People who met someone and had a baby 35+

[LosingHope3]

I'm currently as single as can be. I have been unsuccessfully online dating for years, gets worse the older I get. I had relationships in my 20s which ended. I am approaching 35 and panicking I'm never going to have the opportunity to have a baby.

If anyone was single at 35, met someone and went on to have a first baby, can you please share your story here? Give me hope. I want to save the thread if I get some responses to look back on at times like today when I feel things look bleak and hopeless.

I feel you you. I remember being in my mid thirties and watching Ashley Jensen in Extras (I think) one Xmas all alone in my flat, as was she. It was a sad scene and I just started crying thinking this is the way my life is going to be. Just me, by myself facing life alone. No one to champion me. No one to care about me. No kne to share the burden of life. anyway, that was my all time low and things did look up. My ex got back in touch (split at 30) and we sorted everything out with our mature heads on then got straight into baby making. I was 36 and I didn’t get pregnant until 38, which was very all consuming mentally as I became obsessed, but then went onto have surprise no.2 at 44 and a miscarriage in between. You don’t have to be positive all the time but do stay healthy and focused. I’m so grateful. Adore my kids and feel I have a wise head. It will happen, if you so desire.

Met DP age 38, moved in with him 39, conceived DS first try at 40.

I truly thought it would never happen for me. Wishing you every happiness OP

I was 34 when I met my exH. I had our DD at 37 and must admit that because I was an 'older' Mum, everyone thought I was younger than my actual age.

Divorced from first husband at 32. Met current husband age 38, moved in together after 10 months and found out I was pregnant one month later. Then found we were having twins at our first scan. Had them age 39. It absolutely can happen!

Froze my eggs before taking up a job in South America. Going to do IUI after years of just not wanting to settle. Sorry I know that is not the answer you are looking for but if you are really wanting a child don't hold out for someone to sweep you off your feet

A lady I worked with struggled to fall pregnant had IVF at 39. She found out she was expecting twins.

When her twins were less than a year old, she fell pregnant naturally - again with twins! And then another year later fell pregnant again though just 1 this time.

So after thinking at 39 and might never be a mum - by 44 she was a mum of 5

Met at 33, have been very happily married for 14 years and we have 4 children. I was aged 39, 40, 43 and 46 and they were all naturally conceived. My advice is to avoid dating sites, and stick to interest groups/sites. You never know who you'll meet.

This was exactly me - I remember reading so many Mumsnet threads on 'older' mums and doing the maths in my head of the ages to judge if they were an example I could take hope from or not. I hope you do find hope and encouragement from your thread and that you find your happiness in whatever form and timescale it comes.

I had a long-term relationship break down aged 29 and was then single for seven years, dipping in and out of online dating which mostly made me miserable (but so did being on my own and feeling left behind). I was living on my own aged 36 during the first lockdown when social interactions were shutting down for the foreseeable future and I thought that was it. Then I met my OH online and we both wanted a family very much (he had had previous losses and a marriage breakdown). He moved in after about a year and we had a baby last summer (aged 39). We're now debating trying for number two but whatever happens we both feel incredibly lucky to have our daughter - at various points we had both lost hope.

It's not that old!

Op, I know you’ve invited messages from women who met their DP at/after 35 - that’s not me so I hope you don’t mind me responding to your message, but I feel I could offer some words of advice.
When I was 35 the desire to meet someone to have a family with was all consuming. Unfortunately that meant that I made wrong choices with men in a desperate attempt to find someone before running out of time. I forgave things I shouldn’t have and made too many compromises. So obviously things didn’t go anywhere and I wasted my childbearing years.

My advice is to not waste time in ‘situationships’ or with men who are full of red flags. If things don’t feel right from early on or if the men you date are unsure about commitment or children, end things and start again. Bring up the children conversation early on. Don’t be afraid that the conversation will scare them off, you want someone who also wants children so you need to know early on if they do.

Try different hobbies, of course, but also persevere with online dating as it’s more time effective.

