To have never been hit on!

[Poppybob]

I feel uncomfortable posting this but am. interested in people's view. I am married with DC, been with DH for a long time. I've never been hit on when out with friends etc. Never been catcalled, never had anyone slide into DMs. Never get compliments. Never had any of the annoying behaviour other women say they constantly get from men. I do realise it can be horrible etc etc. I was just wondering if I was literally the only woman who hasn't experienced these things. Am thin and always been thin, friendly and think am okish in looks. Not gorgeous but not ugly either.

It had the opposite of the desired effect and I’d not go in that place if they were on duty as it felt awkward.

Oh yes! I once stopped going to a place that made the BEST panini because the guy at the counter started calling me his favourite customer. I'm sure he was just trying to upsell me a cantucci biscuit or something, but I just wanted to be invisible for half an hour.

I never considered myself attractive as a teen but looking back at photos I was. I always felt out of my depth flirting, basically got me into trouble. So I rarely flirt with anyone. I think as a result men are comfortable in my company because I never “hit on them”. But it does mean I don’t get hit on in return. Maybe we have all subconsciously learned how not to be vulnerable. Maybe it’s actually a very protective advantage. Maybe we get to choose our partner rather than being chosen.

My DH always says he married me for my brain, my body was a bonus. All women beautiful or otherwise grow old but an intelligent mind will always be there. We never run out of stuff to talk about and he loves the fact that I often come across as a ditsy blonde but I’m secretly super intelligent.

It's getting worse as I get older, but I'm sort of glad as now I have the confidence to throw them the death stare or feed them a quick retort 😆

I think because older men don't try those tactics, it's a young mans game.

Oh and agree about the walking, I walk everywhere on my own and get beeped and sleazed on but never when I'm with anyone else.

I got a lot of attention in my 20s i was bloody stunning size 6-8 took great care of myself always made an effort asked out a few times catcalled etc but always declined the offer.
However fast forward over 20 years nothing im sure i became invisible not the above size anymore not stunning just a plain jane pulling my trolly bag to asda.
I went from model to old hag.

Nope. I've been completely ignored all my life really. Never had problems finding boyfriends though, but I didn't meet any of them by them coming onto me at random.

I think there are certain ‘triggers’ that catch men’s eye. Long flowing hair, especially it is blonde, hourglass figures, or visible breasts, bubble bum, long or shapely legs. Then there’s the flirty, extroverted demeanour- seeming bright and sparky and keen on attention, smiley and making eye contact - like Barbara Windsor in the Carry On films.

These things catch attention.

Then there’s doing certain things - jogging, riding a bike, dancing, that draw attention - especially if they cause any ‘jiggle’.

There’s also the thing of being a lone female in an isolated place. Lots of weird men see this as an invitation.

If you’ve never dressed in such a way that emphasises your curves (and aren’t especially curvy), always had short hair, or hair tied back, if you’ve never been jogging through the streets, ridden a bike much, or never been way off the beaten path by yourself and you have an unflirty, slightly forbidding demeanour, then that’s the only way I can imagine you would have escaped harassment.

Aha, the “you’re not doing X/Y/Z” etc comments have come out.

I walk all over the place alone and always have, taken public transport, gone for long runs and never been beeped at, had a comment made, been chatted to, or anything of the sort. It’s not because I’m older, it didn’t happen when I was younger either. I never get chatted up in pubs or bars, never have men try to sit next to me or ask me random questions, just…nothing! Ever! And I’m not saying I’d love to be sleazed on but it seems like people can’t comprehend this doesn’t happen to some people. And I do chat to people on my way through life. I often have cheerful exchanges with women and older men (as in obviously OAP types), or children, but never men my age. I am invisible, or give off some kind of vibe only they pick up on.

You are making me very curious. I wonder what the vibe is.

Well, I was always fat and had loads of male attention. Can we dial back on the 'thin = pretty' narrative? Thanks.

Totally agree I’ve got an hourglass figure, I’m very well presented- dress nicely, hair always done, nails make up etc. I’m very social, out most weekends in bars/music venues and I walk everywhere alone but I don’t get male attention possibly because I admit I give off a vibe of being unapproachable. It’s nothing deliberate, it’s just who I am.

I’ve been single nearly 5 years now and I can count on one hand the chats I’ve had with random men in that time.

When women on here say they’ve been hit on by male friends and their friends partners, I’m horrified because at 55 that’s never ever happened to me even once and I have numerous good male friends.

