I looked at the phone

[Daisydaisydaisy1]

Been seeing a guy since last November. I knew of him as we live in the same town. He was married 20 years and has teen age boys.
When I met him he told me how difficult things were after the divorce and being away from his boys etc. It had been 18 months and he said things were a lot easier etc. He likes a drink and what I could gather, he spent a lot of time in the pub. As we have dated, I suppose he spends less time in the pub but still likes a drink. He told me he drank a lot over the last year and would go out every weekend to get very drunk. He also told me he had taken cocaine on a few occasions. He told me that was not the life he wanted and it was his way of coping.
About 2 months ago he told me he was thinking about moving in with his mum so he could get some money behind him. He has said he wants to build a future with me but has poor credit history so needs to sort this. I have asked how bad the debt is as I need to know this. I work really hard for my home. It took me a long time after my divorce to mortgage alone.
He said it was just money he owed his mum. I told him to be honest and he said it was just a little to pay his mum back. I spoke with his mum briefly about the plan and she said he is always giving his 1 son money (he is 19) to go out as he spends his money quickly. Long story short, just found out his son smokes cannabis and is taking illicit substances. They must be costly.
He is now moving in with his mum.

My phone broke so he has lent me an old phone of his. Straight away text messages were popping up from debt companies. I read 3. I have no idea if these are outstanding. The date was August 2023. I went into the gallery. First thing I saw was a pink coloured pill on someone’s hand. I have no idea what this was. I looked at another video as I could see him in it with something on his tongue. Then played the video and it was him recording himself taking this pill. I googled it and it was exactly the same as illicit drugs called MDNA (I might have that wrong, something like that anyway). I went on to another video and it was him saying ‘I have pills for all of us’. Then another door cam footage of him to his neighbour saying’I have grams of cocaine here, I’m leaving it outside’.

This was all last year. We spend alot of time together so I know this isn’t happening now. I’m not naive, I am now very much questioning if it has on occasions. I’m also wondering if someone can just go through a phase like that after divorce and then live without it again.

This wouldnring alarm bells for me op - l have got a friend who has been trying to give up cocaine fornyears but always goes back to it and quite frankly is a complete prick when on it.
Proceed with caution.

Run. Been there, got the debt and the healed bruises.

Don't put your home at risk for some bloke you've known a few months OP.

He has lied and lied and lied to you OP. He drinks a lot, has done a lot of drugs, is terrible with money and is god knows how much in debt. This is not someone to consider a future with.

Run away fast.

Oh dear lord, you don’t need this bollox in your life. Seriously, unless you are also into heavy drinking, drug taking, drug dealing (sounds like), and getting into debt, then this is most definitely not the man for you. He will not make you happy.

If he hasn’t grown up by now I doubt he will.

you never know the real reasons behind his divorce and it’s likely his wife had enough because of his childish behaviour constantly at the pub drinking and doing drugs.

this man lives at home with mummy, is in debt, does drugs, drinks a lot and supports his son in this behaviour as well. Why would you want to get involved in this?

have some self respect and tell yourself that you deserve more. If you enter into a relationship with this man you will constantly be wondering how much money he owes, if he’s doing drugs etc.

It all depends how much you are willing to put up with OP , for me, I'd be dumping him. Sorry probably not the answer you want but I have a feeling he will bring nothing but misery and drama to your life. He lives with his mum, has debts, big history with drugs and alcohol and also enables his son in the same behavior. He has some very questionable morals and therefore isn't somebody who I would consider building a future with.

If you have worked so hard to provide some security for yourself, don't let this man bring it all crashing down!

He will bleed you dry given half a chance. Neither he or his son are grown up.
You will find someone better, someone with similar values to you.

I'd run away from this guy as fast as I could. He's in really deep and he'll drag you into it financially and emotionally.

You didn't go through your divorce and all that heartbreak and trouble to end up with someone like this.

So

• A liar
• A drug taker and supplier
• An alcoholic
• Moved in with him mum. Who he leaches from.
• In debt to debt collection stages.

Hell, lady, fucking run already!

You know he's moved home because wherever he was befire that, the debt collectors are due to visit!

Jesus Christ do you really want to deal with this shit in your life? Is this bloke really worth the agg, drama and stress?

