Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

People who met someone and had a baby 35+

102 replies

LosingHope3 · 29/07/2024 18:17

I'm currently as single as can be. I have been unsuccessfully online dating for years, gets worse the older I get. I had relationships in my 20s which ended. I am approaching 35 and panicking I'm never going to have the opportunity to have a baby.

If anyone was single at 35, met someone and went on to have a first baby, can you please share your story here? Give me hope. I want to save the thread if I get some responses to look back on at times like today when I feel things look bleak and hopeless.

OP posts:
MissedItByThisMuch · 30/07/2024 03:01

Met DH at 35, had DS1 at nearly 38, DS2 at 39, DS3 at 41, (bonus, surprise) DS4 at 43. They are now all young adults.

Callmecynical · 30/07/2024 03:55

Lovely advice from @Gabitule which made me think that the best thing I did was actually to give up hope of ever meeting anyone.
Most of my 30s spent in a series of superficial relationships, comparing myself unfavourably with my friends who were getting on with family life. I realised I had to actually enjoy life on my own and put my efforts into being a good friend and making the most of opportunities to do the things I wanted. When I was 38 and no longer trying to find anyone, a lovely friend of a friend arrived in my life. We had our DD a couple of years later. I wish I’d met him years earlier but, in truth, I think I might not have been interested in him then or else my anxiety about getting together would have made him run for the hills.
As things happened, I got what I had hoped and I am happy but I had made my peace with the single life and it was fine too.

Claysta · 30/07/2024 05:02

I met DH at 35, got married at 38 and had DS at 39 and DD at 41.

worldwidetravel2017 · 30/07/2024 06:50

The person that posted re getting egg reserves checked - its tricky - because you can have high amh / high ovarian reserve - but not good quality eggs etc

pointlessopportunity · 30/07/2024 06:55

Yes me. I was single aged 35

I met my partner online at 36, we moved in together after a year and started trying for a baby straight away. Bought a house, had baby. It all fell into place

Boreoffwithyournakedpics · 30/07/2024 08:25

I spent 30 - 36 in a state of wild panic. I dated everyone who said hello to me and I became so overwhelmed with options, concerns, questions that I lost all sight of who or what I was looking for.

I got diagnosed with cancer on my womb. This slowed down life for a while and gave me a chance to reflect.

I took a long deep breath and decided to prioritise only doing things which made me happy. I went to a month long yoga and meditation retreat centre. When there I became flooded with a few realisations -

Everything changes all the time, there are no beginings, middles and ends during life.

We have very little control over anything but we can get in our own way.

I was definitely going to have a loving relationship again but when or what type was anybody's guess so there was no point stressing about it.

Some time after I came home, I went back to my dating profile and changed my attitude. The panic was gone. My life was already great so I was only considering people who fit in well - had a similar lifestyle in terms of health and fitness and interests.

I met DH two months later, we were living together and I was pregnant when I turned 40. Sometimes he says it's a shame we didn't meet younger but I don't agree - I was not ready.

BeachRide · 30/07/2024 11:03

VividQuoter · 29/07/2024 20:00

I am looking at the schoolgate mums. Majority of them look over 50. So apparently you have tons of time

Maybe they're just knackered?

Givemegoldensun · 30/07/2024 11:27

VividQuoter · 29/07/2024 20:00

I am looking at the schoolgate mums. Majority of them look over 50. So apparently you have tons of time

How unnecessarily bitchy. Twenty something yummy mummy?

VividQuoter · 30/07/2024 19:48

Givemegoldensun · 30/07/2024 11:27

How unnecessarily bitchy. Twenty something yummy mummy?

Show quote history

It is not bitchy. The mums in the school where we go, are all above 45 and some do look over 50 and might be. Some women have kids at 43 and then 45

if women find that bitchy, they you are all ageist to your own gender. LOL

I am glad when someone tells me I look my age.

Flirtyou · 18/08/2024 14:43

Met my DH on Wickedslam.xyz Dating when I was 30. After getting pregnant we decided to get married. Big mistake. Caught him cheating months after our wedding. I was gutted. Went into depression. Got a divorce at 33 but I'm good now and much stronger as a person.

PaintingSummerFlowers · 18/08/2024 23:39

Met DH at 33. Married at 35. Children at 36, 37 and 43 (a lovely surprise!). All natural conceptions.
35 is young these days - so enjoy your single life…as things can change very quickly! Xx

EeewDavid · 18/08/2024 23:48

Met DH week before I turned 35, married at 38, baby at 39. Hasn’t been easy, I’ve had six miscarriages and DH is hard work, but DS makes everything worth it :)

SunflowersMidwinter · 18/08/2024 23:48

Divorced an abusive partner a few weeks before my 35th birthday. Decided to date for fun but not consider anyone seriously until after my 36th birthday, but accidentally met a wonderful guy 4 months later, married 3 months after that and well, we're a few years in now and I'm a stay at home mum with a beautiful daughter and we want a second. 😊

patchworkbear · 19/08/2024 00:08

Had a huge back catalogue of medical conditions, including PCOS when I fell pregnant at 35 (first try after coming off the contraceptive pill and other medications). Fell pregnancy again 8 months later. Every person is different. Focus your energies on finding the right person or having your eggs frozen.

patchworkbear · 19/08/2024 00:08

Fell pregnant*

mondaytosunday · 19/08/2024 00:17

Met my husband through an introduction agency (not online) at 39. Married at 40, first kid at 41, second at 43.
He was divorced and had two teenagers. Fortunately he was happy to have more kids with me. The kids moved in with us too.

guinnesschocolatecake · 19/08/2024 00:22

Met DP at 34, started trying to conceive at 36, DC1 at 38. No issues getting pregnant at all, but a fair few difficulties staying pregnant. It has been tricky. We will likely stick with our one due to this.