I don’t think I’m unapproachable as I very often get strangers (women) telling me their whole life stories, wanting advice, etc! I’m fairly cheerful and will often get winks or flirty comments from the “older gent” in that sort of situation where we both know it’s a bit of a joke. Gay men ditto.

Lucky you! I had it a lot in my teens and twenties, still some in my thirties but less so. In my fifties now and it doesn't happen any more thankfully! I'm enjoying being invisible to men (except DH!) 😂

One of my friends is absolutely gorgeous but rarely gets catcalled or hit on because she just exudes serial killer vibes. Have you ever seen a Shoebill stork? She gives that energy. So maybe you just have an incredible "fuck off" aura? Take it as a blessing!

I'm ginger so unfortunately that's apparently given men free reign to ask about my pubic hair since I was about 12. Careful what you wish for, all's I'm saying!

This is 💯 percent my experience too, and everything you've pointed out is the same with me too. Zero attention ever!!!! I think people find this weird and why I was a little embarrassed to post this.

Yeah...sorry but the "if you had long hair/big boobs/curvy figure etc you'd get hit on" comments are bollocks!

I was always slim but with curves and disproportionately large breasts, full lips, was quite literally a hair model with Pocahontas type hair, like AtomicBlondeRose, I get everyone's life story, I'm otherwise pretty popular with a good sense of humour and lots of people approach me just never straight men my own age. They seemed to instead avoid me like the plague.

ETA And on reflection, I wouldn't say that it wasn't that I didn't catch men's eyes...I noticed I did, to be honest. It's just that they'd either just not do anything other than stare or instead become openly hostile and try and neg me or something. A couple of times I had beer thrown on me by complete strangers when all I was doing was walking past them or standing with my girlfriends behaving just like fhem...yet I was the one targeted?

I think we have to be careful with commentary around being unapproachable etc, whilst I appreciate that is reasonable around conversations about being hit on, but things like cat calling can be harassment which this thread has naturally moved onto, women aren't asking for it, they're not being too friendly or smily.

Maybe you are too gorgeous for them? They’re intimidated?

I think a lot of it is what "signals" you give off. If you're flirty (lots of smiles, eye contact, maybe light touching, paying them a lot of attention etc), then you're more likely to get hit on whether that's what you want or not. If you give off the "fuck off" vibe (i.e. business like, abrupt, aloof, etc), then you're more likely to be left alone. I do think it's a two way street really.

I haven’t been hit on much since becoming a mother, and was surprised when a man tried to chat me up with two children in a double buggy. My thought at the time was that he was hoping to become a ‘cock-lodger’ and targeting mothers. Perhaps this is just about where I live?

Another time I was walking home late in the evening pushing the same pushchair and I was harassed in a way that terrified me - I felt the man was asserting dominance because he knew I wouldn’t just run away and leave my children- so he got off on being able to corner me. I got the feeling he thought women shouldn’t be out of the home/kitchen.

Its been really rare for me to be harassed, hit on, etc, since I have been over forty, but I don’t really go out much or do anything where it is likely to happen either. Especially if I allow my greys to grow out. So it is very surprising if it happens now.

I think if I was gorgeous I would have known about it and had some positive male attention from peers. I've certainly never felt gorgeous and from what I see gorgeous women get hit on a lot. They don't have to wait until their late twenties for a date and have such a hard time finding anyone willing to sleep with them (I'd got to the point where I honestly thought I'd die a virgin!).

My prettiest friend is like a modern day Marilyn Monroe in terms of personality and blonde prettiness (coincidentally size 6, hardly any boobs and a short bob!) and has men falling over her, literally eating out of the palm of her hand. She's gorgeous and has zero issues with male attention. She's literally flirted her way out of jail by playing the dumb blonde act. I'm in awe!

I decided a long time ago that I must have repugnant pheromones!

I dunno...maybe I have a bit of a school teachery vibe too. I've also been told I'm "classy" more than any other compliment I've received...is that off putting? I'm reaching here!

I have big boobs, smile a lot and am very friendly and I have also never been hit on!

Same here too!

well the only attention I was given when younger was when some guy decided to throw a pint of beer over my head!

Maybe some of you have a really high bar for what counts as hitting on/harassment?

For example, I thought I’d have a lovely quiet moment to myself, sitting on a bench, looking at a pond in the park. Very few people were around and there were lots of empty benches. This creepy man decided to come and sit next to me. This to me was sexual harassment because he had no need to get into my personal space and there was no one around to hear me scream. From his vibe, the way he looked at me and his body language towards me, I knew he was trying it on. I had to get away and I was really angry I couldn’t have a quiet moment to myself.

Those who say they’ve never been harassed, would you consider this harassment?