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Original poster

Need to make a decision, partner eats with mouth open

76 replies

Misha1998 · 03/08/2024 00:06

To start, me and my partner have an overall great relationship and his eating is not something I'm going to break up over.

I am very sensitive to certain sounds bothering me, the sound of chewing and gulping being the ones I am exposed to on a daily basis and therfore are my main issue!

My partner eats with his mouth open and the sound of him churning food round his mouth I find disgusting and off putting, he always has since I've know him. I've told him it bothers me multiple times and he sometimes closes his mouth but mostly continues as he is and seems to be doing it even more (every single meal) recently including doing it extra noisy over the top when sharing food with our daughter (1yo). When I asked him not to then he said I'm ruining his fun/bonding with her.

His overall view, and normal response to me asking him to close his mouth, is to say that I've got an issue and need to go to a therapist, that eating like this is how you enjoy food, that I don't understand food enjoyment/culture (I cook our evening meals and love food!), I don't enjoy food as much as him, etc etc and he can be an incredibly defensive and combative person in general.l

Strangely enough it doesn't bother me at all when my daughter eats with her mouth open. However I have visions of family meals in 15 years time where our kids and my partner are all eating mouth open and I simply won't be able to enjoy my meal at all and no one will listen to me. As it is I find eating with my partner means eating with a backdrop of feeling tense and stressed and I love and want to bond with him but I also prefer to eat separately most of the time and eat in peace and relax.

I don't want to create a culture of everyone in the family eating with mouth open and so I feel I need to not encourage it with my daughter but I don't want it to be a mam v dad issue. Nor do I want to pass my sensitivities into my children. So I need to decide what approach to take with her.

For context also. My partner is similarly sensitive to smells and textures. I cannot wear fleece and other materials, use perfume or scented hair/wash products, he really doesn't like certain spices and ingredients in cooking. I avoid all these things he is extra sensitive to. This includes, since meeting him, stopping using hair or skin products that really worked for me, clothes i used to like wearing and a perfume I used to wear too. I am limited in the washing powder or bed sheets (material) I can buy, amongst other things. I think part of me feels that I make space for him more than he does for me in this way. I'm the more ready going of the two of us, I'm sure he would agree, and am not a nagging partner, eating noises are almost the only thing I ask him not to do.

What do you do in my situation?

OP posts:
WillLiveLife · 03/08/2024 08:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TheRestIsEntertainment · 03/08/2024 08:07

God I wouldn't have made it past the first date?! How have you put up with this! I'd eat separately from him and I'd use the skincare I liked.

DHs family all eat with their mouths open and smack their lips and it is UNBEARABLE. I'm training my children out of it with every last beat of my heart.

wippandzipp · 03/08/2024 08:14

Good manners cost nothing as the saying goes. They are more than just social norms and are a sign of maturity, self-control, and respect for others. You compromise for him, but he is not willing to listen to you and respect your wishes. You need to keep telling him why it is not acceptable to you. Just don't back down.

velvetcoat · 03/08/2024 08:16

Use all the spices you like and all the hair products too. Wear fleece

This. I wouldnt be tiptoeing around someone else's preferences if they showed zero regard for mine.

Fuck that. I also wouldnt be eating with him, ever. Eating with your mouth open is revolting behaviour. Its not difficult not to do it FGS

quockerwodger · 03/08/2024 08:20

What would I do?

Hmm let me see.

I've told him it bothers me multiple times
Yet he still does it.

Weird right.

You know, every time he does it after you've asked him multiple times not to, scream
"Fuck you" as loud as you can.
Every. Single. Time.

Sounds weird and crazy right?
Who would do that? Who would shout "fuck you" at their partner?

Well, that's what hes doing to you.
You've asked him not to do something you find disturbing, he's said fuck you.
Every time he does it, he's repeating fuck you.

Why would I do?
I wouldn't live or be with someone screaming "fuck you" at me.

Narwhal23456 · 03/08/2024 08:22

Bubblesandcakes · 03/08/2024 01:02

I agree with pp he’s massively disrespectful and it seems the obvious thing to do is stop respecting his sensory issues to make a point. If he says anything of course you can just explain the double standards. OR sit down with him and have a serious talk about how you’ve adjusted the way you do things for him but he hasn’t for you and ask him to justify how it’s fair.

I’m sorry but it doesn’t sound as if he cares about you much and he clearly thinks he more important than you.

ETA:

mostly continues as he is and seems to be doing it even more (every single meal) recently including doing it extra noisy over the top when sharing food with our daughter (1yo). When I asked him not to then he said I'm ruining his fun/bonding with her.

I just noticed this bit. Nah he’s actually doing it deliberately and he’s purposefully training your child to do it as well. So when your child is old enough to know you don’t like it they can both do it together to wind you up. You need to nip this in the bud.

Edited

This, its very disrespectful unless a medical reason for it.

Does he wat like that, when out for meals. With friends and family or at work op?

Narwhal23456 · 03/08/2024 08:24

velvetcoat · 03/08/2024 08:16

Use all the spices you like and all the hair products too. Wear fleece

This. I wouldnt be tiptoeing around someone else's preferences if they showed zero regard for mine.

Fuck that. I also wouldnt be eating with him, ever. Eating with your mouth open is revolting behaviour. Its not difficult not to do it FGS

This.

It's very simple basic manners taught from a young age, across centuries jn countries across the world.

It's something I would find so annoying I'd end up leaving over eventually. Like another poster said... its like saying f you.

