I looked at the phone

[Daisydaisydaisy1]

Been seeing a guy since last November. I knew of him as we live in the same town. He was married 20 years and has teen age boys.
When I met him he told me how difficult things were after the divorce and being away from his boys etc. It had been 18 months and he said things were a lot easier etc. He likes a drink and what I could gather, he spent a lot of time in the pub. As we have dated, I suppose he spends less time in the pub but still likes a drink. He told me he drank a lot over the last year and would go out every weekend to get very drunk. He also told me he had taken cocaine on a few occasions. He told me that was not the life he wanted and it was his way of coping.
About 2 months ago he told me he was thinking about moving in with his mum so he could get some money behind him. He has said he wants to build a future with me but has poor credit history so needs to sort this. I have asked how bad the debt is as I need to know this. I work really hard for my home. It took me a long time after my divorce to mortgage alone.
He said it was just money he owed his mum. I told him to be honest and he said it was just a little to pay his mum back. I spoke with his mum briefly about the plan and she said he is always giving his 1 son money (he is 19) to go out as he spends his money quickly. Long story short, just found out his son smokes cannabis and is taking illicit substances. They must be costly.
He is now moving in with his mum.

My phone broke so he has lent me an old phone of his. Straight away text messages were popping up from debt companies. I read 3. I have no idea if these are outstanding. The date was August 2023. I went into the gallery. First thing I saw was a pink coloured pill on someone’s hand. I have no idea what this was. I looked at another video as I could see him in it with something on his tongue. Then played the video and it was him recording himself taking this pill. I googled it and it was exactly the same as illicit drugs called MDNA (I might have that wrong, something like that anyway). I went on to another video and it was him saying ‘I have pills for all of us’. Then another door cam footage of him to his neighbour saying’I have grams of cocaine here, I’m leaving it outside’.

This was all last year. We spend alot of time together so I know this isn’t happening now. I’m not naive, I am now very much questioning if it has on occasions. I’m also wondering if someone can just go through a phase like that after divorce and then live without it again.

Were talking a proper grown up man who has teenage kids and has a tendency to drink heavily and do drugs?? Seriously. Hes single for a reason. What a great role model for his kids who sound like they’re following his example. Id call it a day. You really dont want this.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩👀

Oh FFS, OP.

Don't be a fool.

This man is the road to hell.

Run. You don't need drug dealers turning up because he has drug debts. Last year in our local town a step Grandfather of a druggie was battered because he couldn't pay the drug debt of the step Grandson he had never had anything to do with. Drug dealers don't care who pays the debt.

Please save yourself. Years ago I was with a man like this and I gave him a chance to change. He didn't and I went through years of hell. Lies lies lies. Slipping back to old habits. Staying friends with bad people who are still doing those bad things. It's heartache for you. You deserve better.

OP you are worth more than this. People who behave like this have no need to change when others are enabling^^ them. His mother is enabling him, for starters.
As you have been known to each other for a while he will know you have your own home and job. Basically you are a decent person with a clean record in every way.
It could follow that the next thing is he is running up debts from your home. Even if he’s no longer selling drugs, he’s putting himself at risk and you by association. Do you really fancy a knock on the door in the middle of the night? Because they will turn your house over in a search. I am not being overly-dramatic. Stuff like this can ruin a good person’s reputation.
What do you get from this relationship?
If he is living with his mother, is he staying with you often.
Basically, he now has two women enabling him and he’s getting his DS involved.
The only men like this who ever change do so because they end up in prison. And that’s just a change of address.
They come out and start all over again.

I see minus 267 reasons to stay.

he sounded dreadful even before I got to the phone part.

run, OP. you don't need this in your life.

Pretty sure well not here from the OP again on this thread.

This would be a deal breaker for me OP. Drinks too much, a druggie, in debt, living with his mum. Has lied to you about a lot of things (the debt and the drugs). Has a tricky teen son and is giving him money for drugs. He will drag you down @Daisydaisydaisy1.

