To ask what your husbands/partners are like with the children?

[Sofia45]

I just wanted a bit of input from othere about how their husbands/partners are wilts the children?

I am on maternity leave I have a job part time my husband is the main breadwinner and pays all of the bills. I pay for my own phone bill, pet insurance, some food shopping & bits and bobs for the family.

We have a 13 year old and a 6 month old, there is so much of a gap because I remember how difficult it was the first time around and how little support I had and here we are again. I do all of the night feeds, he doesn’t even stay in the same room so not to be woken up. I clean the house, I do the washing. I pick up all of the responsibilities for the children. Whenever I have something planned my husband will have the baby but I will do everything before I leave so the baby is in bed.. Whenever he has her I just feel completely responsible still. Because he is self employed if he can’t answer the phone whilst he’s watching the baby it’s my fault; and I get it in the neck.i can never ever fully relax, I went to the toilet the other day and could hear him downstairs slamming things because he couldn’t answer an email. Am I expecting too much? I understand he is the one who pays all the bills so it’s important he is rested which is why I take on all the night feeds but I can never do anything without feeling stressed that I’m going to be given the cold shoulder when I return…. Even on the weekends where he could help more he goes and plays sports which leaves me alone again… incredibly frustrated. Are they all like this?

Mine isn't like that at all - we are equally hands on, although I would say if I'm honest he is probably more hands on. Does all the morning school runs and one pick up to my one pick up a week. To balance though I have them all school holidays as I am a teacher and he isn't.

However, we earn roughly the same and both work full time to everything is pretty equal - kids, money, housework.

Nope. They're not all like that. I'm on my second marriage, kids from both marriages and neither of my husbands have been like that. Both have been fantastic hands on parents and supportive husbands.

No of course they're not all like that. My DH did shared parental leave with all three of our kids and has compressed hours at work so he has day off every week with them. Now these are things that not every employer will agree to obviously, but they are things that all dads should want to do in my opinion.

That said, my husband isn't a high earner but I wanted a man who would be a good dad and would want to do his fair share.

Mine is really great and the kids are mad about him. when they were babies and I was on mat leave he had them from Friday evening until sat late morning so I could sleep. Now that they are bigger he'll happily take them out all day or to his parents for a weekend. he's definitely a 50-50 parent.

You know they're not all like that.

My husband has always done 50-50 childcare, if not slightly more. We alternate who is responsible for our son at night and have done since he was born. Even when I was on maternity leave and he was working. Any time outside 9-5, we are parenting completely equally. What that looks like is different (I do more of the mental load, he does more of the hands on getting ready, bath time, toilet visits, following him around playgrounds etc) but it always feels fair.

I could disappear for a week and know that he'd be doing just as good a job as if I were there. But most importantly, we feel like we're a team and each trying to make life easier for the other. Neither of us is trying to see how little we can get away with while the other picks up the slack.

My husband not at all like that. Your DH is behaving appallingly.

Mine shared night feeds, changing, soothing, etc. Has always done 50/50 housework, cooking, laundry, shopping, admin, etc. Probably does more than me tbh as he works more hours.

I would never have a baby with a man like your DH lol

DP may remember it differently of course, but it was pretty 50/50 for us. I worked full time and DP worked part time but when I was at home I was getting stuck in.

Night feeds, nappy changes, bath time, bed time, cooking, etc. We'd each do equal shares of getting up early with DD etc.

I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, DP thinks I'm a bit slack with household chores at times because I think that doing the hoovering twice a week is acceptable whereas she wants it done every day etc.

But I had a 50% contribution to making the little human, I make half the mess, so I deal with 50% of the consequences of that.

You might want to tell your other half that apparently Tony Blair did all the night wakings with their youngest while in Downing Street which goes some way to explain his grotty decision-making on Iraq. So much for big important man jobs.

Men are child free even if they do have kids.

No, DH absolutely loved our DCs from Day One. He worked very long hours but would regularly drive home through the night because he really missed them. He happily gave up his weekend hobby because he preferred to spend his time with his children. He was always very loving, very hands on with them both. If anything he was the better, more intuitive parent than me when they were little. Now they're both adults he still dotes on them both.

It surprised me, if I'm honest, because his own father was the complete opposite, very distant and uninterested in DH. And my own father wasn't much better with my siblings and me.

Okay so, in terms of ducks in a row… I’ve seen people say find out about mortgages and what property they have but how do I do that in the QT?