I regret breaking up with an ex 5 years ago

[Nomoreplease2016]

Has this ever happened to any of you? I was too young and naive to think things thoroughly. Huge regret. I won’t lie, this man was definitely the one that got away. I miss him to this day. He was my best friend & I was a 23 year old who got scared of commitment. We had been together 3 years & tbh I really don’t know what came over me. But lo and behold. 5 years on I still think about him all too often & although try to convince myself other wise, i for some reason have a feeling (maybe being delulu) that we will one day reunite. Even if it’s yearsssss away. Does anyone have any advice or any experience/similar stories? TIA

Any chance he is single now??

@Ontobetterthings actually not sure! He was with a girl after me until last year but after that I don’t know for 100%! Why? X

Either get in touch and see if he's single, or accept it and move on. Don't get stuck wasting your life on something that's not real.

Everything happens for a reason, eh

Why don't you track him down and tell him how you feel - first find out whether he's single though. Nothing ventured nothing gained

If that’s true you could just sit in your room for the rest of your life and watch the paint peel.
Get in touch with him ASAP and let him know how you feel.

It was a few months after we broke ip that he ended up with this girl. I presume out of loneliness, and yes they lasted a few years but he eventually left her. During this time of course I was also seeing people. But nothing compared in the slightest. Hindsight is great. I’m just not sure he would even be willing to talk to me now years later. Or what way to go about it. At the time he was willing to do anything in order for us to have a life together. This new girl was then the complete opposite of me in almost every aspect. Everyone thought it strange. And I text him a few times but nothing came from it.

&&& If he’s not single, should I just leave it then???

Why do you presume out of loneliness? It’s entirely possible he just wanted to date someone else! Jeez!

Yes, you should just leave it if he isn’t single!

Yes, if he is not single leave it until he is.

Have you had a recent breakup by any chance?
If he's not single, obviously you leave it, that should be obvious.

Id get in touch and ask. If he's single then ask him out and if he's in a relationship leave him well alone .

Just tell him what you've said here.
Life's too short notice to give it a try.

This. Don't live wondering.

Because a week before he got with her he was begging me to meet him! And I was told by many how much he wanted me still. I was his first everything and we were best friends. He was willing to move to another country in order to save us and because I needed a few months break to sort my head out we didn’t. Then he got with her.

Oh dear OP, you sound very young. Just because ‘many’ said something doesn’t make it true.

This poor guy. You massively hurt him. By all means try ONCE if he is still single but otherwise you need to let it go.

Of course. What else would do?

I completely get that I fumbled this. Wholeheartedly I know and that’s why I regret what I did. But in another way it was what I felt right at the time as I didn’t want to be with someone so loving who I thought the world of if my head was all over the place. Hindsight taught me, I was just young and probably afraid of complete commitment at the time - because I still loved him and that didn’t change. He is the best person I’ve ever known. And course I wouldnt pursue this if he was with someone else. And no I’m not recently gone through a breakup. I feel this way about him for a long long time now, never stopped loving him truly. I just put it to the back of my mind but it keeps creeping back in.

It won't hurt contacting him OP. Do it.

It might hurt him.

Perhaps you're bored? How are you doing with creating a fulfilling life for yourself? How's your self esteem?

Fixating on one person from the past suggests that you're sure there's nobody out there for you other than someone you yourself broke up with. There are loads of people out there you'd be compatible with: why are you stuck on this ancient history one?

Is it possible you're building this up into something more than it was OP? You obviously had your reasons for breaking up with him.

Five years have passed and both of you will be different now. You don't even know if you'll still be attracted to him.

There is one option that wouldn't hurt, and that's the one where he says 'Amazing! Let's get back together!'

There are lots of other options which all hurt: he is married, he doesn't want to get back together, he doesn't want to speak to OP, he's never forgiven her etc.

Sure, writing a message doesn't hurt, but it's very nearsighted to rule out that getting a response might!

Agree with this too.

When I was in my 20s I remember feeling similar about men from my past who had been more interested in me then I was them. Had a bit of a low point where I was single for ages and feeling a bit down about it and ended up contacting one of these guys and going on a date. It was so awkward, we hadn't seen each other in about 2-3 years and had absolutely nothing in common anymore.

Your gut instinct at the time was telling you that the relationship wasn't right for you. Instead of berating yourself for that years later, focus on meeting people in the here and now.

Hmm.

I broke up with an ex 5 years ago. Dating has been TOUGH. I think about him often, and wish, in my lowest moments, that we were still together.

But fantasy and reality are two very different things. When we fantasize about the good times, we forget about the things that we didn’t like, the things that caused the break up in the first place. I wonder if you’re more fixated on the idea of him, than the reality? And you miss that feeling of being loved, especially if you’ve been on your own a long time.

Personally, I won’t be reaching out to my ex. He’s an ex for a reason. It’s completely up to you if you decide to reach out to yours. Who knows? Maybe second time around it could work out. But if it doesn’t, put it to rest and look forwards, not backwards. There are plenty of people out there and I’m a firm believer that you will meet somewhere who is right for you, at the right time.

Nah I think it's easy to be wistful and view things with rose tinted specs on but you can't turn the clock back. Meeting with him now wouldn't match up to what you've built up in your head. Yes you might want to kick yourself and that's fine but it wasn't right at the time.
Contact him if you want to get this out of your system but you risk a) messing him around b) being massively humbled c) disappointment that this isn't The Notebook. But it would help you move on if you're really ruminating on it.