My friend met a bloke who did a pills and cocaine and was in debt up to his eyeballs. He made her promises and she foolishly let him move in.

She had her car keyed and windows smashed as a warning to him from dealers and 6 years after they split up ages still getting debt collectors turning up.

As someone who dabbled in drugs pretty heavily as a teenager and into my 20s, I’m pretty forgiving about that kind of thing, but the videos of him taking drugs would give me the ick. It’s extremely cringey and is something a teenager would do. I feel a bit bad for him, but you need to run for the hills. His poor mum.

The debt would worry me more than the recreational drugs tbh. I would dump him

Thankyou so sorry much everyone!
Things are clicking together now! He has changed his number. He was talking about moving back to his mums when I met him because of money issues. When I asked what he said he owed his mum. I asked his mum and she said bills. I told her I have 1 wage and bills And although it’s tight, I manage.
what do I get from this relationship? I just read that comment and actually laughed to myself. What do I get? Jeeze! I have been a fool!
I am disgusted watching the videos and yes, like a teenager!

He video'd himeself taking drugs and dropping drugs off somewhere? With a nice little audio just so that everyone would know it was him? Is he sixteen? For this degree of look how trendy I am! Look at how very edgy I am - I take drugs, me! alone I would dump him in the ocean.

And, as a PP said, you don't get bad credit from borrowing off your mum. This guy is in it up to his eyeballs and he's on his best behaviour now. It will start to slip soon enough, when he thinks you're in too deep to give him the shove.

He'll be 'borrowing' from you soon if you keep him around.

Then you'll have his drug dealers and bailiffs 'borrowing' from you too.

Check your credit report to see if he has debts linked to you/your address.

walk away now OP,
what's next hell move in with you, borrow more money,
bring trouble associated with drugs and dealing to your home
and debtors knocking on your door

When I first started reading your post I thought it could be my son's girlfriend! Because my son is exactly as you described. I would tell her to end it but I know she won't, he is planning to move to Scotland where my other son lives because he can't kick his cocaine habit. At the moment he is going alone so I can only hope she lets him go for her own sake, she deserves so much better. My other son is happy for him to move up there and will get him weight training and hopefully keep him away from the dealers. He has completely destroyed his life, lost his flat and moved back in with me. Lost his car because he didn't make the loan payments. He is in debt by so much I don't even want to know. He still owes me £5000 and I was stupid enough to take out a loan when he was saying he couldn't pay the dealer or the maintenance for his children. He lies all time and claims he's not using when he is. I feel let down and betrayed. When I gave him the money to pay his debts he said he was going to the local shop and disappeared for hours. I knew straight away I had made a huge mistake. I am upset that he is leaving but I am actually looking forward to it now, we have had months of chaos and even though I am waiting for the result of a breast biopsy he couldn't care less to be honest. Addiction turns people into narcissists. Run for the hills.

I don't think it will come up. My coke addicted son is living with me and in serious debt going back years, but it hasn't affected my credit. I took out a loan (stupidly) to help him out a couple of weeks ago.

🚩🚩More Red Flags than a Communist Parade. Run for your life!

The debt is because of the drugs. It's a very expensive habit.

Remember how hard you worked to get to where you are now. You deserve someone who matches your drive and pride and that person can’t come along if you’re wasting time on losers like this.

So he drinks/drank excessively, took / takes drugs, his son takes drugs, he has a bad credit history, owes his mum money and lives with his mum?

Is this really a man you want a future with?

Loser. Get rid. Druggie living with mummy, up to his eyeballs in debt, with troublesome teenage children to boot. Hard pass.

Yes it was very very cringe watching that! I wonder if his mum knows?! She is a pensioner!
She knows he has debt. She can’t be that naive to think the bills were too much!
she said to me a couple of weeks ago, I have told him to calm down and to explain to you that you wouldn’t mind staying in once in a while. After that conversation, I thought to myself, he doesn’t take me out or if we do, we take it in turns. I messaged to say to her that please don’t think he’s spending his money on me and lending from you because that’s not the case.