When I was 38 I gave up the hope that I’ll become a mother and I have accepted that not everyone gets everything they want in life. I just happen to fall in the category of people who don’t get to become mothers, and that’s ok. I am turning 43 soon and I’m genuinely happy. The anxiety of finding someone to have children with is gone and I am at peace. There’s no more incertitude about my future, I can make it whatever I want it to be (but without children). I finally enjoy dating without worrying that it’s not going to lead somewhere. I know I can meet someone at 43, 45, 50 or later, without any time pressure. It’s exciting. I have made new friends in the last 3 years, I invested more time in my hobby and discovered another hobby, and I spend a lot of time with my friends. I have a couple of girlfriends in their late 30s who are also single and they’re gracefully accepting that they’re not going to become mothers. It just requires a change of mindset but it can be achieved.

I have a friend in her early 40s who is looking at co-parenting. I know of others who had children by themselves. I also have a friend who got married in her mid 30s with a man she wasn’t really inlove with, but she wanted children so that was her compromise. She has 2 children now.

Give all these options some thought and see what feels right for you.

I do hope you find someone. It can happen tomorrow, next weekend, next month…you just never know. It all starts with one date

Excuse me, but why have you singled my post out? Are you missing the point of the thread or something? I was responding to the OP, and several other posters have had a similar age timeline to mine.

Met my DH when I was 36 after being single for years - I signed up for online dating (which was a new thing back then, so a bit scary) had a couple of ok dates but met DH 6 weeks later and that was it. We got married a year after we met, so married at 37. Our DS was born when I was 39. He's 16 now and DH and I are still happily married.

Split up with partner at 34 and was concerned about having kids. Did OLD and met DP at 36, planned pregnancies at 38 and 40. Friend who had been single for ages met a lovely guy at 37 through friends and they moved in after 6 months, engaged and planning babies.

2nd marriage aged 35 years.

Two children at 36 and 39.

Still happily married 32 years later 😊

Keep your chin up OP, enjoy life and see what happens

I got together with my husband when I was 38 after coming out of an 11 year relationship. My LTR ended when he had an affair. Got married at 39, our child was born when I was 41 following ivf. I already knew I needed ivf to conceive and my husband was very supportive (my ex absolutely wasn’t) and luckily for us our first go at ivf worked.
I had resigned myself to never having kids and didn’t have much hope that ivf would work but it did!
I am so happy with my little family, my husband is genuinely amazing and I love being a mum.

Oh and agree with the PP who said discuss kids early. I was very upfront about wanting kids and chatted about it on first couple of dates as wouldn't have wanted to pursue something with someone who wasn't also keen on DC

Lovely story

I was single between 32-38, met DP online the month after I turned 38. It took 3 rounds of IVF but we had a baby when I was 41. I loved being single and hadn’t planned any more children (I already had a son when we met) but DP was the best man I’d ever met and I wasn’t going to let him pass me by!

My time alone really taught me not to lower my standards because I was happy alone and knew that living with someone again would be a compromise in many ways. It was going to take someone special to make me willing to give up my single life.

Met DH at 36, DS1 at 39 and DS2+3 at just gone 41. Life is very different to my quiet single life with my cats 7 years ago

I joined an old fashioned (pre internet) introduction agency. After meeting several interesting men I finally met my husband. I was 39, never married, he was 43 and divorced.
We got married a year later and had two kids.

Hopefully to put your mind at rest, why not get your ovarian reserves checked? If it does say you don't have as long as you'd hoped left, you can make informed decisions. But could also be really good news and stop you worrying so much x

Met my now wife at 34, married at 38, DD born at 41 and DS at 43. Life is good. Plenty of time for you yet x

Don’t freeze your eggs. Such terrible advice.

@msmatcha look up some stats on the viability and success rates of frozen eggs before you start spouting off false hope to women.

it’s EMBRYOS you need to freeze.. not eggs.

Met at 36, married at 40.
Lost first baby, DS at 44.

@WorriedMama12 At 44, on one ovary? No, not planned. I nearly died of shock 😀

Nice shock, eventually.