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Original poster

To not arrange my only child free day around him?

54 replies

Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:31

New ish relationship….not serious but exclusive (I think). Really struggling to find time to spend together, I have a disabled teen who is 4 weeks in to 12 week summer break. He works full time and does a couple small jobs on the side, he has 2 almost adult dc (not living with him). On Sundays I have a a day without my dc. I have quite a few friends and a few hobbies which are hard to peruse when dc is off.

DP keeps saying he wants to do this that and the other with me but he’s never free for a full day (either working or spending time with his dc). He often has something going on Sunday for half the day and expects me to hang around and meet up with him or drive to his in the afternoon for a couple hours. This means I can’t really go out for the day to meet friends or do a hobby. He’s then often running late so we end up seeing each other for 2 hours before I need to collect my dc. He has said his work pattern will change but he keeps picking up more weekend work meaning he only has one Sunday a month free at the most.

So this weekend he’s busy sat, busy sun morning but wants me to meet him around 2pm Sunday. AIBU to say ‘no’ because I want to go out for the day and not hang around waiting for him to be available?

At the moment I’m driving to his one evening a week (the only week night he’s not working) and seeing him on a Sunday once a month. I’m not too bothered about this, though I will likely get bored with it (as we are not actually going out or doing anything together). I’m just a bit annoyed that he keeps saying about going to certain places and doing things together but he doesn’t actually have any time to do these things and doesn’t seem to me making time?

I am happy just seeing someone once a week but ideally I would like to spend long enough to actually go somewhere and do something rather than hanging out at his (he’s always tired).

sorry for rambling 🤣

Do I just make plans to do my own thing Sunday and tell him I’m busy?

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 26/07/2024 10:36

I honestly think neither of you are wrong but probably just not compatible right now…. I couldn’t handle only a Sunday once a month in a new relationship but also I get if you only have one day a week you have lots of spinning plates and don’t want to hang around

CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/07/2024 10:37

He's not good at compromising is he?
Expects you to go to him when he can fit you in.
Expects you to give up plans for him but won't do the same for you.
You are far from a priority for him.
I'd be too busy from now on full stop.

Soontobe60 · 26/07/2024 10:41

He’s not a ‘DP’ hes someone yore seeing casually at the moment. Yo can see him as and when you choose.

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:42

I’m not too bothered about not seeing him often, I have friends and things going on so I always have things to do at the weekends. More annoyed that he expects me to keep a few hours on a Sunday free for when he’s finished doing what he’s doing. A couple times I have tried to explain to him that it’s my only free day and I like to make the most of the day and go out (either with friends or with him) but every weekend he asks “are you free Sunday afternoon when I finish doing xyz?” and when I say “I’m not sure as I might be going out doing hobby” he gets a bit off with me. I told him I might be busy this weekend and he keeps saying “can’t wait to see you Sunday” when I haven’t said I’m free.

I think I will just make sure I’m busy Sunday…..he will then make a big deal about telling me how much he misses me 🙄.

OP posts:
AppleCream · 26/07/2024 10:43

You're not being unreasonable at all, but I don't think he is either. It may be that you're just not compatible at the moment.

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:44

Soontobe60 · 26/07/2024 10:41

He’s not a ‘DP’ hes someone yore seeing casually at the moment. Yo can see him as and when you choose.

You’re right, I just didn’t know what to call him. TBH he’s the one that’s assumed we are in a relationship. If he made more of an effort then so would I, but when I saw him earlier this week he just told me how he had taken on more work at the weekends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:45

AppleCream · 26/07/2024 10:43

You're not being unreasonable at all, but I don't think he is either. It may be that you're just not compatible at the moment.

I agree. Maybe after the summer things might be different but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything to suggest he’s going to make more time for me. A few weeks ago he told me his weekends will be less busy from now on, which hasn’t happened. He just expects me to be available last minute when he is.

OP posts:
KewBridgeSteamMuseum · 26/07/2024 10:46

I'm getting a strong "don't really care whether I see him or not" vibe from you and indeed him here. Surely that's not how the early stages of a romantic relationship should work. You're both not that into each other.

Wishimaywishimight · 26/07/2024 10:47

Just hanging out at his place because he's too tired or busy to do anything else is pretty rubbish, particularly for a 'new-ish relationship'. Do you really think this is worth pursuing? Sounds like you have a pretty full life otherwise and are actually missing out on doing more interesting things just to spend a couple of hours hanging around his house. This will wear thin very quickly.

yeesh · 26/07/2024 10:47

He just sounds crap. Not listening to you at all is he

Candlelights1 · 26/07/2024 10:48

He is 100% suiting himself.

You are very silly not to be making the most of your free time.

He expects you to hang around for him and iss off if you refuse.

He's a twat. You can do better.

