Page 4 | Drunk facetiming my fiance in another country - now he is calling me controlling & that I don't want him being around his family?

beachbumska · 2024-08-12T20:01:35+00:00

as the post suggests, currently in a diff country from my fiance so time diff is 5+ hours. i was on a night out and got drunk and after about 3 hours facetimed my fiance, and we was chatting for about 10mins. I probably called him back 3-4 times afteer that (yes sorry i was drunk) and my friend called him too, everything was fine we was all laughing, he was showing me round the party saying hello to his uncles, mum, brothers etc and i thought all was good. today, in an argument, he is now saying i am controlling and i dont like him seeing his family, when i asked why he said because i kept calling him and being controlling on saturday? i am kind of caught of guard because this thought didnt even cross my mind to 'steal him from his family' it was more that i missed him and wanted to be part of his evening, and connect. He often makes me feel like a problem, now he has turned a cute thing into another problem with me... surely he doesnt think thats a deliberate attempt to get him alone, like wtf.

Motnight · 13/08/2024 16:14

beachbumska · 13/08/2024 15:24

You guys are insane hahahha - you think he is going to call off an engagement cause me and my friend were drunk and were facetiming? wow your husbands must not like you that much if thats what theyd do hahaha

Show quote history

Well in your own words Op, what you did has turned into a problem.

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:18

I don't see the control element really if it was a one off. You were drunk and thought everyone was on the same page. It was for him to judge whether it was an appropriate time to take and continue the call, not you as you weren't there. He could have taken control, said 'have a lovely night, I've got to join the party now' and put his phone on silent. Fine if it happens all the time or you were saying inappropriate things to his family but I think he's being a bit harsh if you were just saying hello.

Those saying you were repeatedly calling and it was embarrassing, ok, it was a few times but he could have managed that by pressing 'decline' .

Perhaps a cultural clash he hasn't handled in the moment and is blaming you?

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:21

I think a lot of these comments are unfair about checking up on him etc. If the family were smiling and being polite, drunk OP probably genuinely thought it was all good fun at the time.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 13/08/2024 16:27

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:21

I think a lot of these comments are unfair about checking up on him etc. If the family were smiling and being polite, drunk OP probably genuinely thought it was all good fun at the time.

Op is presumably sober now so can see the possibility that 4 drunk calls might be annoying.

Plus we don’t know what country the man is from. Women might not commonly get drunk in his country so the chat may have resulted in a few raised eyebrows for cultural reasons. (I am not saying that OP shouldn’t drink if her fiancé’s culture frowns on women drinking - just that his family might have judged)

Notonthestairs · 13/08/2024 16:38

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:18

I don't see the control element really if it was a one off. You were drunk and thought everyone was on the same page. It was for him to judge whether it was an appropriate time to take and continue the call, not you as you weren't there. He could have taken control, said 'have a lovely night, I've got to join the party now' and put his phone on silent. Fine if it happens all the time or you were saying inappropriate things to his family but I think he's being a bit harsh if you were just saying hello.

Those saying you were repeatedly calling and it was embarrassing, ok, it was a few times but he could have managed that by pressing 'decline' .

Perhaps a cultural clash he hasn't handled in the moment and is blaming you?

I think he probably did decline her call - the 5th one. Which was why her friend called him on her behalf.

I also suspect he knew that he'd get an earful for not taking the call in the first place.

heinzseight · 13/08/2024 16:40

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:18

I don't see the control element really if it was a one off. You were drunk and thought everyone was on the same page. It was for him to judge whether it was an appropriate time to take and continue the call, not you as you weren't there. He could have taken control, said 'have a lovely night, I've got to join the party now' and put his phone on silent. Fine if it happens all the time or you were saying inappropriate things to his family but I think he's being a bit harsh if you were just saying hello.

Those saying you were repeatedly calling and it was embarrassing, ok, it was a few times but he could have managed that by pressing 'decline' .

Perhaps a cultural clash he hasn't handled in the moment and is blaming you?

This. It was annoying but not controlling.

jannier · 13/08/2024 17:12

I'd imagine none of them were rude enough not to play along but after you were discussed. It's not cute drunks are not cute can you even remember what you said then to let your friend ....are you 12?

jannier · 13/08/2024 17:13

SonicTheHodgeheg · 12/08/2024 22:03

A controlling person would FaceTime to check that it was a family party and no attractive people of the opposite was were there. I don’t think that you’re controlling but just saying that a person with control/trust issues would FaceTime repeatedly for that reason.

He shouldn’t have answered your calls but maybe he was worried that there had been an emergency or he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the night because he’s wondering what you wanted to say? Would you have kept on calling or he ignored your calls ? Would you have been angry? I obviously don’t know you - this is me playing devil’s advocate

I think that controlling is not the right word for your behaviour which is most definitely not cute. Annoying is probably the most appropriate description as drunk people think that they are hilarious, witty and great when they are none of thise things to a sober person.

Didn't op say he showed her around the party?

jannier · 13/08/2024 17:16

beachbumska · 13/08/2024 15:24

You guys are insane hahahha - you think he is going to call off an engagement cause me and my friend were drunk and were facetiming? wow your husbands must not like you that much if thats what theyd do hahaha

Show quote history

Oh god just knew it

jannier · 13/08/2024 17:18

Catlord · 13/08/2024 16:21

I think a lot of these comments are unfair about checking up on him etc. If the family were smiling and being polite, drunk OP probably genuinely thought it was all good fun at the time.

