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Original poster

Tell the new gf that my ex is a conman?

79 replies

RedditFinder · 05/08/2024 18:21

My ex fiancé cheated on me. I only found out afterwards when he’d got his new gf (he’d cheated on me with) pregnant. He tortured me for years, on again off again. Never letting me move on. Telling me he didn’t want any more children. She knows nothing about me, and there was no way I could track her down.

His mum refused to tell her, I guess so she’s still have access to the baby.

I also found out he’s been pretending to be a pilot, and lied to loads of companies he was contracting for. They’ve now investigated and terminated him. There’s even a small chance he’s done something criminal in signing off the airworthiness of a lot of planes.

I found out she’s pregnant again and is selling her house to buy a place with him. I don’t know how he’s going to afford it given he’s now a laughing stock in the aerospace sector.

I was today given her phone number.

Should I tell her?

OP posts:
DearDenimEagle · 09/08/2024 07:25

RedditFinder · 05/08/2024 18:21

My ex fiancé cheated on me. I only found out afterwards when he’d got his new gf (he’d cheated on me with) pregnant. He tortured me for years, on again off again. Never letting me move on. Telling me he didn’t want any more children. She knows nothing about me, and there was no way I could track her down.

His mum refused to tell her, I guess so she’s still have access to the baby.

I also found out he’s been pretending to be a pilot, and lied to loads of companies he was contracting for. They’ve now investigated and terminated him. There’s even a small chance he’s done something criminal in signing off the airworthiness of a lot of planes.

I found out she’s pregnant again and is selling her house to buy a place with him. I don’t know how he’s going to afford it given he’s now a laughing stock in the aerospace sector.

I was today given her phone number.

Should I tell her?

If he was pretending to be a pilot, why isn’t he in jail? That’s criminal in itself. It’s much more than being a laughing stock. Especially if he signed off on planes. That’s a huge issue. Lying about flying experience on a CV is fraud and they have to submit certificates to prove they have the licence and flying time completion certificates, which must be fraudulent. So if that’s what he did, she will find out

Cabbagepatchkid1 · 09/08/2024 07:57

Definitely do not message her. Stay out of the drama and allow yourself to move on and mentally recover from the relationship.

Blogswife · 09/08/2024 07:58

No ! Move on

merrywidow · 09/08/2024 08:09

My ex is a manipulative, lying, thieving piece of work. Various destroyed relationships in his past and he's the common denominator.

I hear on the grapevine he has a new woman - all I felt was sorry for her.

I will never contact her, nor anyone else who had a close connection with my ex.

I do this for my own mental health and safety - he said he would murder various people who'd displeased him if he found out he had a terminal illness ( for this reason I monitor his whereabouts from a distance )

Don't poke the bear!

Shinyandnew1 · 09/08/2024 08:14

I think he’s lied to become a chartered engineer

You think?

What actual proof do you have?

She probably has no idea that they’ve terminated their engagement.

Whose engagement?

Busynana2024 · 09/08/2024 08:18

You could! But would there be any point, hes obviously a pathological liar and would turn it around on you and convince her you are crazy!
Shes pregnant for the second time, I pity her situation but she obviously still has no idea!
Stay well out of it, hes out of your life, you are the fortunate one here!

MrKiplingsFrenchFancies · 09/08/2024 08:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Whiskeymalavodkaade · 09/08/2024 08:43

How on earth did he manage to lie his way into such prestigious institutions and careers? I’m not disbelieving you, genuinely interested as a professional who worked my ass off to become chartered I have no concept how anyone could fake it!!

I think for your own sanity, let go of this and don’t engage. I agree with other posters, you’ve finally been set free and speaking up could cause you lots more trouble in the future.

Toooldforthis36 · 09/08/2024 08:55

Leave it and get on with your life.

GalacticalFarce · 09/08/2024 08:58

Why does everyone say not to tell her. I would.
Wouldn't you like to know if you were in this situation?

Toooldforthis36 · 09/08/2024 09:03

GalacticalFarce · 09/08/2024 08:58

Why does everyone say not to tell her. I would.
Wouldn't you like to know if you were in this situation?

Because it seems very much like @RedditFinder ‘s motivation is revenge on the ex rather than altruism towards the new gf.

Catoo · 09/08/2024 09:11

GalacticalFarce · 09/08/2024 08:58

Why does everyone say not to tell her. I would.
Wouldn't you like to know if you were in this situation?

And because if you’ve any experience of this kind of thing you know how it can backfire spectacularly on the person doing the telling. You end up looking like a bitter ex, the woman you were ‘trying to help’ stays with him anyway and you did it all for nothing except a bit of extra hassle here and there if you bump into them oh and you can make a potentially dangerous man very angry.

DecoratingDiva · 09/08/2024 09:29

If you have actual evidence that he has committed fraud you need to take it to the police (or the BBC as they might actually do something with it) rather than telling the new girlfriend.

