To have never been hit on!

[Poppybob]

I feel uncomfortable posting this but am. interested in people's view. I am married with DC, been with DH for a long time. I've never been hit on when out with friends etc. Never been catcalled, never had anyone slide into DMs. Never get compliments. Never had any of the annoying behaviour other women say they constantly get from men. I do realise it can be horrible etc etc. I was just wondering if I was literally the only woman who hasn't experienced these things. Am thin and always been thin, friendly and think am okish in looks. Not gorgeous but not ugly either.

Neither have I! It used to bother me but now I am happily married to a lovely man who adores me so it doesn't anymore :)

Me neither.

I think I give out ‘fuck off’ vibes 😀

Me neither
I'm always perplexed when I see posts on here from people saying they gets loads of attention from men
And have wanted to post the exact same question

Ha yeah if I'm honest me too
I rarely smile and if anyone did hit on me I'd think they were taking the piss
I'm most likely neurodivergent but can not be arsed with labels
I'd love to be different but at 41 I'm not likely to change now

You aren't the only one!

I've never been given a guy's number, never been bought a drink at a bar...hell I didn't even get to go on my first date until I was in my late 20s as I was asked out once at 18 and never again (and I stupidly said no at 18!). The first date was arranged through a family friend or it never would have happened! Men just never approached me.

Just before I turned 30, a guy around 40 approached me, introduced himself very politely and asked me if I'd have coffee with him. This was the first time I'd ever been romantically approached by a man and I freaked out and just didn't know how to handle it. Not visibly to him, but I went to the toilet afterwards and my entire face and neck had broken out in red hives! I was totally speechless because I'd just never been used to anyone being interested in me, wanted it for a long time, given up in the end and when someone finally was interested in me I was really spooked!

Other than that. I had a few instances of guys at house parties trying to get me drunk so they could sleep with me but they weren't even remotely nice about it and I only found out after they told friends of their plans.

I'm 40 now, like you married (the relationship came out of a friendship) but I have never had a man tell me he thought I was pretty or anything when I was younger. Apparently they told other people that! And I've enough other people who paid me physical compliments to be objective and say I can't be totally hideous. I used to joke that I'd had marriage proposals from 10 year old boys and 80 year old grandads but couldn't get a single date with a man my own age!

I really had a lot of hang ups about it and still feel sad I was a wall flower/very late bloomer but there just seems to have been something very unapproachable about me. I never felt like I could get male attention and it still gets to me when friends and even my mother boast about all the male attention they had how they essentially had men eating out of the palm of their hand.

My stories all involve handsome men approaching me, looking me in the eye shyly and saying, "Can I ask you a question?",
me getting my hopes up that this was finally it, only to get, "Is your friend single?" and being the one left holding everyone elses bags while they danced with guys, feeling completely unwanted but smiling and putting a brave face on through it all. It was a pretty miserable time and I can't say I've really healed from it to be honest, shallow as that sounds. I still feel like DH did me a massive favour by paying me any attention.

Haha, yes, I'm not smiley and that makes a big difference! (Not saying that you aren't OP). I always think that people who are curvy in the boobs and bum department seem to get a lot more random, although not necessarily good, attention from strangers. Or very loud people.

How did you meet your DH?

I don’t think it’s anything to do with looks/personality/clothes, etc. I think it has more to do with your vibe, especially as you get older. Things like wolf whistles, sliding into DMs etc. are as much about asserting dominance as anything else, and if you don’t look like an ‘easy’ target then you’re less likely to get hit on. I have a beautiful friend - she looks like Princess Diana - who never gets hit on. She just looks like she’s above it and wouldn’t take any stupid shit.

I do agree with vibe etc, but think if you're big chested you're a target whatever the vibe, some men seem to think you've grown them just for them, especially if god forbid you choose to wear close fitting clothes. "Asking for it" obvs. 🙄

I am very smiley and curvy (definitely have big boobs!) and I'm the same. But I am also introverted so I don't spend my spare time in bars, nightclubs, etc. I'm a woman's woman and don't have a flirtatious personality or vibe. I wouldn't have a clue how to flirt at all. And I'm NT. I'm single, always have been and assume I always will be and I'm completely fine with that. Perhaps I'm asexual.

I've had a few desperados slide into my DM's but to be honest I'm due to be married in November so don't feel the need to reply. In person, no, it's often my friends who get hit on. When I was younger and slimmer I used to get a lot of attention so I'm just putting it down to the way I look now, because I'm not slim I'm probably seen as unattractive at first glance.

