I regret breaking up with an ex 5 years ago

[Nomoreplease2016]

Has this ever happened to any of you? I was too young and naive to think things thoroughly. Huge regret. I won’t lie, this man was definitely the one that got away. I miss him to this day. He was my best friend & I was a 23 year old who got scared of commitment. We had been together 3 years & tbh I really don’t know what came over me. But lo and behold. 5 years on I still think about him all too often & although try to convince myself other wise, i for some reason have a feeling (maybe being delulu) that we will one day reunite. Even if it’s yearsssss away. Does anyone have any advice or any experience/similar stories? TIA

Sorry yes I wrote here nothing came from it as in we never met up or anything else!

In this case, would we both be each others twin flame or is this a one sided aspect? Don’t know too much on the subject sorry.

OP, it seems you had a bit of breakdown and separated because of that. I don't think you did anything wrong. In fact breaking up during a time you couldn't handle a relationship due to mental health problems was probably the wisest thing to do. Sometimes the timing isn't right, even if you think the relationship itself was good.

That said, I do think an ex is an ex for a reason. Even if it was circumstances why the relationship didn't last rather than a personality clash, I think it's a bad idea to try to go back to the past. You're looking at that relationshiop through nostalgia goggles and it makes it seem better than it was. Getting back together will 9/10 times just remind you why it did not work out.

My advice would be is to savor the good memories and move on. You two are both different people now. There is no way you could recreate what you still remember from the past. Our memories become distorted with time as well, especially when you recall them often. It makes things often seem better than they were.

I would not risk further heartbreak.

Thanks very much everyone! Think I might leave it. I’m probably just fantasizing too much. Who knows.

I think that’s a shame, OP. What’s the harm in reaching out? If nothing else, at least you’d know and even it’s a negative, you can move on without wondering “what if?”

Go for it if you can. People are more likely to regret what they don't do.

The reason was you wanted out and ended it accordingly. Nothing divine about it. It was your choice.

I think it's quite cruel to go back 5 years later. You didn't go back in a few months realising your mistake. It's been 5 years.

It wouldn't be the same

Just message him already. Life is short.

You say you have mutual friends so just find out from them if he's single. If he's single message him and just ask if he'd be up for going for a coffee/drink sometime. Much better to have closure one way or another IMO, if he says no he's not interested then at least you can move on properly.

Definitely contact him if he is single as otherwise you could be still thinking about it for another five years ..You've nothing to lose !

Can’t you tell from the socials you are still connected on whether he is single or not?

Do you ever comment on each other’s posts? Can you start doing that and see how he responds?

For what it’s worth I understand making the kind of decision you did when young. You have no idea what else is out there for you and settling down early could have been a mistake. You’ve both had 5 years to grow up. Maybe you would still be compatible. Maybe you would have grown apart.

As you broke it off with him, I think it will need to be you who has to make the first contact. Nothing would persuade me to contact someone who dumped me. But there are plenty of ways you could test the waters. It’s not like you have been NC for 5 years so it should not unsettle him too much. Comments on social. Birthday messages with extra ‘fancy a catch-up’ comments, text about something that reminded you of them and to say you hope all is well. Cheeky texts to say you heard he and his gf broke up and is he allowed to speak to you again now? Etc.

That’s also true. It’s just conflicting ad the replies here are so polar opposites. As in don’t go there whatsoever and go for it 🤣 the reason I didn’t reach out a few months later is because I had heard he was with someone else and honestly just felt bad enough and left it. Tbh I really didn’t think it would be a long term thing but it was so I left him at peace with that. Looking back I should’ve probably just said how I was feeling but my mindset was and still is if it’s meant for you it won’t pass you by. Then Covid struck and tbh years felt like months! It honestly ‘feels’ about 2 years since we were together not 5! I think a lot of people agree on this re covid? Maybe that makes it a bit tougher. I was also in the mind frame oh well if he broke up with her over a year ago he’s either still loving single life or maybe seeing someone. As for his socials, he is not a big user, likes the odd thing but doesn’t post himself. Used to all the time when he was with me but that went out the window then tbh for whatever reason.

