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Original poster

Finding a new partner in your 50s. Can this work?

58 replies

NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 19:15

He: very sporty, into cycling (long distance racing), hiking, running, etc. Into gardening, early retired therefore well off. Widower with grown up children.

You: Due to a birth defect useless at sports, not that well off l but living a good life. Garden looks like a rewilding project. Single mum with a child at uni.

Living one hour away. Both home owners.

Similar values, sense of humor, and definitely attracted to each other.

Would this work? In younger times I would say no, but with the extremely reduced dating pool for this age range, is there a chance?

OP posts:
Howtobekind · 27/07/2024 19:18

Won't hurt to try - get to know each other and see where it goes, just have fun. Good luck!

Alwaystimeforacupoftea · 27/07/2024 19:20

Why not? Similar values, humour and so on are like gold dust, as is attraction. Having separate hobbies is fine. As the previous poster said, just start dating and see where you get, no need to make a decision til you both find out whether it works, it's certainly worth seeing what happens.

Ledeluge · 27/07/2024 19:21

A friend who hated cycling, similar match, now has an ebike and they are totally loved up. Give it a go!

Bustedpoon · 27/07/2024 19:21

Work in what sense? A permanent mid-distance relationship?

Loopytiles · 27/07/2024 19:22

the one hour apart could be a pain depending on your job.

sport, state of garden etc seems irrelevant.

CharlotteRumpling · 27/07/2024 19:25

Why ever not? Get him to do your garden.

PashaMinaMio · 27/07/2024 19:26

Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Go with the flow and see what happens.
What you got to lose?

Give it time but ….. don’t move in together for ages and ages yet. (For sure the question will come up!)

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2024 19:28

Why wouldn't it? What difference does it make what his hobbies are? I've literally never heard of anyone not going out with someone because their hobbies and gardening skills don't match.

MrsTartanTeacosy · 27/07/2024 19:29

Why wouldn’t it??? All of the things you mention are hardly insurmountable. Give it a go, you only live once.

Opentooffers · 27/07/2024 19:34

You could try it, but you might end up being a widow to his hobbies. That could suit if you don't want someone to be hanging around much. Depends what you chat about too, he could become a bore with it all as he's so into it.

rwalker · 27/07/2024 20:00

Sounds perfect I think it’s healthy to have different interests
only thing is don’t go out with someone who does long distance cycling then complain there out all day

given separate interests and the distance this isn’t going to be a relationship where your together 24/7

Wherearemymarbles · 27/07/2024 21:08

I dont think the sport stuff is an issue
Financially it depends whether further down the line the things he wants to do in retirement are hampered because you dont have the same resources up and he cant or doesnt want to subsidise you.

He might also not care about that.

Ethylred · 27/07/2024 21:13

Early retirement is a red flag.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2024 21:19

Ethylred · 27/07/2024 21:13

Early retirement is a red flag.

Why?

Ethylred · 27/07/2024 21:25

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2024 21:19

Why?

Show quote history

Because it is giving up. Never ever give up.

Yankeescot · 27/07/2024 21:35

I think a lot depends on how you like to spend leisure time, OP.

I'm also a very keen long distance runner and cyclist. I enter long (really long)distance races and training takes up a massive amount of time. He's retired so can train a lot during the week while you're working, which is great. If he belongs to a group I imagine they do group trainings on weekends as most still work. If you enjoy long lie ins on the weekends, this is very unlikely to happen much, if at all with him. Most of us tend to wake up at oh christ:30 and are up and out the door to train. I can't imagine laying in bed until even 6am! Consequently, we all go to bed quite early-ish. I've been at it since 27 and am 58 now so it won't change until my body says. I can only realistically have a partner that would be incredibly understanding or someone into the same long distance racing I do. If you're not into it, it would take a lot of understanding on your part. And that could get tiresome.

Do you know what his weekend routine is?

CharlotteRumpling · 27/07/2024 21:37

Ethylred · 27/07/2024 21:25

Because it is giving up. Never ever give up.

Show quote history

🙄He seems to have plenty to do.

Original poster
NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 22:27

Yankeescot · 27/07/2024 21:35

I think a lot depends on how you like to spend leisure time, OP.

