Excluded from results day

[MrsChumleyWarner]

I'm hurt!

My ex is abusive and manipulative. He stole our children's life savings and continues to give me a hard time at every opportunity. He slags me and my family off to our children at every opportunity.

I've tried to co-parent. I've tried to be reasonable.

I blocked him because he's abusive. I tried talking to him recently about an assessment for our youngest for autism. He won't speak to me. He doesn't answer or return calls. Says its because I blocked him in the past.

Today when speaking to my eldest about A level results day. She told me she's going with him. He's picking her up the night before, taking her at 9am for the results, watching her open them. Helping with clearing if needed - because he knows everything there is to know because he went through all this 37 years ago! She doesn't want me there incase we, the ex and I, argue says we can't be in a room together.

This happened with GCSEs too. He took her. I was told to meet the there so she could get the results and I could take her home after. They told me a later time and went without me.

I wanted to see her open the results.

I am absolutely devastated.

Great outcome, OP, and you didn’t get sick on your car but your ex did. That’s a win-win!

I’m so pleased to read this outcome. Great news for you and your daughter.

My parents were divorced and couldn’t be in the same room. The awkwardness and anger between them spoilt all major life events for me. Even planning my own wedding was an absolute nightmare knowing they couldn’t be in the same room - I had to have a tiny wedding with neither of them there (couldn’t have the big wedding I dreamed of as it would be too awkward explaining why neither of them was there, and I couldn’t invite them as I’d be worried all day that they’d have an argument or make things awkward) which was really upsetting, and race around going to one of their homes before the wedding and one of their homes after the wedding just so they weren’t offended which was really horrible. I understand it’s upsetting for you, but it’s worse for your daughter who has been caught up in this, so (gently) please don’t make this day about your feelings. If no major life event can go by without one parent getting upset they they’re not invited then it will spoil everything for her, as it did for me, and might end up affecting your relationship.

I feel for your daughter … must be hard to tread a tight rope of negative emotions between warring parents. I would hate being in her situation

As others have said .. don’t make it about you.. let her make her choices and work things out.

Just to clarify. I try... I have tried. He's nice when he wants something and a complete bstd when he doesn't get what he wants.

I've spent years trying to appease him whilst he does the usual of lying and manipulating.

My youngest asked me a month or so ago why I bought birthday/Christmas presents for him over the years when he never did. The presents were from the kids who obviously couldn't buy anything.

I'm far from perfect but I have and continue to do my best as a Mum.

Very normal for independent school. Both parents would generally be there with drinks, breakfast etc laid on. All senior teaching staff on hand to go through clearing issues or for those who want to use clearing to switch upwards to a “better” option.