FlipFlops4Me · 03/08/2024 08:27

When first married my Dsis found out that my ex-BIL ate like that in his own home. (Not when out). She refused point blank to eat in the same room as him until he ate with his mouth closed. It took 18 months but in the end he had decent table manners.

I don't think I could eat at the same table as someone eating with their mouth open, churning their food, gulping and slurping. Just writing that down revolted me and I realise that I don't think I could actually love someone who knew their eating habits revolted me, could change but refused to do so. How are you staying???

Wwhatnow · 03/08/2024 08:29

How did you even get past the first date with this person?! I’ve dumped men for far less eg putting knife in mouth. It’s basic table manners.

If you still want to stay with him insist he eats separately, and don’t let your daughter pick up his bad habits!

I once worked with a guy who ate with his mouth open, it was revolting! He’d sit at his desk beside me and try and talk about work issues whilst eating his lunch, and continue even when I pushed my chair back and tried to look away. Some people are completely oblivious to their impact on others with their rude and disrespectful habits!

olympicsrock · 03/08/2024 08:29

This is a him issue not a you issue. Most people find it revolting to see someone eating with their mouth open.
It is appalling for him to teach your daughter to do this. He needs to appreciate he has a problem and try very hard to eat with his mouth shut.
There is no other acceptable outcome to this.

Show him this thread.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 03/08/2024 08:32

Your partner is a controlling arsehole.

Why are you in a relationship with someone who thinks he gets to tell you what toiletries you can use and what clothes you can wear?

Sitdownrosa · 03/08/2024 08:33

How did you get to the point you had a kid with him when you're so incompatible? He's disgusting.

I suffer with misophonia too, but my dh tries to minimise the impact on me and i take responsibility too, such as eating in different rooms or if he's eating something that bothers me I'll leave the room. But if he was deliberately chewing with his mouth open, we wouldn't have got past date number 2.

If he's not willing to fix this, and you're not willing to leave, then id be using all the products that you're not currently allowed to use because why should you change if he's not going to?

BlastedPimples · 03/08/2024 08:34

I don't have monophonia but foul table manners make me feel ill

BlastedPimples · 03/08/2024 08:34

Misophonia

Narwhal23456 · 03/08/2024 08:37

Is he really that allergic to toiletries you enjoy using?

Or is it just a preference

wippandzipp · 03/08/2024 08:45

I've commented what I think you should do.
It does make me laugh when people say leave him. Please don't do that, or it will be someone else's problem (another post from new partner in a years time, same issue) plus he still eat like this in front of your daughter forever. He will take it personally when you say this, the fragrant stuff really isn't a personal attack, which makes it more difficult to resolve. Just say it's not personal, it is just being respectful and if you can't do that, we really do have an issue.

CantBelieveNaive · 03/08/2024 08:50

It's called having table manners and he has none. He is behaving like an animal and needs to stop now. Is he 5? Pathetic human.
You have bent backwards and he is stubbornly walking all over you with no love or respect.
Do the same back. Wear your fave fleece, skin care and other products and disregard him like he does you.
Disgusting behaviour. Ask him is he a pig? 🐷 well if not, stop behaving like one!

LittleLittleRex · 03/08/2024 08:51

You avoiding fleece and scents is not the same as you are cutting out normal things and he is refusing to cut out revolting things.

I think you should eat with DD and have him eat separately, which will be easier if you are home earlier. When he says it's bonding with her and you're ruining it, you can point out that he's the one ruining it, by encouraging gross manners and not actually parenting her in a way that will help her in the world.

Point out it's disrespectful to you, over a d over again until he gets it.

Marseillaise · 03/08/2024 08:52

His overall view, and normal response to me asking him to close his mouth, is to say that I've got an issue and need to go to a therapist, that eating like this is how you enjoy food,

Tell him to look around when you're in a restaurant and observe the fact that other people are managing to enjoy food just fine with their mouths closed.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 03/08/2024 08:56

We used to call it "cement mixer mouth" and call out when one of the kids were doing it.

They are grown now and still say the same thing.

Tell him it's disgusting watching his food go round like a cement mixer and to close his mouth.

Yuk

spikeandbuffy · 03/08/2024 09:13

Oh bollocks to that
Perfume/scented body stuff is one of my fave things and I hate eating noises
I would have shoved him out the door

KerChingo · 03/08/2024 09:19

Start wearing that perfume again
Start wearing fleece again
Start using that washing powder again

When he complains, say your daughter likes it and it's a nice bond to have with her

PS don't sit at the table with him when he eats

jen337 · 03/08/2024 09:19

What a prick. Go back to wearing fleeces and using moisturisers and tell him to get therapy for his issue and how he doesn’t understand comfort and good skincare. Arsehole.

NorthernSpirit · 03/08/2024 09:23

I would find this absolutely revolting. He lacks table manners and respect for anyone around him who has to view him eating. All of these things are social norms, demonstrate a sign of maturity, self-control, and respect for others.

I can’t abide eating food with hands (the amount of grown adults I see doing this in restaurants astonishes me), shovelling food into your mouth with a fork like an animal or eating with your mouth open.

If he couldn’t modify his eating habits to the basic level adults are expected to do - then it would be an absolute no from me.

Howtobekind · 03/08/2024 09:30

My sympathies- my ex used to chomp through his food with his mouth wide open. I did tell him, he’d stop for 10 seconds and then start again. Ingrained habit and his mum never told him as a kid - but he could have tried harder. It wasn’t what caused the relationship to fail, but I don’t miss it one little bit! (Every cloud etc!!)