AIBU? friend cat-sitting having people to stay in our house...

[Onemoretimeround]

So I don't know if I'm being a bit uptight here.

A friend sometimes - like, once a year - catsits when we're away. We were away last weekend and she did so then, and we get notifications when people are at the door as we've ring cameras. We can see that over three nights she had two people to stay - not people we know well, I recognised one as a girl we know and another as her brother. It's fine but she never said a thing about other people staying in our house. She's quite an elusive, secretive character - big high flier in London who does drugs with lots of people (but also holds down a hugely responsible job somehow).

Is it ok to have people stay over and not say anything in these circumstances?

AIBU?

A paid cat sitter I would say wrong a friend doing you a favour not wrong

I think it's wrong of her not to ask.

Not ok and i would be pissed! Favour or not that is your home and she has no right to invite randoms over without asking you.
Does the cat need staying with? I have a lady come and feed mine and sort the litter every day, she's great and that's her job, she stays around an hour to fuss and brush the cat, brings in the bin if needed and puts the mail on the table for us.

So basically a druggie has been staying in your home?
nice...

I wouldn't even like them turning up for ten minutes.

I don't like people I don't know very well coming into my home.

Are you paying her ?

@Redshoeblueshoe no, she likes doing it and house/cat sits for lots of people - doesn't own/rent anywhere and stays in a friend's flat otherwise. I don't think she wants to be tied down and has never bought, despite being an investment analyst and earning loads. I don't understand, but her business.

@Sunshineafterthehail you wouldn't know it. A high flier who's always switched on but yes, she does drugs. Her business and stay out of that.

A friend once had a party in our house when she was cat-sitting. We found out by accident and though disappointed (they broke an expensive glass that had been a wedding present and didn't replace it) we never said anything. It did change how I viewed them though. We were grateful for the cat sitting at the end of the day.

@NatureofSociety yes, I feel this way - won't say anything - just don't like that nothing was said, as feels strange not to just tell us. We wouldn't mind, but don't like the secrecy.

Your cat sitting friend had her brother over and this is an issue? Bit petty. Mentioning her drug taking is also petty. What relevance is that? You're making her sound really sketchy and if that's your view of her then don't ask her for a favour.

But you know she takes drugs and so it's pretty obvious that the people coming to your house are taking them, too. Why would you not say something? Is there really nobody better to look after your cat than a secretive, dysfunctional drugtaker?

@pingpongding fair (though it wasn't just her brother)

@MounjaroUser fair point, thanks - don't feel I would say something but just felt a bit uncomfortable about it but wasn't sure if that's my issue

@pingpongding I guess the relevance is I know she did drugs all weekend here as she did tell me that part - her business tho

I'd be really uncomfortable with this. Presumably you had made up a room with fresh bedding for her to sleep in while cat sitting? Where did her unexpected guests sleep? Presumably not in the same bed as her... so which bed(s) will you be crawling into when you get home without realising they've been used by a stranger?

Yuck.

At the end of the day, if she's doing you a favour, having guests while she's there isn't unreasonable.

But she should definitely have checked with you first.

Also not super keen on the drug thing, but I guess I drink alcohol in my house and I wouldn't mind a house sitter having some wine or beer while they were staying. So I am probably unreasonable for having an issue with the drugs. Depends on their effect, I guess - can the sitter keep your house and cats and possessions safe while on drugs? Would she be more likely to turn on the gas, forget she's done it and then light a cigarette, for example? I'd never complain about someone drinking in my house, but getting so pissed that you accidentally set the house on fire or leave the front door wide open overnight would be very much NOT OK.

@BlibBlabBlob summarises my feelings. Yes, both beds (we have one spare room) will have been used. As we saw on our security cams that guests stayed we've changed both lots of sheets now as both been used. But feels a bit urgh. I don't mind just wanted to know!

What I'd be thinking is why wouldn't she just check it's ok with you?

You trust her obviously as you are giving her access to your home and with looking after your cat. To me that trust would be broken if others were invited to stay and she hasn't said anything. It's just manners to do so.

The drug taking is a red herring in that you know this about her and accept it's part of who she is.

@notsureicandoitagain very wise, thank you. Nails it I think. It's a trust thing as don't get why she didn't say anything.

You seem remarkably laid back OP.
Doesn't her using drugs in your house, with your knowledge, make you complicit in an illegal activity?
And she mixes with fellow drug users and has them staying in your house? Sounds like an accident of some sort waiting to happen.
And she disrespects you to the extent of inviting people you don't really know to use your home without your knowledge.
Well you've only got yourself to blame when things go horribly wrong.
And if they are all off their faces with drugs what about the welfare of the poor cat.?
Doesn't seem very fair on your neighbours either.

Apart from anything else, not great for the poor cat to have random strangers traipsing in and out while its people are away.

It depends if you mind or not I suppose. If you're not happy, you should pay a cat sitter and not rely on her in future.

No more cat sitting for her then