I haven't for a while now. Had it a bit when I was a teen and in my early twenties but didn't particularly enjoy it. Mainly in pubs or clubs by drunk people who were sleazy. I don't now but I think it's a combo of I am not so young and I don't go to places where every one is wasted / a meat market type club.

Definitely this!

I have a couple of friends that always get hit on and always have. Both pretty but not stunning. One's more likely to court attention (that's a while other thread), the other just goes about her business but gives off some sort of lovely, fun vibe and gets a lot of attention.

I have a couple of other friends who are gorgeous and get nothing! Both also friendly, lovely, intelligent, funny women but give off more closed vibes, I think.

It's very rarely happened to me too (properly being hit on)

Being catcalled isn't about attractiveness, it's about abuse of power. It means you look vulnerable/easily scared. Thats how they get their kick. You don't want to be jealous of that.

I’m single and very rarely get any male attention. My friends have always called me Wednesday (as in Addams) so I do think I give off a ‘fuck off and leave me alone’ vibe.

Though it only seems to be in person as when I tried OLD I was inundated with sex pests 🤣🤣🤣

I don’t tolerate nonsense from men though so any sexual comments, wolf whistles etc I would either give an icy glare or tell them it’s inappropriate whereas I have friends who would use that as an invite to start flirting.

You probably look unapproachable rather than unattractive, and I bet you've had loads of pervy looks but just haven't noticed. I don't think any woman can escape it. And a lot of chatting up happens in very drunken states so I don't know if you've been much of a going outer?

So how did dh attract your attention? Sliding in to dms is a very new thing

I've been with DH for a long time, he's been the only man I've been with. We started as friends but I would even say that it was me that pursued a relationship with him to start off with

Oh, me too. I think I’m attractive and I have a nice figure, and like @PerkyMintDeer have had plenty of compliments but NEVER from straight men unless in a relationship with them! I’ve never caught a flirty vibe from any man in conversation, been chatted up, asked out etc. I don’t think I’m oblivious to it either as I’m really quite good at reading situations, working out what’s really going on etc. Makes me laugh when I read about women turning invisible in middle age - I've always felt invisible to men. I have a DP so not too bothered but it really baffles me. I’m chatty, fun, nice but not much of a people pleaser.

Same. I'm acutely conscious that sexual harassment is rife, and a daily misery for many women, not dismissing it at all, but I've genuinely never been hit on, and I've actually stopped saying that in public as someone inevitably tells me that I must be mistaken, it happens to everyone, I probably just haven't noticed it, did you grow up in a convent/gated community/remote Scottish island, etc.

I think I actively avoid it
I don't make eye contact with men I don't know in bars etc
I would hate being hit on I wouldn't know what the hell to do in that situation

I used to get hit on/cat called/beepbeeped or whistled at moderately often if I was on my own, but it pretty much dried up over the last ten years (fine by me, I'm 50 and I love walking around unmolested).

I was never the one in a group of friends who got the male attention, and just this weekend I had the experience of being out with two same aged female friends and being apparently invisible to the waiter as he fixated on my very glamorous (married and uninterested) friend. It brought back the memory of a hundred nights out!

I haven’t since I hit 50 but I had a regular drip, not a deluge, before that.

I think the pp is right about approachability. I’m very small, probably a little above average pretty but not wow, used to have a great slim but curvy body and I’m generally friendly and smiley. I’d rarely if ever be the best looking woman in a bar or trendy restaurant.

I reckon I fell into the fanciable but not fantasy bracket and blokes probably calculated they were unlikely to be publicly humiliated if they made an approach. Women are also generally friendly with me so I think I have the opposite of resting bitch face. Honestly, I think I’m less nice than my face and demeanour apparently suggest 😂😂😂

Oh and to those who didn't get hit on or harassed, I would guess you drive most places, or walk with someone when you are out. I never got whistled at or approached when I was with a man or in a group, and waiting on my own on a train platform was always an easy way for a guy to ask some transport question and then continue the conversation.

I know much more about London transport now, but strangely men are no longer eager to ask 🤔

I got wolf whistled a lot in my 20s but it wasn’t because I was attractive, it was just asserting dominance because of my age. I hated it because there was literally nothing good about it.
I’ve never been hit on but occasionally I’ve noticed waiters/people working in coffee shops seemed to take a shine to me. It had the opposite of the desired effect and I’d not go in that place if they were on duty as it felt awkward.