Drunk facetiming my fiance in another country - now he is calling me controlling & that I don't want him being around his family?

[beachbumska]

as the post suggests, currently in a diff country from my fiance so time diff is 5+ hours. i was on a night out and got drunk and after about 3 hours facetimed my fiance, and we was chatting for about 10mins. I probably called him back 3-4 times afteer that (yes sorry i was drunk) and my friend called him too, everything was fine we was all laughing, he was showing me round the party saying hello to his uncles, mum, brothers etc and i thought all was good.

today, in an argument, he is now saying i am controlling and i dont like him seeing his family, when i asked why he said because i kept calling him and being controlling on saturday? i am kind of caught of guard because this thought didnt even cross my mind to 'steal him from his family' it was more that i missed him and wanted to be part of his evening, and connect. He often makes me feel like a problem, now he has turned a cute thing into another problem with me... surely he doesnt think thats a deliberate attempt to get him alone, like wtf.

I don’t think drunk calling four times is a cute thing, why do you think it is? I think it’s very annoying, especially when he was busy with his family. What do you mean by he often makes you feel like a problem?

now he has turned a cute thing into another problem with me.

nothing cute about repeated drunken calls from someone on a night out when you are busy with your own plans.

thisnis not a “positive” being spun into a negative by him. You were most likely highly annoying.

Ok maybe controlling wasn’t the right word to us but being a drunk irritating pain in the arse bombarding someone who is in another country with family could never be called cute.

Think you need to own the fact you were out of order and apologise not turn it on him for ‘making you the problem’ because in this case you were.

A controlling person would FaceTime to check that it was a family party and no attractive people of the opposite was were there. I don’t think that you’re controlling but just saying that a person with control/trust issues would FaceTime repeatedly for that reason.

He shouldn’t have answered your calls but maybe he was worried that there had been an emergency or he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the night because he’s wondering what you wanted to say? Would you have kept on calling or he ignored your calls ? Would you have been angry? I obviously don’t know you - this is me playing devil’s advocate

I think that controlling is not the right word for your behaviour which is most definitely not cute. Annoying is probably the most appropriate description as drunk people think that they are hilarious, witty and great when they are none of thise things to a sober person.

Yep, you would have pissed me off too. He probably felt embarrassed in front of his family, and felt like he had to keep answering as it would have raised more questions if he'd ignored you. You need to apologise.

You probably embarrassed him.

Why not just not phone him?

How is it a positive thing?

I think this points to something deeper and I would try and reflect why you were demanding his attention when you knew it was turned away from you. Do you feel safe in the relationship generally?

That I’m on a night out and interested in introducing my friend to my partners family in a diff country because I couldn’t physically be there.

No what you did was not positive

Yeah, there's nothing positive about this. Incredibly annoying.

4 or 5 times and her friends called him.

He should have just stopped answering. But OP was being very unreasonable.

But did his family want to? Probably not.

He was with his family - it wasn’t the appropriate time.

My brothers ex used to do this kind of thing, she'd say she missed him so much and would video call him when drunk and then ask to be shown round to "meet" everyone. One call wasn't enough for her, less than hour later she'd be calling him again, and also her pissed mate three times too, my Mum actually pulled him aside to say it's a red flag that she can't let him have an evening with his family without the need to interrupt him multiple times. Mum had seen the pure hell my sister went through with her partner, which started with similar things, phoning her multiple times when he knew she was busy with family and acting like it's her fault for not telling him not to phone, she'd smile on the calls because if she didn't, he's accuse her of not wanting to talk to him, if she didn't answer the phone he'd message her a load of times, and it was just the start of many unhealthy behaviours he had.

Ex bil would do things like tell my sister she should just ignore the phone if she didn't want interrupted while with other people, he couldn't just put her in that position in the first place.

If this is the first time you've done something like this I'd just apologise and say you won't do it again.

Why on earth would your fiancé's family be particularly interested in someone they haven't met? To the extent of 4 times, its not sweet and yes it does sound like you may well be very insecure if you can't get on with your own night out without calling him in the middle of it.
Your other option would be to enjoy your night, let him enjoy his, then ask each other how the nights went when sober the next day. That would of been far better. In fact, next time you're both doing your own thing, make a pact to not call each other, or even text for the night, it will do you good.
I think your best bet is to apologise for pestering, blame the drink and say you hadn't realised it would come across like being controlling. Chuck in a promise it won't happen again and you might get away with it this time. In fact say you get now that it could seem controlling rather than trying to deny and you'll get some brownie points for seeing it his way.

Is not 'cute' to drunk FaceTime someone 4 times when they are with their family. It's not controlling but it's childish and I'd be embarrassed to be your partner- but to be honest I wouldn't have answered after the first one and told you stop. Have you met them before? You clearly were very drunk thinking his family had any interest in seeing you and your hammered mate to 'bond' with. He needs to take some responsibility though for answering, but it doesn't show great things king on your part either.

you sound really annoying. If one of my brothers was at a party with the family and his drunk girlfriend kept facetiming and calling him I'd definitely be asking him what the fuck her problem was, so I imagine someone in his family has pointed out how poor your behaviour was and he's pissed off about it.

You should have called before you got drunk then and introduced your friend and had a grown up conversation with his family before going out. Like a grown up.

Yeah it’s not cute…

Its pretty embarrassing on your part tbh

I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing than being stone cold sober at a family daytime gathering and my partner phoning 4 times to drunkenly pass the phone around their friends and likely screech down the phone. He must have been utterly humiliated

Definitely not cute.

Calling drunk once, never mind several times AND getting friend to call too, was never going to go down positively!!

Very annoying to ring multiple times while drunk. Not cute at all. His family probably commented tbh - if my brother's fiance was doing that I would think it was weird.

I'm laid back but four times I'd start to lose my shit.

Honestly it's embarrassing for him and you. I'm not sure it's controlling but it's very clingy and juvenile.