Of course!!!

I think it’s worth a text or something along the lines of ‘heard x song or watched x film today and I thought of you. Hope all is ok. Would be nice to hear how you’re doing, but only if you are allowed 🤣’ kind of thing.

If he ignores you, let it lie.

The reason being that you dumped him…

Please don’t think there’s anything more to it than that!

If you want another shot with him, get in touch! If he’s with somebody now, so be it, but he might be single and he might be interested. You’ve nothing to lose.

This was me. Never got over them. They married someone else. I never did.
If they're not married, go and see if they want another try.

I get the feeling your at a cross roads and feeling a bit lost so thinking about him. Alot of people have that 'first proper love' that they will always have a fondness of. But you broke up for a reason so remember that and dont try to add further hurt to either of you
To put it in prospective, im happily married with two dd's. Married for 3 years and been together 8 years. My husband is my best friend. Im now 36. My 'first love' i was with from 17-21. I ran because he was 4 years older and ready to settle and i wasnt. He spoiled me, looking back i walked all over him and and im now embarrased in a way about how i behaved. But he also allowed me to behave like that. He did meet someone not long afterwards who he is still with and has children with, never met her but i can see from photos and what others have said, that we could be very simular. I often find it funny that they have never married, his family always made me feel never good enough ect. Whilst i dont no the reasons behind this, i could be arogant and say its because its not me. (Im not actually saying that) Ive had times where things have gone south in my life and wondered if i had stayed what would it be like. But ive grown up now, learnt from my mistakes and im happy and i hope hes happy. We have each other on social meadia and its nice to see how hes doing ect. But also, i know we are different people now and not each others 'the ones'.
If its meant to be for u then it will be. Just be careful what u wish for and try not to hurt him anymore. You will only hurt yourself if you fo this

I dated a guy for a couple of years when I was 16. I remember my mum saying I'd met him too soon.

I'm 52, twice married, dated many a guy since, but, yes, I think about the first guy. But with fondness and misty eyed nostalgia.

Was he the one who got away? Maybe. Who knows. If it was meant to be, then it will be. That's how I look at things now.

Take comfort in your life now, OP. Change the things that aren't right for you and learn to accept the things you can't change.

Definitely

My ‘one that got away’ went on to marry someone else. I never forgot him and mistook my youthful feelings for proof that he was my ‘destiny’. Years later he added me on facebook and we had a little chat to catch up, but I never confessed my true feelings because he was married. A couple of years later he died suddenly from a brain haemorrhage. He was in his 30s. It turned out that he’d been an alcoholic for years.

I only realised then that he was never my destiny. Just be careful. A lesson you learn with age is that strong feelings don’t necessarily have a deeper meaning. Sometimes they’re best left in the past.

Contact him! Otherwise you’ll always be wondering and never settle for anything else.

I was with my now fiancé back when I was a teenager, we were soul mates but the time wasn’t right and there was an age difference.

Almost 20 years later we reconnected. He contacted me and both agreed we had made a mistake and none of us had ever be 100% happy since making the call to go out separate ways.

We have now been together again for 5 years. We have 5 children between us and happy.

Please do it!

If he is with someone else then stay away. What’s the worst that can happen 😊.
X

But you said earlier that you'd texted him a few times, and nothing came of it.
Isn't this your answer?!

Not read everything in the thread but you say you’ve changed a lot in five years. Don’t you think he might have changed a lot too?

You are hankering after a fantasy guy now as the guy he was isn’t likely to exist in the form you are expecting. By all means reach out if you find out he is single but if you do, go slowly and treat it like two brand new people meeting for the first time. It will only lead to disappointment if you both try to be someone you used to be. You need to get to know him all over again. So just say hi, say you were thinking about him and would he like a drink for old times sake. For gods sake don’t come on all thick with “the one that got away” That one really did get away. The new version of you both might be more or less compatible than before.

You should absolutely find out but if he isn't single do not tell him and move on with your life.