Honestly I can’t see a single reason for wanting this man and his issues in your life. Run as fast as possible in the opposite direction

Middle aged divorced man who is a heavy drinker, into doing drugs, his teenage kid following him down the path of doing drugs and as the gold star cherry on the cake has serious debt issues.
Jeez, sounds like a real bottom on the barrel pick to me!

I literally can't imagine in what universe I'd be living in to have to have to even consider this sort of person to enter a relationship with.
Sorry, sounds harsh maybe. But hey, you do you I guess if this dish of the day is the best thing on the menu. Personally I'd rather be single.

Countdown to an argument with his mother so he will have a housing crisis and need to move into your home "temporarily", then his son will move in, then you will get to live in fear about who else will turn up over drug debts. Run, run far and very fast.

I agree with all of the above. Also, you don't get a poor credit rating because you owe money to your mum

OP from my experience, people like this always return to type ... get yourself out of this asap .. this is who he is

I wouldn't date him, no way.

But just to say also, people can and do change. My DH dabbled in his 20's with weed and LSD type drugs. When I met him he was 35, in a professional job, and wasn't doing any of that anymore. He is now in his 50's and has never done any drugs in all our time together, apart from one time in the Caribbean when he tried a bit of weed just once. To be honest, it wiped him out for the day as he wasn't used to it, and he actually threw the rest away.

But I would be very wary of someone who has been drug taking that recently, and he isn't young either. I think it's one thing to dabble in your 20's, but this sounds like serious and regular drug taking in his mature years. No thanks.

Add to the list - he's not very bright to realise that you would get messages on his old phone. He should have realised he had to at least take the sim out and wipe the memory first.
Not exactly a criminal mastermind is he?
Which means police involvement soon enough.

Multiple red flags here. Don't risk your hard won independence and financial security by continuing to date this man. He sounds like a loser. You can do much better OP 💐

I googled it and it was exactly the same as illicit drugs called MDNA (I might have that wrong, something like that anyway). I went on to another video and it was him saying ‘I have pills for all of us’. Then another door cam footage of him to his neighbour saying’I have grams of cocaine here, I’m leaving it outside

MDMA is the same as Ecstasy.

The video about him taking cocaine to his neighbour suggests he's probably been selling drugs as well as taking them.

Basically, he's massively in debt, has a drink problem, is regularly off his face on pills and coke, hangs out with other drug-users, gives money to his drug-using son, and lives with his mother. This man is really not a catch, OP. Run a mile.

He sounds like a scumbag.

Also never date a man in debt. He'll try and drag you down with him.

I'd also add that if he was getting text messages from three different debt collection agencies as recently as last year, his debts will not be small and will not have been paid off. These are debts for cards/loans that he's left unpaid for so long that the lenders have given up pursuing him themselves and have taken on debt collectors to do it instead. Did he, by any chance, change his number when he got a new phone?

I'm guessing he's moving in with his mum not only to avoid rent but also to avoid the bailiffs.

To be honest, even if he had paid off all his debts and was financially doing OK again, if he as still getting chased by debt collectors as recently as a year ago, you would be unwise to have any financial/property connections with him because his credit rating will be absolutely awful and could bring yours down with it.

From experience, debt and drugs are a bad combination and paint a picture. Unfortunately I had a baby (who is brilliant and no regrets) with my own piece of shit, but you haven't been as silly as me yet. Move on and find better - you'll never be able to own a home, even rent a joint tenancy, or trust him on a night out, if he does have an issue with drugs that could crop up again - even if he's okay for now.

(Sounds like he didn't just occasionally dabble, but was bad enough to cause himself financial instability in the name of getting on it - big, blaring, flashing red flag)

Also beware if you are successful and do well for yourself, and he's in loads of debt moving back in with mum, you're like a light at the end of a tunnel that of course he will love. He probably won't get better than you. That is code for you can do better than him. Break up and don't look back, you'll not regret it

This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Think of it this way if your dearest friend was saying I’ve been dating this guy for less than a year, he has drink problems, takes drugs, is in debt and borrows from his mum oh and he has lied, what would you say to her?

It is better to end it and move on.

It’s a no from me