If she knows about you at all you will have been painted as the crazy ex who is stalking him and if she doesn’t know about you that is what he will now tell her you are and that is how you will appear to her.

I understand your desire to ruin him, I get why you want to tell her but she won’t listen and it will only work out badly for you.

DearDenimEagle · 09/08/2024 09:41

GalacticalFarce · 09/08/2024 08:58

Why does everyone say not to tell her. I would.
Wouldn't you like to know if you were in this situation?

One, it might bring retribution from him but mostly, he has probably already labelled all his exes as crazy, unreasonable women who want him back in their lives and then , if she’s in lurrvve , the woman will not believe her , partly because of the crazy label, and partly because , he’s convinced her he’s the man of her dreams, he will lie, she will believe, and everything will be different with her because they are perfect for each other.
The op needs to get him out of her head..the best revenge is to live a happy life without him. Revenge of the type she wants never works out the way one hopes it will.

CosyLemur · 09/08/2024 10:04

If he's lied about the things you say he has then the police need to be involved - tell them and let them handle it

SweetAmber · 09/08/2024 10:17

No . Unless there is a way you could do this anonymously with no comebacks .

SweetAmber · 09/08/2024 10:21

You say you want to see him suffer , so this really is about revenge, not concern for the other woman . He will suffer eventually as everything will catch up with him . I would stay out of it and look to your own future.

Swiftie1878 · 09/08/2024 12:14

Some of the professional lies sound quite serious. I would be minded to contact the police if you’re worried about the safety of people from decisions he has taken. Let them know the names of companies he says he’s worked for and leave it to them.

As for the new gf - mind your own business. You won’t be thanked and it won’t reflect well on your character to create mayhem. You’ll just appear bitter and twisted.

NoThanksymm · 09/08/2024 16:44

I’d see about a meet up. Maybe casually drop you used to date a guy but the same name, but her man sounds great, yours did all these things. At least plant the seed.

id give her everything though. In very non confrontational terms! Hey, I’m going to tell you his work and financial lies, you can confirm them with these numbers, but these are the company names if you want to find contracts yourself.

she should get to know that at least!! Moving in and having a baby with someone, that’s all huge!!! And this could financially cripple her for life. She probably already has a spidey sense tingling, so at least you tried to save her, and she has information to act on.

tell all the big confirmable facts! Keep your relationship out of it. If she brings it up and he freaks out about you being ‘crazy’ or a liar, well you never said anything bad about him as a person. Yes disclose you used to date, but don’t make that a focus.

AlwaysSometimesRarelyNever · 09/08/2024 19:49

These Walter Mitty characters seem to have the power to suck you back in.

You don't want to invite him back into your life, and contacting his partner, and even posting about him here in a fairly identifying way is inviting him back again.

I went no contact on a boyfriend who was a compulsive liar and cheat and it is the best thing I did.

Nothanks17 · 09/08/2024 20:06

I don't understand the comments saying not to tell the girl. Even if she doesn't believe it, wouldn't you want to be informed if you were in the situation yourself. I think it has to come from a place of wanting to help someone by insuring they are informed and able to make a decision, not out of spite re. being a conman.

I know a friend that has been through a terrible experience with a conman who coerced her and she lives with scars but one thing that has got her through is the friendships made with the girls who suffered at the hands of that man, and shared far and wide to help others avoid him. Obviously theres not loads of information given about this fellow

AngelusBell · 09/08/2024 20:07

I was in a similar situation years ago (not a conman but an annoying drunk - almost nightly early hours drunken phone calls) and didn’t tell the next girlfriend, an old friend from school. I liked her but thought she would see me as a jealous ex (I wasn’t.) After they broke up she said, “thanks for warning me” - I just said I didn’t think she’d believe me if I had warned her. It is a genuine dilemma. If you have links to news stories don’t send them from your own phone because there’s every chance you could get a harassment warning. Perhaps he’s changed 🙄

Poddledoddle · 09/08/2024 20:23

Wtf is with all the dont tell her comments. If she doesn't believe you thats on her, but you've warned her. Would you not have wanted to know and be told? You know the right thing to do.

AngelusBell · 09/08/2024 21:02

Poddledoddle · 09/08/2024 20:23

Wtf is with all the dont tell her comments. If she doesn't believe you thats on her, but you've warned her. Would you not have wanted to know and be told? You know the right thing to do.

I tend to agree, I’d want to know before moving in with a fake pilot, having a child and ending up with the house repossessed. It doesn’t really matter if the motive is revenge, the new partner deserves to know what the risks are - but the OP needs to do this without risk to herself and with evidence.

Welshmonster · 09/08/2024 23:25

Can you report him to police for fraud if he’s done all of these things. Imagine if people died.

for the other stuff

not your circus

not your monkeys.