Drunks never read the room properly, polite people smile (grimace) and after say wtf is he/she on glad they've gone.

Catlord · 13/08/2024 17:30

jannier · 13/08/2024 17:18

Drunks never read the room properly, polite people smile (grimace) and after say wtf is he/she on glad they've gone.

Show quote history

Well indeed. DP could have cut short the call and screened the others. Not saying it's not annoying but not really controlling if she thought it was all friendly

HarrytheHobbit · 13/08/2024 19:04

OP, you soubd exceptionally immature. Maturity would be admitting that pissed up phone calls are not "cute"and being able to see your fiancé's pov. Controlling may not be the right way to describe your behviour ( unless you are always calling him when you are not with him) but you were in the wrong. Own it.

Original poster

beachbumska · 16/08/2024 15:08

IncompleteSenten · 13/08/2024 15:31

Look. You behaved like an immature tit. I doubt it's a deal breaker but it was childish.

All you can do is say sorry to him, acknowledge it was inappropriate (because it was) and tell him next time you get together with your friends you'll put the phone away.

Now you can "hahahaha" if you like or you can choose to take the honest advice of people older and wiser, who've been there, done that and suffered the hangovers to prove it

I doubt there's any who have not got drunk and made a fool of themselves in their youth. God knows I did.

But you learn from it. You take responsibility for it. You apologise when apologies are necessary.

And then, eventually, you grow out of that stage in your life and move on. Having had a lot of fun and a few regrets along the way.

Right that’s a fair comment to make and I totally agree. But the abuse on this thread is not ok and quite frankly mean. Not sure what I expected anyway. Oh. Well

OP posts:

Original poster

beachbumska · 16/08/2024 15:09

5128gap · 13/08/2024 15:58

When you said cute, I got this mental image of you telling him you just wanted to speak to him because you miss him soooo much, in a baby voice and pouting at him. Then your mate coming on and the pair of you shrieking with laughter while she tells him how you've been talking about him all night, and telling him to tell you how hot you look, and then you pretending to shut her up. Hopefully it wasn't like that though.

That’s your judgement talking though because I never said that.

OP posts:

InterIgnis · 16/08/2024 15:20

Whether it’s controlling or not depends on whether you have form for such behaviour, surely? As a one off, no, but as part of a wider pattern of behaviour? Yes, I can see how it could be.

It doesn’t matter that you found it cute, or that you think the onus should have been on him to not answer (rather than the onus being on you to, you know, not repeatedly drink dial him), he’s telling you he didn’t like it (and a lot of people wouldn’t like it, so it’s not even like his viewpoint here is an unusual one). Perhaps respect that.

Josephinesnapoleon · 16/08/2024 15:21

I’m sorry op, I don’t find that remotely cute, nor do I find it acceptable that you wished to connect and be part of his evening. So between you and your friend you called him 5 times wanting to see round and connect and be part of it. Drunk too.

id also say controlling, I see his point. If you are invited you are part of his evening, you don’t do that, and I’m surprised you think it was cute.

nocoolnamesleft · 16/08/2024 15:36

Not cute. Fucking annoying, intrusive and embarrassing? Yes. But not remotely cute.

Bobbotgegrinch · 16/08/2024 16:29

Definitely not cute, and definitely not a positive thing.

I'd be deeply annoyed if DP did that to me when I was sat alone at home, let alone with all my family.

He probably kept answering because he knew you were drunk and thought you might be phoning in a state and needing help, and he was "ok" about it that night because there's no point arguing about something with a drunk person.

You've behaved like an idiot and embarrassed him in front of his family, people who he would probably prefer actually liked you, and now you're trying to spin it that he's at fault for being annoyed about it.

ZanyFox · 16/08/2024 16:33

I expect it felt controlling because you were demanding his attention and insisting he talk to you while he was doing something else.

Soshu · 16/08/2024 16:35

Drunk calling 4 times isn’t cute or positive

Josephinesnapoleon · 16/08/2024 16:42

Op do you have previous for this , trying to get involved in stuff he does, make it all about you and not like him doing things without you. There was nothing cute or positive about this, in fact it could be considered quite sinister, repeatedly phoning like this to get his attention and getting your friend to call.

i don’t know what it is, controlling, needy , attention seeking, but if I was his family I’d be telling him to run.

Biggaybear · 16/08/2024 16:48

Not controlling but not cute either. When you're out with your mates concentrate on them, especially when your OH is abroad with 5 hours difference. Nothing worse than trying to have fun when out & friends constantly texting/calling others.

Just thankful that when I was young we didnt have mobiles to distract us 🙄.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/08/2024 16:54

You sound so young, are you actually old enough to drink alcohol legally.
one drunken phone call - maybe
two drunken phone calls - annoying to say the least
three drunken phone calls - how embarrassing for him and his family

nothing cute here !

you thinking his family wanted to meet your equally drunken childish friend via facetime or whatever - dearie dearie me, his family are now wondering just who he is involved with.

' i missed him and wanted to be part of his evening, and connect. '
oh bollocks ! you are in a different country, with a friend and drunk - it was not an appropriate time to ' connect '

you were off your face drunk !

Josephinesnapoleon · 16/08/2024 17:00

The poor friend though. I hope you were out in a group and not just the two of you. Seeing you spending your time repeatedly phoning him, trying to be part of his evening. Instead of your own. And then getting her to call too so you could continue.

he’s not a fiancé. Is he, he’s just your boyfriend?