I'm also a very keen long distance runner and cyclist. I enter long (really long)distance races and training takes up a massive amount of time. He's retired so can train a lot during the week while you're working, which is great. If he belongs to a group I imagine they do group trainings on weekends as most still work. If you enjoy long lie ins on the weekends, this is very unlikely to happen much, if at all with him. Most of us tend to wake up at oh christ:30 and are up and out the door to train. I can't imagine laying in bed until even 6am! Consequently, we all go to bed quite early-ish. I've been at it since 27 and am 58 now so it won't change until my body says. I can only realistically have a partner that would be incredibly understanding or someone into the same long distance racing I do. If you're not into it, it would take a lot of understanding on your part. And that could get tiresome.

Do you know what his weekend routine is?

You got it down to a tee. He is into long distance, in events on weekends and falling asleep just after 10.

I find the falling asleep early a bit off as I am a night owl so that’s when the nice conversations happen but I totally understand why he is so tired.

The sport is such a big part of his life I wouldn’t like to hold him back due to my limitations.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 22:30

Opentooffers · 27/07/2024 19:34

You could try it, but you might end up being a widow to his hobbies. That could suit if you don't want someone to be hanging around much. Depends what you chat about too, he could become a bore with it all as he's so into it.

Frankly, I wouldn’t mind being the widow of his hobbies as that would give me time to do my own stuff but, I was just talking to him and he has just mentioned that is planing to go away for a month. That’s another kettle of fish.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 22:32

Ethylred · 27/07/2024 21:25

Because it is giving up. Never ever give up.

Show quote history

Frankly, he doesn’t seem like a quitter, he is quite ambitious and full of projects. I bet he won’t stay retired for long. It is evident he enjoys a good challenge.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 27/07/2024 22:39

ould this work? In younger times I would say no, but with the extremely reduced dating pool for this age range, is there a chance?

If I was on the other side of that quote, I wouldn't be very impressed. Don't date him because of the "extremely reduced dating pool.".. date him cus you like him

He may well just be too busy for a relationship tho...

Yankeescot · 27/07/2024 23:04

NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 22:27

You got it down to a tee. He is into long distance, in events on weekends and falling asleep just after 10.

I find the falling asleep early a bit off as I am a night owl so that’s when the nice conversations happen but I totally understand why he is so tired.

The sport is such a big part of his life I wouldn’t like to hold him back due to my limitations.

Show quote history

I wanted to give you perspective from the other side so you can make informed decisions. If you're a night owl, that's a big consideration. Because by nature of his interests, he's not. And won't turn into one. So in future if you end up out late, he's in bed late, he's going to miss training, feel physically awful and be a grumpy trousers the next day. It really comes down to life compatability. It's certainly worth a shot though! A couple of the guys from my tri club have spouses that have never been active and the ones married long term seem to be ok. But we rarely see those spouses so who knows?

I am female by the way.

Original poster
NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 23:14

Yankeescot · 27/07/2024 23:04

I wanted to give you perspective from the other side so you can make informed decisions. If you're a night owl, that's a big consideration. Because by nature of his interests, he's not. And won't turn into one. So in future if you end up out late, he's in bed late, he's going to miss training, feel physically awful and be a grumpy trousers the next day. It really comes down to life compatability. It's certainly worth a shot though! A couple of the guys from my tri club have spouses that have never been active and the ones married long term seem to be ok. But we rarely see those spouses so who knows?

I am female by the way.

Show quote history

I assumed you were. 🙂 Thank you for giving me some perspective, I am looking for someone who is available and he is very busy/tired at night. You have clarified what I was worried about, which is the incompatibility of lifestyles.

I think his friend group and family are very much into sport and so was his late wife, so I might not belong there. Which is a shame because I really really like him.

OP posts:
BuggeryBumFlaps · 27/07/2024 23:17

Me and my dh are complete opposites (we sound similar to you and this fella). We met in our late 40s and have now been married for nearly 7 years. Best relationship I've ever had. We make it work .

Original poster
NotAgainWilson · 27/07/2024 23:20

Bustedpoon · 27/07/2024 19:21

Work in what sense? A permanent mid-distance relationship?

I wouldn’t mind as long as I see him enough. I am very independent and need my own space.

OP posts: