AIBU? friend cat-sitting having people to stay in our house...

[Onemoretimeround]

So I don't know if I'm being a bit uptight here.

A friend sometimes - like, once a year - catsits when we're away. We were away last weekend and she did so then, and we get notifications when people are at the door as we've ring cameras. We can see that over three nights she had two people to stay - not people we know well, I recognised one as a girl we know and another as her brother. It's fine but she never said a thing about other people staying in our house. She's quite an elusive, secretive character - big high flier in London who does drugs with lots of people (but also holds down a hugely responsible job somehow).

Is it ok to have people stay over and not say anything in these circumstances?

AIBU?

I would have to say something about it, just casually ‘oh I saw X on the door bell visiting, I guess they stayed over night as it picked them up leaving’.

Personally, wouldn’t have them stay again. Also, wouldn’t want any drug use in my home. No idea what residues or things may be left behind (I have no idea on this as never been around drugs) but this would greatly concern me. Each to their own, but not in my home. Surely there is someone else you could ask/employ to do this?

Your friend has crossed a line, and I would be having stern words. I can't see how she thinks that was acceptable.

However, many many years ago, we asked a friend, who was living in a squat at the time, if she would live in our house for two weeks and look after the cats. She said yes. We left food for her and money to pay her travelling expenses to get to work.

We get back and there was no sign of her. We contacted her, and she said that she hadn't liked the commute to work, so had asked some other people to take over. These were complete strangers to us - people we'd never heard of, let alone met before and knew nothing about. They'd been living in our house for about 10 days.

We were lucky and had no damage or missing items, although we did acquire an orange globe off a Belisha beacon(!), but we never made that mistake again, and sent the cats to a cattery for future trips.

I think you need to find another solution for the cat in future. She’s taking the piss a bit.

You are happy with her doing drugs in your house (because she told you she’d be doing that) but you are not happy she had friends over who left no trace of themselves (because she didn’t tell you).

I wouldn’t be happy about either of these things and I fully understand your discomfort about the friends staying over but I don’t understand how you can worry about that but not care about the drug use.

You described her as secretive so why do you expect her to tell you when it seems perfectly in character for her not to?

Also, I’d guess she really must know that you know she had people over as you’ve a Ring doorbell, she must know how they work.

You’d be better paying someone to come in to see to the cat.

She sounds like an absolute liability. Clearly an addict, with a very chaotic lifestyle. I wouldn't even want someone like that knowing where I live, let alone staying there without me and caring for my beloved pets! What if she brings dealers to your house?

Pay someone and specify no visitors

She's crossed a line and that would be the last time she cat sat, or stayed in my house.

Just don’t ask her again to cat sit, I wouldn’t like the fact of other people in my house feels abit lack of respect to you to be honest

She lives rent free and mortgage free and has frequent weekends away with her mates in friends' houses 'cat sitting'?

Small wonder she has the money for what sounds like a serious drug habit.

No way would I let myself be used and the hard earned cash I pay for my own home exploited by someone like this.

We used to get my student friends, that I didnt know that well, who lived with parents to cat sit for us. Cats were senior and not used to empty house, plus we had spate of house buglaries.

House to themselves, free broadband, cable, phone, left money for a couple of takeaways and did a small shop before we left. Also closer to their work/college, so shorter commute.
My cousin and girlfriend stayed too.
They mentioned having friends over for a drink, fine. We wouldn't have known if they had someone stay the night as they swapped bedding out and pre- Ring cameras.

As long as everything's where it should be and the cat is safe and fed, it's fine.
If they are inside cats, I would really stress any guests must know to be really careful not to let them out by accident, or I will murder them if something happens.
Regular updates and cat pics a bonus.

Edit: just re read and seen she does drugs. 😬 I wouldn't have asked her in the first place.

She’s looking after your cat for free. She’s not even popping in for half an hour like most cat sitters, she’s actually staying with the cat 24/7 - a huge sacrifice

if you trust her to sleep in your house and look after your cat, surely she’s trusted enough to have a couple of chosen friends over. I understand she has dabbled in drugs, lots of people dabble and hold down responsible lives, most dont throw themselves into dependency and addiction. There’s a massive difference between smoking a bit of hash occasionally and having a heroin habit.

does drugs with lots of people
did drugs here all weekend

That doesn't sound like occasional dabbling to me.

She's probably using your house to deal from... and running some kind of feline county lines. You'll soon find out when you get back and notice that your cat is gone for long hours and returns carrying small white packets of powder that it is leaving in the hedge...

She's got a nice little grift cuckooing all her cat loving friends. Yup, a huge 'sacifice'.

She doesn't have her own place and pet and house sits all the time. So the ONLY way she can ever see friends is if they come to her, especially as due to having to look after house/pets she can't just go to theirs and crash at their house.

I'm not sure how you didn't see this coming?

As long as she didn't throw a party or have hoards of people over.

I would be deeply uncomfortable with people I hadn't invited or didn't know sleeping over at my house.

That isn't part of the agreement with your cat sitter, is it?

What if something goes missing or is broken?

It's just not on. It's your home, op. You don't have people you don't know in your home if you're not there.

I think it's really cheeky.

What type of drugs are we talking about here? What if she leaves them lying about while under the influence and the poor cat hats some?

You clearly don’t even like her but are still asking her for a favour she doesn’t get money for and presumably has to travel to your house for. The drug taking at your place definitely isn’t good, so I wouldn’t ask her to cat sit again.

Many bankers in London take cocaine. So I guess it would be cocaine/weed.

I wouldn't want someone on drugs staying in my house whilst I was away, with friends round.

I dog sat for a friend once, staying at their house as their dog was still a puppy really and needed someone there.

I rang my friend and asked if my mate could pop round for a cuppa. I wouldn't have invited anyone round without checking & if she had said no that would have been fine too

Your mate is out of order.

I wouldn't have someone like that in my house when I wasn't there.
All the things you've said about her would suggest that she would have people there.

I'd be annoyed at the drugs in my house.

I am assuming cocaine. So where did they put their lines out? On the kitchen counter etc?

Nah not on at all.

What did you expect would happen? Surely none of this is a surprise?

I would join a cat sitting site and use their service in the future. I'm with Trusted House Sitters and I've done lots of sittings. I would never invite people to the house without checking with the owners