren't there. So I don't think it's bad at all, not like you have to share the same room all day!

That's interesting.
I often wonder why some people got married,
if they are worried about their spouse being around at home.
I'm saying this from a position of a person married for 20 years, neither my husband
or I "go out" to work (domestic and commercial landlords) and spend 24 hours in the same house.
Virtually no problems whatsoever.
Husband three decades older.

Can you honestly not see the difference between being in the same home as someone and one person working in that space?

Honestly?

@GingerPirate I love my husband and I don’t want to spend 24/7 with him. Same with my brother, my kids, my best friends.

There you go, I have solved your “ wonder”

She hasn’t said that. She asked for tips coping with the new situation.

Why not save everyone’s time, including yours, and read the OP properly?

Alright Capitalist Charlie, calm down. Default should be work indeed - get those kids up the chimneys and down the mines too!

Honestly, the answer is a dedicated working space with a door. He gets on with work, you get on with your day. You don't bother keep popping in and out. You accept that you'll probably hear him in meetings, he will have to accept that DC make noise.

Because she is a SAHM?

Exactly!

Also, having someone, even a loved one, in the house, does change the atmosphere. And some of us need some peace and quiet!

The person earning money should get priority I feel. He needs to perform at work for all your sakes so you all need to facilitate that.

Any actual tips? Or just pontification?

Do what he needs to make WFH productive. She needs to speak to him for an action plan.

Gotcha, Offred.

ersonally I don't want to live like a boardroom, thanks.

If he has no choice and HAS to work from home, yes, they have to make it work. However, that's not clear in this case. He may have the option to go in more.

Set some boundaries.
For example ..
He closes the door when at work.
Set times for usual work day.

Is the office space in the room that best suits you both?
Can you still have a friend and their child over without interupting each other?
Can you play music without interupting the office?

You make a hobbie space to disappear into.
You go out for a time each day to do errands etc.

Sometimes make appointment to have lunch together... otherwise assume each is not available to the other until after work.

Why do you think the home has to become a boardroom if someone is working from home?

Indeed. It is just about setting up your home to give him as much quiet and privacy as you can.

Everyone understands there are limitations with this, however best efforts should be made.

It was the language used. "A plan of action to make the work at home productive". Yuck. Technically correct, but from the point of view of the person wanting to relax in their personal space, sounds intrusive.

Yes, there are things to do to make things work. But, for example, being stuck at home with small kids and someone trying to work sounds like an utter nightmare.

OP everyone already went through this in 2020...

He needs to establish a dedicated space in the home to work where he wont be disturbing you and vice versa.

Why do you think he’ll be on top of you?

Great practice for when he retires! 😄

I've seen it all now. Moaning about him working from the home he entirely pays for. We both WFH almost entirely, it's pretty normal, you're really overreacting. Maybe get yourself a job or volunteering to get out the house?