Met him on a dating app. I focused while single on sorting out any baggage I was carrying, so once someone nice would come along I was mentally and emotionally ready.

Helbelle75 · 19/08/2024 08:24

I met my DH at 38, after having completely given up on online dating. We met at a mutual friend's party and he was living about 250 miles away.
A year later he'd moved to be with me, we bought a house and got married when I was 40, had our first DD when I was 41 and 2nd when I was 44.
I'm 49 now, and family life is amazing. I don't feel particularly older than anyone else at the school gate as having a 4 and 7 year old keeps you young I think!

lovemetomybones · 19/08/2024 15:37

I met my husband when I was 36, had a baby at 39. For me it wasn't easy, had lots of complications, miscarriages before hand- but it was possible!!! Please don't loose hope xx

Original poster
LosingHope3 · 25/08/2024 21:26

I'm back to this thread after spending my Bank Holiday Sunday doom swiping through all the terrible online dating options in my area. I am not picky in that I am looking for a model looking man, I am an average woman myself. But everyone is really not my type and the 5% I do come across I've liked the look of either already have kids or have that they don't want or are 'Not sure' if they want them on their profile.

Feeling low today

OP posts:
worldwidetravel2017 · 25/08/2024 21:31

LosingHope3 · 25/08/2024 21:26

I'm back to this thread after spending my Bank Holiday Sunday doom swiping through all the terrible online dating options in my area. I am not picky in that I am looking for a model looking man, I am an average woman myself. But everyone is really not my type and the 5% I do come across I've liked the look of either already have kids or have that they don't want or are 'Not sure' if they want them on their profile.

Feeling low today

Hey

Have you tried speed dating ?

Or have you tried going to a - slow dating - event? - google if you havent heard about them

Do you attend any sports groups or hobby groups or regular gym ? ( ie regular chances to maybe meet someone, )

worldwidetravel2017 · 25/08/2024 21:32

lovemetomybones · 19/08/2024 15:37

I met my husband when I was 36, had a baby at 39. For me it wasn't easy, had lots of complications, miscarriages before hand- but it was possible!!! Please don't loose hope xx

So sorry to hear of your losses

Im 37..
Had a miscarriage at 36.5

Your story gives me hope
Although i have pcos so that kinda complicates things

PurpleChrayn · 25/08/2024 21:34

I met DH when I was 36 and had just moved back to England after 10 years abroad.

I joined the synagogue in my city and met a lady who I became friends with. She introduced me to her son. We got on, and pretty quickly decided to get married. I was 38 when we married, and gave birth to DD exactly 9 months later when I was 39. Got pregnant with DS 18 months later, and he was born when I was 41. Currently trying for one last baby, age 43!

ToddlerMumma · 25/08/2024 21:42

Met my husband at 38, married at 40, DD1 at 41 and DD2 at 43. It can happen

Izzosaura · 25/08/2024 21:44

LosingHope3 · 25/08/2024 21:26

I'm back to this thread after spending my Bank Holiday Sunday doom swiping through all the terrible online dating options in my area. I am not picky in that I am looking for a model looking man, I am an average woman myself. But everyone is really not my type and the 5% I do come across I've liked the look of either already have kids or have that they don't want or are 'Not sure' if they want them on their profile.

Feeling low today

I'm sorry you're feeling low.

I remember how incredibly down I felt about all this a short while ago and if events hadn't worked out quite unexpectedly and randomly well I would no doubt be in the same position as you now.

I met my DH at 32 so admittedly a little younger than you. Before then I'd not dated anyone for years - had had some bad relationships in my 20s and been left with very low self-esteem and no confidence for even trying online dating. I was convinced I'd never meet anyone or have children.

For me the change in my life came from meeting someone through work. Crucailly though I changed my perception of what a good partner would be. The man I fell for already had children, which I'd previously have seen as a no no, but he had a positive coparentimg relationship with his ex-DW. He also didn't conform to what I was usually drawn to aesthetically but I just liked his personality, spent more time getting to know him and attraction grew. So it was only by being more flexible about what I was looking for that I found love.

We got together; I got pregnant unexpectedly early despite us using contraception and despite my having fertility issues that had made it hard for me to get pregnant when a previous partner and I were actively trying. I panicked a bit but partner was well up for it all and proposed a few months later. We now have a DC who is awesome, are married and DH is a wonderful dad, no doubt more so thanks to his past experience of raising kids.

In conclusion, there is hope, but it might take thinking outside the box (as well as luck of course. I can't deny the role of that).

Wishing you all the best for your own search as it is so bloody hard in the dating world - I hope you find someone who is s right for you.