Need to make a decision, partner eats with mouth open

[Misha1998]

To start, me and my partner have an overall great relationship and his eating is not something I'm going to break up over.

I am very sensitive to certain sounds bothering me, the sound of chewing and gulping being the ones I am exposed to on a daily basis and therfore are my main issue!

My partner eats with his mouth open and the sound of him churning food round his mouth I find disgusting and off putting, he always has since I've know him. I've told him it bothers me multiple times and he sometimes closes his mouth but mostly continues as he is and seems to be doing it even more (every single meal) recently including doing it extra noisy over the top when sharing food with our daughter (1yo). When I asked him not to then he said I'm ruining his fun/bonding with her.

His overall view, and normal response to me asking him to close his mouth, is to say that I've got an issue and need to go to a therapist, that eating like this is how you enjoy food, that I don't understand food enjoyment/culture (I cook our evening meals and love food!), I don't enjoy food as much as him, etc etc and he can be an incredibly defensive and combative person in general.l

Strangely enough it doesn't bother me at all when my daughter eats with her mouth open. However I have visions of family meals in 15 years time where our kids and my partner are all eating mouth open and I simply won't be able to enjoy my meal at all and no one will listen to me. As it is I find eating with my partner means eating with a backdrop of feeling tense and stressed and I love and want to bond with him but I also prefer to eat separately most of the time and eat in peace and relax.

I don't want to create a culture of everyone in the family eating with mouth open and so I feel I need to not encourage it with my daughter but I don't want it to be a mam v dad issue. Nor do I want to pass my sensitivities into my children. So I need to decide what approach to take with her.

For context also. My partner is similarly sensitive to smells and textures. I cannot wear fleece and other materials, use perfume or scented hair/wash products, he really doesn't like certain spices and ingredients in cooking. I avoid all these things he is extra sensitive to. This includes, since meeting him, stopping using hair or skin products that really worked for me, clothes i used to like wearing and a perfume I used to wear too. I am limited in the washing powder or bed sheets (material) I can buy, amongst other things. I think part of me feels that I make space for him more than he does for me in this way. I'm the more ready going of the two of us, I'm sure he would agree, and am not a nagging partner, eating noises are almost the only thing I ask him not to do.

What do you do in my situation?

I wouldn’t sit at the same table as him tbh. You’ve told him how disgusted you are, he’s clearly not listening yet he thinks it’s ok that you’re making allowances? Why is your bar so low? Why would you put up with someone dictating to you? Stop bending over backwards to please him is the answer and see how he likes it.

Use all the spices you like and all the hair products too. Wear fleece.

He can suck it up.

Does he eat like a pig at a trougb when he's trying to impress people?

It's being an arse. He has the same issue but with texture and you facilitate it. He doesn't have the decency to so the same- have you pointed that out, blatantly? That you no longer wear certain clothes or smells for his comfort. My knee jerk response was wear and smell what you like, but that's juts childish- and doesn't actually adress the issue. He is being utterly selfish and I hope he can realise it

Ugh I'm with you, this is appalling behaviour for an adult. Is it possible he has a deviated septum /nasal breathing issue causing this - in which case he could get it operated on so he physically can comfortably eat with mouth closed? Or is he just an uncivilised arse?

I hate this too op. I would spray perfume and wear fleece and if he moans simply say "I thought we weren't paying any attention to each other's sensory needs anymore" and if he is puzzled explain it to him like he's your toddler.

He’s a prick. Why are you bending over backwards for him when he can’t even eat properly. The way he puts you down is horrible. No adults want to eat with someone who eats with their mouth open, it’s gross

I would eat with my DD and let him eat alone later or earlier. You accommodate all his sensory issues but he can’t even be bothered to consider your needs.

I would also stop eating with him. It is absolutely disgusting. Tbh, I would not have dated him and could never have sex with him becaI have misophonia and this would prevent me from finding him remotely attractive.

I would also want to stop any child of mine eating with him. He is teaching her. Weirdly, my dc did not annoy when v young. It kicked I around 7/8 though and I do not accept poor manners at our table from anyone.

He can 100% control how he eats, he just cannot be arsed to. Deal breaker for me.

Someone eating with their mouth open is horrid. Maybe be really frank with him and tell him it's disgusting and you can't bear eating with him anymore? - given he hasn't tried to change, from the sound of it.

You'll be doing him a big favour - and anyone else who has to eat with him!

I agree with pp he’s massively disrespectful and it seems the obvious thing to do is stop respecting his sensory issues to make a point. If he says anything of course you can just explain the double standards. OR sit down with him and have a serious talk about how you’ve adjusted the way you do things for him but he hasn’t for you and ask him to justify how it’s fair.