Stop driving to his. YOU are doing all the running here.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 26/07/2024 10:49

I'd just say, sorry can't do this weekend... then wait and see what happens....

Shinyandnew1 · 26/07/2024 10:51

What’s he busy doing on Saturdays?

I would say, ‘Sundays are my only day to do stuff and see friends and you keep assuming I’m not only free but that I want to do nothing all day until you can squeeze me in mid afternoon before I collect my kids. It feel like you are assuming I’m free and but that I’m not you’re priority’

Geiyotue · 26/07/2024 10:53

CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/07/2024 10:37

He's not good at compromising is he?
Expects you to go to him when he can fit you in.
Expects you to give up plans for him but won't do the same for you.
You are far from a priority for him.
I'd be too busy from now on full stop.

Yeah, I would bin this one. You're already only getting scraps from him and it will only get worse. Prioritise yourself.

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:54

KewBridgeSteamMuseum · 26/07/2024 10:46

I'm getting a strong "don't really care whether I see him or not" vibe from you and indeed him here. Surely that's not how the early stages of a romantic relationship should work. You're both not that into each other.

That’s what’s confusing me. Most the time he comes across as being way more into me than I am him. He’s constantly messaging me, showing interest in everything I do etc.., making plans for the future. I am not really doing any of these things. I like him but I’m kind of getting bored because we don’t really do anything together…..just me going to his for sex and dinner, ideally I would like to actually spend the day doing something/going somewhere. We have quite a few things in common but haven’t really done any of these things together.

Dumping him would be tricky right now….I can’t explain why as it would be outing but I kind of need to stay friends with him as we will cross paths a lot over the next year.

I will just try and explain to him again that I’m not keeping my whole day free on the off chance he’s free for 2 hours in the afternoon, it’s either all day or nothing because I do have a life and things I could be doing.

OP posts:
itainthalfhot · 26/07/2024 10:54

It just sounds like this relationship is just not for right now!

You are not prepared to change and it seems he's not either!

Walk away now before emotions and other complications take over

FamiliaF · 26/07/2024 10:55

it's perfectly fine to make your own plans for Sunday and tell him you're busy. You don't owe him an explanation. Your time is valuable, and you should prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and expectations in a relationship. Your happiness and well-being are important.

itainthalfhot · 26/07/2024 10:57

@Lovemusic82 ah so there's also a drip feed!

Just dump him and deal with the consequences now rather than later! You are clearly not that interested in him or the relationship so I assume he provides a service for you that suits you at the moment

Poor man... set him free

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:58

Shinyandnew1 · 26/07/2024 10:51

What’s he busy doing on Saturdays?

I would say, ‘Sundays are my only day to do stuff and see friends and you keep assuming I’m not only free but that I want to do nothing all day until you can squeeze me in mid afternoon before I collect my kids. It feel like you are assuming I’m free and but that I’m not you’re priority’

Sometimes working, sometimes seeing his dc or going to an event with friends.

I have been flexible a number of times and moved days with ex having my dc or asking ex to have dc longer so I can see him in the afternoon. we spend one day together a few weeks ago but he wanted to stay in and not go out to do anything because he was tired, we stayed at mine and just sat in the garden, when I suggested going for a walk he said “no”. We haven’t really been anywhere together since our first date.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 26/07/2024 10:59

itainthalfhot · 26/07/2024 10:57

@Lovemusic82 ah so there's also a drip feed!

Just dump him and deal with the consequences now rather than later! You are clearly not that interested in him or the relationship so I assume he provides a service for you that suits you at the moment

Poor man... set him free

He doesn’t provide me a service at all….I can’t explain but it’s similar to having to work together and sit in meetings together 😬.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 26/07/2024 11:03

So effectively you are prepared to be at his beck and call for a year to keep him sweet!
That is called manipulation.
Instead of being a grown up and telling him the relationship isn't working for you and wishing him well.
That is called self-respect.

Olika · 26/07/2024 11:05

Just end it with him. You don't sound bothered about him, you are bored with him and you are not compatible as he just wants to sit home doing nothing when you want to do things outside the house. You have very limited time available for yourself so spend it with your friends and doing things that interest you.

ThePassageOfTime · 26/07/2024 11:08

Ah!

So he's basically summons you for sex and dinner company when he has a window?

Dear lord, you're being 100 percent used.

Walk away

Starseeking · 26/07/2024 11:11

What I pick up from your OP is that you seem to be doing all the compromising, waiting for him, going to him etc.

I'd ask yourself what effort he is actually making to prioritise you, and whether his actions are truly demonstrating that.

And no, you are not asking too much.

Joy69 · 26/07/2024 11:15

I think you are dating my ex 🤔. In the end I planned my days off without him & it fizzled out. I would try & fade it out because it'll ruin your self esteem, & also ruin your chances of meeting someone better.