Really tired of MIL

[Bohomovies]

I’m so tired of my MIL. I’ve always had problems with her, as she has made it clear from the start (through little comments and digs) that I’m not good enough for her son. I do love my husband though, and we are mostly happy, so I’ve always made the effort to host MIL when she’s come over to stay.
However, I’m now getting very tired of it. She comes to stay every month on average, for about four or five nights, and she’s starting to ask to stay more often. She’s also been on quite a few holidays with us, and she’s now starting to invite herself along on many of our plans. We were invited to a DH’s relatives house recently, and she just invited herself along with us. DH thought it was hilarious that she did this, and he wants her around all the time, but I’m just getting fucking sick of her now. Especially as she has verbally abused me in the past.
I’ve probably made a rod for my own back by allowing her to spend all this time around us, but I did it because I feel that family relations are important. I thought, she won’t be around forever, let them spend time together, but she’s certainly hanging on in there (in her 90s now, and still going strong!).
What would you do? Grit teeth for her last years, or set a boundary and risk a backlash if she dies soon?!

Oh, and to make things worse, she’s just blocked the toilet. Yes… she’s staying with us at the moment.

How?

I agree dh is the problem.

Because my dh wouldn't allow this. Or anyone to disrespect me.

Yeah your husband is the problem, allowing this to happen when he knows what it's doing to you.

He was angry with her when she verbally abused me, and he did talk to her about that. She’s been easier since then, but she’s still wanting to spend all this time with and it’s exhausting me.

Could you avoid her a bit during these stays with the expectation that your DH steps up?

Say no to her then.

he wants her around all the time

Why?

What's your relationship like when she's not around?

So what does she do when you're both at work when she's visiting?

That’s what I’ve started doing. If she was younger I’d definitely stop allowing these stays to happen, but it’s difficult because of her age.

We are currently both working from home

We are mostly happy, but he seems to want to involve her with a lot. She does it to the other children and their partners too.

I’m not sure he does know. I’ve always been accommodating because I thought it was temporary due to her age. I’ve not actually told him that I’m really struggling with it now.

So you are working which means you can shut the office door and ignore her. Or arrange to go into the office or work in the library when she's visiting. Leave your husband to look after his mother if he's so keen for her to stay.

She’s in her 90s? Correct?
Id suggest you imagine being in her position.
But that you also sit down with DH and make a plan together. Times when she is with you, maybe more time for yourself and time together as a couple.
She is unlikely to change given her age. But at that age I think I would cut her a bit of slack.

You seem to have an obsession with advance searching posters and trawling through previous posts.

#creepy

Get DH to unblock the toilet, you're already dealing with enough crap...

I was thinking exactly the same. That is odd.

She appears to be moving in by stealth. I agree with others that you have a DH problem. You married him, you love him but that doesn't mean you're happy or comfortable having his mother around so much, and coming on holidays! Just say no to that.