I’m sorry but it doesn’t sound as if he cares about you much and he clearly thinks he more important than you.

ETA:

mostly continues as he is and seems to be doing it even more (every single meal) recently including doing it extra noisy over the top when sharing food with our daughter (1yo). When I asked him not to then he said I'm ruining his fun/bonding with her.

I just noticed this bit. Nah he’s actually doing it deliberately and he’s purposefully training your child to do it as well. So when your child is old enough to know you don’t like it they can both do it together to wind you up. You need to nip this in the bud.

He is a disgusting pig... Eating with his mouth open is revolting. It's bad enough to hear the chewing but to see it too....no...it is absolutely reasonable grounds for divorce. I mean imagine going for dinner with friends and family... trust me... they are all going home talking about how revolting he is.

I could not stay with anyone who ate like this. You can put music on to cover up the chewing noises but unless you plan on blindfolds I can't see a solution for the open mouth. Oh my god, even thinking about it is making me want to vomit.

For context also. My partner is similarly sensitive to smells and textures. I cannot wear fleece and other materials, use perfume or scented hair/wash products, he really doesn't like certain spices and ingredients in cooking. I avoid all these things he is extra sensitive to. This includes, since meeting him, stopping using hair or skin products that really worked for me, clothes i used to like wearing and a perfume I used to wear too. I am limited in the washing powder or bed sheets (material) I can buy, amongst other things.

Why do you agree to all his rules while he doesn't try to stop his horrible eating habits?

LTB

He has the same issue but with texture and you facilitate it. He doesn't have the decency to so the same- have you pointed that out, blatantly?

That. And if you have, I'd love to know what his reasoning is for ignoring your needs when you go to such lengths to accommodate his.

As for your DD, you tell him that as a parent you're responsible for her learning acceptable social behaviour, and that you're not prepared for him to disadvantage her. So you WILL be teaching her to close her mouth when she eats.

People eating with their mouths open is disgusting and considered bad manners. You don't want your DD to learn this or it will affect her socially.

I wouldn't go out of my way to accommodate his sensitivities. He clearly doesn't care about yours (or just having ordinary good manners).

I'd have worked this out before having a baby with him for starters.

it is incredibly rude to eat with your mouth open, it's NOT how everyone enjoys food.

Go back to using the products you enjoy using wearing & everytime he complains, tell him to see a therapist and this is what everyone enjoys.

Dont let your DD start to eat like him, when she gets a bit older, start telling her she needs to close her mouth when eating as it's rude not to.
But frankly I wouldn't put up with him treating me like that, so I'd tell him quite seriously he fucking well stops that or he'll find himself divorced.

This.

I mean, how did you ever get past the first couple of dates?

My stomach is churning just thinking about it.

I cannot abide people who cannot eat properly. It makes me retch.

My ex fil is like this. And he sprays his food. Foul.

And you're compromising on what you wear, what you use to wash clothes and bedlinen?

This sounds shit. Sorry but you're just not compatible.

He sounds revolting. What sort of a functioning adult eats with his mouth wide open?

I cannot wear fleece and other materials, use perfume or scented hair/wash products, he really doesn't like certain spices and ingredients in cooking. I avoid all these things he is extra sensitive to. This includes, since meeting him, stopping using hair or skin products that really worked for me, clothes i used to like wearing and a perfume I used to wear too. I am limited in the washing powder or bed sheets (material) I can buy, amongst other things

As for this, he can fuck right off.

My df eats with his mouth open. When I visit I dread mealtimes.
It's truly disgusting.

My ex did this. He said he could only taste the food with the air going in. Funnily enough he managed to keep his mouth shut and enjoy the food when in company he wanted to impress. Like your partner @Misha1998 he was controlling too.

You say you don't mind it in your daughter but, having watched a 19 year old last week eat their lunch with their mouth open, I'd nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Use that hair product, don't mention it, see if he actually notices. It's often things that improve how we look or feel about ourselves or that give us pleasure that they don't like us using.

Google how to stop, it's more about educating children basic manners but is clearly unacceptable in any circumstance.
Someone else said eat separately and as you have told him what you feel about it and he won't stop I would eat away from him and explain why. Tell him you'll come back once he learns.

He sounds horrible. I'm sorry, OP.

This would actually be a deal-breaker for me. His lack of care and consideration is chilling.

You don't sound compatible at all. Surely you don't what to spend the rest of your life needling away at each other.